Darling LouBelle,
Even though we've never interacted directly, I want you to know that I have been aware of you and your story for quite some time. My impression has always been that you were smart, sweet, soulful, and above all a survivor.
I don't blame you for being discouraged - you set your sights high. Please take baby steps to make things better little bit by little bit. To not get the job of your dreams or find the love of your life or lose 50 pounds is not failure! It means you're trying. Please believe that you are on a path that leads to good things, but they may not be the things you've pre-concieved as the only criteria for success.
Please PM me - I'd like that.