I recently have some (bad) experience with this, so I feel that I can offer some relevant info to you.
In the *active* dub world there are goody goody dubs and those who see things are not so black and white, i'll call these ones enlightened dubs, then there are those on the fringes of JW society. The problem is that most families contain a combination of goody goody, enlightened, and fringe dubs (at this point you must realize that your partner is not a goody goody witness).
In the witness world the goody goody's have significant power over all that are in any way active (GG mothers have a lot of pull on daughters). The most important thing you must realize is that the JW's in your partners life have the same amount of influence on her as you do! The other thing you must know is that dubs are VERY concerned about outward appearances.
You can be in love today and tomorrow your partner could be convinced by her goody goody dub associates to have nothing more to do with you! My guess is that the marriage thing is an attempt to control how your relationship will be viewed within the JW congregation. If this is the case it means to me that the JW's still have power over your partner.
Some scenarios for you:
1) Break it off now and save yourself the grief. Watch out or her GG mother will convince her to break it off.
2) Get your partner to see the truth about JW's and maybe she will be better able to deal with the "appearances" problem. Or better yet leave the org altogether. If she can see the truth then maybe your relationship can have time to develop normally.
3) Go with the flow. Study the bible with JW's attend meetings, get married. Become a goody goody JW :).
4) I have a feeling that your pregnant partner will be called before the elders to answer for her sins. Depending on her standing in the congregation (are any relatives elders?), she will be disfellowshipped or reproved. If she is DF'ed then she should loose contact with her family and other JW's. This period of non-contact with JW's may give you some time to get settled into being new parents and your relationship can develop normally (given the circumstance). When things have settled hopefully she will see the conditional nature of the love shown by her JW associates and maybe she will be better able to deal with the JW control mechanisms.
If you are lucky, some combination of #2 and #4 will work for you. Not investment advice blah blah blah....
J
jaydoe
JoinedPosts by jaydoe
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NON WITNESS DATING A WITNESS
by Daunbreakable inmakes sense?
well i'm not big on religion...i've studied many and rather just be on my own path.
am i wrong?
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jaydoe
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Brant Jones Letters to and From the Watchtower- 2005-06
by uninformed inthanks to scully, i have figured out where to put these letters so all that would like to access them and read them can do so.--just click on the link below.. don't expect a lot from the letters, as i am a brick mason and not the brightest bulb on the (new) christmas tree.. in my correspondence with the wt, i exerted all my effort to keep the discussion on just the un, even though i did have misgivings on other matters.
i thought if i was able to keep the discussion on just the un that it would prove to be more difficult for them to disfellowship me, as it was their conduct that i was opposing, conduct that violated their own teachings.. it worked to some extent, as they had to trump up charges on us that we started our own religion because we had the memorial celebration in 2006 with our family rather than at the kingdumb hall.
it was a real pleasure to be disfellowshipped for their sin.
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jaydoe
I do agree they look like total jackasses with statements like this:
However, we, as witnesses of the Sovereign God Jehovah, will continue refusing to engage in such idolatrous worship, for we see, under angelic enlightenment, that God has smitten such idolaters with a malignant ulcer, symbolically speaking, that will spell death to them as spiritually diseased image worshipers who worship a man-made political creation rather than the Creator of heaven and earth;"
However, put this in perspective this resolution was made in what 1963? The GB is not made up of the same guys, its obvious that the tone has softened, isn't it possible that the current tone is more correct and they were just too full of themselves in 1963?
In my mind joining the Y is roughly equivalent to the WTS using the UN library. I have never heard about someone getting DF'ed for joining the Y (none around me), has it really happened? and would it happen today?
Having been out for 5 years now my thinking has been altered somewhat. Like most good dubs 5 years ago I cared about outward appearances, now I could give a crap about what people think. The one question I ask myself is what does God think about my actions...if I think he's OK with it then I'm good. With that mindset I dont really care if the WTS joins the UN to have access to services they provide. However I do expect their actions to not be hypocritical. If you're using the UN's services and need to be critical of them make sure you do it in a balanced way with full disclosure etc. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander when it comes to your membership.
I dont want you all to think I am pro-WTS(being new here)...I am not . I despise the way in which they totally control their members and break up families via disfellowshipping. I think their actions with blood and pedo's is criminal. Even in the cesspool they have created, there is a group of very nice people that it would be great to associate with again (some of them I'm sure are on this board).
J -
33
Brant Jones Letters to and From the Watchtower- 2005-06
by uninformed inthanks to scully, i have figured out where to put these letters so all that would like to access them and read them can do so.--just click on the link below.. don't expect a lot from the letters, as i am a brick mason and not the brightest bulb on the (new) christmas tree.. in my correspondence with the wt, i exerted all my effort to keep the discussion on just the un, even though i did have misgivings on other matters.
i thought if i was able to keep the discussion on just the un that it would prove to be more difficult for them to disfellowship me, as it was their conduct that i was opposing, conduct that violated their own teachings.. it worked to some extent, as they had to trump up charges on us that we started our own religion because we had the memorial celebration in 2006 with our family rather than at the kingdumb hall.
it was a real pleasure to be disfellowshipped for their sin.
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jaydoe
Not trying to start anything here...(am interested to hear counter-arguments)
This is the best explanation I have seen to date from the WTS about the UN issue. The WTS is obviously embarrassed about the whole thing and is putting a spin on it. Do I think its plausible for things to go down as stated in the letter?...yes. Maybe I am naive but I like to think that everyone at the WTS is basically trying to do a good job. The 2nd to last paragraph on page 2 is the closet thing to an apology I have ever seen from the WTS.
I did find it interesting that the writer of the Sept 20, 2005 letter started off the letter on offense rather than defense (disappointed with your tone etc). They would have come off being more credible by leaving the offense out of the letter.
For the record, I do tend to agree with the writer that your tone was hostile. I am not being critical of your letter, when I first learned about the UN thing I was very upset about it as well.
Personally I dont feel that the UN scandal in itself should be enough to make someone with many years of service leave. Tell me you cant agree with their stand on blood, or the way they break up families via disfellowshipping...but it would be sad to get into trouble over the UN scandal.
just my .02
J -
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Fading In? Am I nuts?
by jaydoe ini am a baptized jw that faded some years back.
in those days i deeply believed in the org and became disillusioned by some things happening in the local congregation.
following some research on the net i decided to fade out of watchtower existence because i did not want to keep mixing with false religion (or so i thought at the time).
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jaydoe
I am a baptized JW that faded some years back. In those days I deeply believed in the org and became disillusioned by some things happening in the local congregation. Following some research on the net I decided to fade out of watchtower existence because I did not want to keep mixing with false religion (or so I thought at the time). Over the years my views have moderated somewhat. Lately I have been catching up with childhood friends all JW's and it occurs to me that these friends and many others in the cong all have concerns that are similar to mine (that does not mean they are bad people). The other day I began thinking that there are a lot of very nice folks in the congregation and thinking it may be nice to visit the hall again. A couple years ago I would NEVER have considered this, but being away from the org my mind has opened up to many things. Even the JW beliefs that I despised at one time, I have come to realize have a place. Not everything in life is black and white and the JW's do have a set of beliefs that I don't think god would find objectionable. So I have thought about fading back in on my own terms. My newfound open mindedness would not allow me to be dominated by small minded elders or other people. I have not decided how involved I want to become, but I can't see anything wrong with a Sun meeting and fellowship with old friends. There are a couple of nosy elders still serving that will no doubt corner me the first change I get asking where have I been. I need some ideas about the best way to deal with them. Any other opinions/advice would also be good to hear. J