Parakeet: LOL....I suppose I probably do sound a little weird. Watchout! I may be putting pins in a doll right now for you! JK ;)
No my grandfather was not into voodoo. I just meant he was or at the very least wanted to be involved with spirits, and he incorporated that into his sexual abuse e.g. Ritual Abuse. Over the last several years there have been more and more JW's coming forward about having been victims of ritual abuse. All I meant by him "marking" me is that if he involved me with whatever spirit or entity or whatever you want to call it that he was worshipping, I've always wondered if because of that this particular "thing" has had it's eye on me so to speak. I am seeing a therapist, and this will be one of our topics. But hey...thanks for calling me weird! always up for a good laugh :)
Sooooo....here is one reply I got from the posting on the forum:
"Hi Feenx, the spirit world is another dimension,the next step from here,so peopsle who pass to spirit dont change their ways just because they have passed to spirit.there is good and bad just like here.But if you open to spirit for the higher good(in love) then you have nothing to fear,like attracts like.the childhood abuse you suffered has no bearing on the spirit you would attract unless you are treading the path of your Mothers father. or any other evil deed. we all have a spirit guide who has been with us from birth, even if you were brought up in another religion to be believe its isnt so. your guide is there to support and protect you so as you open up to spirit your guide is there to help.why not find a spiritulaist church near you, go along to a demonstration, just observe how it works you will see there is nothing to fear when done in love.then when you are ready join a development circle and harness your ability.hope that helps x x x "
An interesting perspective. Thank you to all who have replied to my post! Your input has been a lot of help and helps me put things in perspective. I think for me it will come down to 1. working to distinguish between my fears and reality, and 2. realize and embrace that this fear and also being curious is another stage of seperation from the borg. Which I'm always happy about.
Posts by feenx
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21May have just opened can of worms - posted on a spirit world forum
by feenx inas i'm sure many of us ex dubs do i have had tremendous fear, anxiety, curiosity and overall need for answers about spirits.
we all learned the same shite.
any spirits are demons.
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feenx
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I could be totally SCREWED
by feenx ini had a post on a week or so ago: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/150845/1.ashx in reference to my engine blowing up and a dispute that is ongoing with jiffy lube.
well i spoke to a corporate guy at jl today and they are ordering an insurance claim audit where a mechanic will come out and tear apart the engine to officially diagnose what happened to cause the engine to blow a hole in the oil pan.
the corporate guy said he is not saying for sure but his guess is that jl will not be liable because there is nothing that they could've done or not done to cause a rod to blow.
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feenx
I had a post on a week or so ago: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/150845/1.ashx in reference to my engine blowing up and a dispute that is ongoing with Jiffy Lube.
Well I spoke to a corporate guy at JL today and they are ordering an insurance claim audit where a mechanic will come out and tear apart the engine to officially diagnose what happened to cause the engine to blow a hole in the oil pan. The corporate guy said he is not saying for sure but his guess is that JL will not be liable because there is nothing that they could've done or not done to cause a rod to blow.
When this all first started my regular mechanic was, and still is, so positive that it was something JL did to cause the problem that I was confident in time and thru a lot of haggling everything would be taken care of in the end. However I spoke to my mechanic again today and apparently instead of actually digging in to find the problem like I ASKED they simply put the car up, saw a huge hole in the bottom, found pieces of pistons and seeing a new oil filter there blamed JL. They didn't dig in at all!! So they technically have no idea WTF went wrong.
So now I am sandwiched between my mechanic and JL. If JL comes back with a no fault claim, and garage who had done work on the car only a couple weeks prior also says it's not their fault, I am stuck with a car that had been "fixed" and worked on by two seperate companies, neither of which will pay to replace the engine, and a completely dead car which of course I'm still paying for. It's not like I have thousands of dollars just sitting around with nothing better to do than drop a brand new engine in, and it's not like I can walk into a dealership and trade in a non functioning car and expect to come away with anything short of an anal ache from the raping they will surely give me to get into a different car.
