Posts by coolcat

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

coolcat

avidbiblereader .. someday I hope to be able to joke about everything and be so lighthearted as everyone else.. I really do

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

Oh something I forgot to add..... Dale's father married us in a church and while I was so happy because I loved him (still do actually) so much I didn't get to feel the complete happiness a bride feels because none of my family was there of course and the whole time I was thinking to myself if God was so unhappy because I was in a church and would the demons start bothering me, all that.. I also attended a sunday service one time and just felt so scared and uncomfortable almost the entire time.. I don't know if I will ever be able to be comfortable in any other religious setting.. I did tell my mother and family about being married in a church .. I even showed my mom pictures from it that I cropped out the cross behind us from and I almost cried one day because I saw that pic on my moms mirror. that is what hurts me so much is that I truly know how much my family loves me but they are just .. brainwashed is the only word I can think of but anyone on this site knows that their hearts are in the right place and no matter happens when we die I know my family and everyone that tries to please a creator in their own way will be okay.. my mom told me that I would have to join a new kingdom hall and tell the elders everything but that since I was inactive for so long I would prob still be ok.. well I lied and told my mom I did have a long talk w the elders because I knew my mom wouldn't go to them and bring it up and I didn't think the new elders would find out something like that anyway .. I even had guilt over that for a while ... okay I'm done now.. sorry for the novels

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

coolcat

Hello again everyone. I tried to get onto the site again but was having problems with the server or something so I'm glad I was able to get on today and read everyone's wonderful comments... I'm sorry if I don't thank everyone personally but I am so very thankful for everything everyone said. I will respond to the last one and to EXJUB who remarked about Alicia's comment because I agree with you .. when she said that I had never once in my life thought so far into the future because I am the type that is always in fear of time going by too fast and those I care about growing old and dying but you are right it was so very profound and really did effect me in a big way and I have told her that since so thanks for commenting about it. As far as my situation... I was living on my own in an apt about 35 min from my parents when I met Dale my exhusband at my place of work and he was interested in me and it was such a new and wonderful feeling because as a W you are so sheltered and I never went on dates of course or even dated another witness because I never achieved the spiritual level that I would be considered a good mate so I was about 23 yrs old at this time and so very lonely and longing for a relationship that for the first time in my life I didn't kindly reject him and say something about my religion and walk away and I got to know him .. I am 29 now and he is 38 now and he has two young kids that I got very closed to.. I ended up falling in love with him.. Here's the kicker his father is a Nazarene preacher. Dale himself worked a lot and had dealt w religion being shoved down his own throat so much that he didn't go to church or pressure me to (though his parents were a slightly different story) so we had that in common. The problem was that we never had a chance.. with me being scared to join his church and him being so against what I was brought up in it was so hard.. I tried and tried to balance the two but the pressures from both sides became so intense that I went into a bad depression where I could do nothing but sleep pretty much all day long and didn't clean the house or cook dinner , I just felt frozen and terrified of everything and Dale couldn't deal with it and pushed me away and I ended up in the hospital after having thoughts of suicide ( never attempted it ) but it got that bad .. I was just so tired of feeling like I could never direct myself or my own life and even when I tried it still held me down .. I was in the mental ward of a hospital for about a week and still after everything my marriage ended and I didn't move back in w/ my parents .. instead my mother was very good friends w/ a sister also named Kathy who has been pioneering for 40 yrs who helps run an apt bldg and lives in it about 15 min away from my parents and they just sort of dropped me in there. I was so heartbroken and lost like a leaf fluttering in the wind that I didn't try to stop it. I lived there a year and then moved in with a friend and workmate named Judy who is 51 where I live now. ( I am using her computer to access this site and would never even google something on a computer at my families, my younger bro is a whiz and programmer) I do have some new plans for my life though I'm actually having gastric bypass surgery the 24th of this month and afterwards staying w/ my sister for a week so I will have someone to take care of me ..I told the doctor that I won't accept blood even though a part of me doesn't care I still said no for the slim chance that someone could find out because of the committees and all that in the congregations, I guess I feel at this point like I would rather die and leave my family at least somewhat proud of something in my life then have to live w/ them knowing I did that, it is just another case of me making a decision for my family .....anyway, I was able to get a 401 K loan to pay for the surgery and pay off my bills so I will be able to get my own place again this year so I will no longer have to rely on my family. Another big part of my situation is I am dating again a very sweet 27 year old man I met online and of course nobody knows about it.. I live the epitome of a double life but I know how unhealthy it is so I have to get out.. I hope I was able to cover any unanswered questions... again I appreciate everyone's advice and will follow it to the best of my means.. I really do feel a lot of love here