I am seriously starting to stress! -
21
May have just opened can of worms - posted on a spirit world forum
by feenx inas i'm sure many of us ex dubs do i have had tremendous fear, anxiety, curiosity and overall need for answers about spirits.
we all learned the same shite.
any spirits are demons.
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feenx
I suppose that is a really good question Dave...hmm...
I honestly don't know what I am afraid they would do. I guess perhaps change my behavior, cause me to do things I did not want to do. That's probably the key thing right there. See my grandfather wanted me to follow in his sadistic footsteps. It's like he was grooming me for it or some BS. So I suppose my fear is based on that, and that I would be fighting something trying to get me to do such things.
It's kind of like if someone escaped the military and when they were found they were forcibly encouraged to re-commit themselves to the government. That's what I fear.
And I also think part of it is simply fear of the unknown. That which we conceive ourselves is usually worse than the actual reality. -
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May have just opened can of worms - posted on a spirit world forum
by feenx inas i'm sure many of us ex dubs do i have had tremendous fear, anxiety, curiosity and overall need for answers about spirits.
we all learned the same shite.
any spirits are demons.
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feenx
As I'm sure many of us ex dubs do I have had tremendous fear, anxiety, curiosity and overall need for answers about spirits. We all learned the same shite. Any spirits are demons. Well that's all fine and convenient, but the older I get and the more I try to piece together the puzzle of my childhood, it just doesn't make sense. Yet my fear remains.
I fear that if there is a spirit world if I try to learn about it I will somehow be exposed to and caught up in some kind of "evil." I fear that my grandfather who was/is involved in ritual abuse and who knows what else somehow put some kind of mark on me and therefore any spirit world door that I open will be flooded with ill intentioned spirits.
And quite frankly, I'm f*cking TIRED of being afraid of something. It drives me nuts and it's simply no way to go about life.
Sooo....I figured an interesting and hopefully helpful start would be to ask people that are "in the know" about such things. I posted a question on a paranormal forum about such things, including that I was raised a dub and what my lovely ol' grandaddy was into. I am in curious anticipation for responses... -
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Adam and Eve - already dying BEFORE eating from tree?
by feenx ini am in the midst of reading jehovah unmasked and have come to a very interesting point.
nathaniel j. merritt says that a close reading of genesis 3:22-24 shows that adam and eve were already dying.
i found this to be a very interesting idea, in addition to the very plain and simple use of words in that passage that clearly states indeed the serpent's promise to eve was correct.
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feenx
Thank you for the input :)
I am not saying I am by any means entrenched in the gnostic camp. I referenced it simply because gnostics refer to YHWH as A god, not THE god, unlike JW's. I find it interesting that ancient texts have different explanations for things based on the traditional canon. And I also think it's interesting that people are very quick to accept these texts automatically as complete truth or complete fiction.
Some seem to feel they must be right if they were hidden and never spoken of, others feel that the people who labeled them as heresy or untruth must be right, otherwise they wouldn't have done so.
To me both seem to be extreme ends of the spectrum, and easy ways to accept or dismiss what is said, rather than finding for themselves what they feel is right.
In any event, I very much like the idea that YHWH is not supreme, as based on my experiences growing up, what I was taught, and what I've experienced in life this hypothesis seems to feel right. -
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have you ever been to a psychic?
by still_in74 injust curious...... have you as a jw / ex jw ever been to a psychic or spirit medium, or even played with a ouiji board?.
what was your experience ?
?.
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feenx
I have not been to a psychic, though I've definitely thought about it. However I've been anxious to do so because my grandfather was into ritual abuse, and I've always had the sense that through that and my experiences with him I've been exposed to say...an evil side of things. And so I've always been afraid to experiment and possibly open that door....any thoughts on that aspect of things??
I haven't heard about the government aspect before. Does anyone have info on that? -
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Adam and Eve - already dying BEFORE eating from tree?
by feenx ini am in the midst of reading jehovah unmasked and have come to a very interesting point.
nathaniel j. merritt says that a close reading of genesis 3:22-24 shows that adam and eve were already dying.
i found this to be a very interesting idea, in addition to the very plain and simple use of words in that passage that clearly states indeed the serpent's promise to eve was correct.
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feenx
I am in the midst of reading Jehovah Unmasked and have come to a very interesting point. Nathaniel J. Merritt says that a close reading of Genesis 3:22-24 shows that Adam and Eve were already dying. I found this to be a very interesting idea, in addition to the very plain and simple use of words in that passage that clearly states indeed the Serpent's promise to Eve was correct.
New International Version - Genesis 3:22-24:
22 "And the LORD God said, `The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.' 23 So the LORD God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24 After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side [a] of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life."
a. Genesis 3:24 or "placed in front."
I've been reading and doing research on the Gnostic gospels and writings, so I've already come across many writings about Jehovah simply being the creator of Earth and nothing more, and that in fact there are other god's on his same level, which is essentially middle management. However, this is the one the first very clear cut instances I've read in the traditional canon that eludes to this, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil."
In this part of the book Merritt also goes on to say that in fact YHWH was the first to lie as his threat to Adam and Eve was that they would die.
New International Version - Genesis 2:17
"17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."
And according to Merritt, the Youngs Literal Translation of the original Hebrew passage at Genesis 2:17 is "in the day of thy eating of it, dying thou dost die." Which would imply first that they were already dying and secondly that that very day death would come.
Obviously very different teachings than we had as JW's. Thoughts? -
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Apple Mac users-HELP!
by Chalam inhi jwd mac users, .
any tips for me?
i am using safari on the mac and i have trouble editing posts, i have managed it once or twice within the 30 minutes time limit but normally it gives me trouble.
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feenx
Hey there :)
Well sadly my solution has been to use a PC at work for certain things on here. I had a helluva time getting my pic and info up, tried several times but no luck. Finally I had to use a PC to do it and it worked like a charm. I've never tried to use the edit function, so can't help you there. I always have to format my messages with HTML breaks, which works fine. So I'm sure if you found a simple embed code online for anything you want to link it should work fine. I also have to send and reply to PM's from a PC as well. :/ -
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I'M NO LONGER A NEWBIE!!!!
by tooktheredpill inthis is my post #100!.
thanks a lot for all your support to date!.
have a great day!!.
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feenx
CONGRATS!! :)
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Husband talking about having kids, reading awake to me, keeps asking ???
by cognac inso, first he calls me at work, we've been getting along fine, and asks me the % of how much i want to be in the truth.
i told him 50/50.
i like the spiritual aspect of it, the people, etc.
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feenx
Cognac -
You've mentioned several times that there are nice things to read from the society. This can be very true. However, with this inner struggle that you have maybe there's a different way to look at things. If you came across an informative, seemingly well thought out and written article by someone who's name you didn't recognize, enjoyed it, and then upon further research found out the writer was in fact a convicted felon and writing from prison...would you still care to read his well presented thoughts? The Watchtower and Awake is essentially the same thing. Though there are no convicted felons on the writing staff or the GB, we all know, at the very least, all the moral crimes they've committed, not to mention all the allegations we've seen on this board. So even if something is presented on a different topic or seems logical, it still has the same source, e.g. the same mental attitude and motivation behind everything that's written.
Secondly, there are plenty of other wonderful things to read about family and marriage and relationships and love etc. etc. etc. that are out there that both you and your husband can share in. Why limit to yourself to what the WTBS puts out? If these pleasant things to read are something you both truly enjoy, then surely you would want as much as possible. And I promise you, there is a lot more out there that's good to read than the small library the society encourages you to stick to.
Just some food for thought ;)