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

coolcat

Well I need to be getting to bed .. thank you everyone again for your hugs, kind words, and encouragement.. I really needed it. I will definitely come back again... Night all

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

coolcat

Thx Sass.. my best friend Alicia actually has been such a help to me. She too was raised in a strict religion called Church of God and when we met and started talking and we both realized that we were both told "This is the only true religion and the only safety is here and not out in the world - she even called me a worldly person if you can believe that! well you can imagine our surprise but she said something to me one day that impressed so much on me and goes along with what you were saying she said "Some day when you are old and gray and rocking in a chair on a porch somewhere you aren't going to have your parents, sisters, maybe not even friends. .you'll just have your memories and you make your memories" and that statement alone is why I know that I have to do this..

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

coolcat

Thank you orbi.. I will def drop her a line.. I appreciate it :)

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

coolcat

Thx again to everyone.. I was cautious of course but am very glad I decided to register.

Alwayshere, thank you as well . I have thought long and hard about what I can do and I think exactly what you said is what I'm going to do.. I have an aunt and cousins who fell away and do all sorts of things that could be a DFshpg offense but aren't. I just see myself being able to do that way before I could write a disassocation letter or something like that

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

coolcat

Thank you for the welcomes and warm reception..

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

coolcat

Thank you going going gone.. :) I started to tell more but started to tear up .. I'm 29 and my entire fam is in the truth. I have 2 siblings that are pioneers, my mom is one and my dad is a min servant. I'm still going thru the motions of meetings to keep them happy but in my heart I just want to be free. As I have gotten older I have fallen out of the spell of the society but to this day can't speak that to my family. I married an unbeliever 3 yrs ago and because of the pressures of trying to make everyone happy I ended up severly depressed and suicidal and eventually was divorced and of course my family welcomed me back in w/ open arms and now had even more reason to say that I would never find happiness without jah. I'm scared of being left all alone and I love my family so much and even though I know it is wrong to turn your back on your family for any reason in my heart I know why they would and I don't want to break their hearts like I said I am so close to all of them... people outside do not realize how hard it is. They just see it as any religion and say 'oh your parents will be upset at first but they will come around' and you and I both know that isn't true.. to my parents my leaving the truth says that I must not appreciate our creator or even love them because how could I know the truth and walk away from the chance of living in paradise w/ them....thing is, I have never felt the zeal and joy they do. The only reason I am baptized is because of a period of inactivity my parents went thru and they weren't acting like themselves ,they were so unhappy and I was in junior high so I started going back to meetings all by myself and got baptized to encourage them to get back and be happy again.. and because I had essentially given up on the chance of ever having any kind of life outside of the organization so I thought maybe I was destined to be a witness even though in my heart I don't 100% believe what I have been taught all my life. I have a worldly best friend who is always trying to encourage me to get out and live my own life but so far I just haven't had the courage and I put my family thru so much w/ my marrying a worldly man and saw so many tears and I don't know if I can face that again but I don't want to feel so miserable and 'in prison' the rest of my life either.. I am more determined then ever to leave. I haven't looked at all the boards yet but they have reprinted the revelation book and it has several pages worth of changes to it and everyone is acting like it is so exciting and the end must surely be near if we are going over it again and after the latest brochure work . I just can't figure out how they never ever seem to question that the literature has to have changes in it in the first place? I do not want to go to the bookstudy and study the revised book..who would? I'm sorry for the mini novel...

38

Scared....

by coolcat in

hello all.

i just joined the site.

does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number i can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth?

coolcat

Hello all. I just joined the site. Does anyone know of a hotline or a phone number I can call to talk to someone about how to leave the truth? Thanks..