"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.
i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.
help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.
Glad things worked out good for you FL. I was interested in this comment of yours
and then one aobout luai's (sp? Hawaiian parties) and how the WT said basically it was up to the individuals to handle those situations. The Luai one said that even though it had pagan origins people didn't connect the celebration with those origins anymore so it would probably be okay to do it.
This blows me away too. Do you know where that information is?
Thanks,
TF
i know i have made comments about the benefits of jwd but i have some thoughts about this.. for the person who is having doubts and is looking for some confirmation or information jwd provides a wealth of both.
and if it isn't posted here on the board someone usually has a link to answer questions.
for those who have been hurt by the shunning policy or been abused in some way jwd offers wonderful people who understand because they have "been there" too.. for those who are recently out of the wts and are trying to build a new life there are many to encourage and support them.. even those of us who have been here and out of the wts for a long time there is encouragement and friendship.. for those who love a good debate, there is usually a willing jw to try to take them on.. there are some great sites on the internet that provide information.
Excellent points Lady Lee. I know how difficult it's been for my children to learn about holidays after never having celebrated them. They don't know Christmas carols or even the dates of many holidays. Unless you've walked the walk, it would be hard for people to understand simple things like that. Fortunately, their mates have had a ball teaching them the things they themselves always took for granted and they are having a ball!
i am starting to notice some posts about ex-j.w.
's being mistreated, abused, by their fathers who were elders.. i wonder if this is quite common?.
hubert
Billygoat...is your Step-mother still around to ask her? I feel so horrible....
.
interesting story on msnbc about "jehovahs roofing service"....notice the emphasis on only helping "fellow" brothers!.
http://risingfromruin.msnbc.com/2005/10/jehovahs_roofin.html.
Well, I added my two cents worth to the posts, for whatever it's worth. I bet they never expected such a response. Maybe someone will think it's a great news idea.
tonight was the school/service meeting at the kh, and myself and dedpoet drove there at the end of the meeting to see the po.
we didn't go in the hall, we just waited outside the gates for the po to come out, then i handed him my letter, saying it was to get things over with and save the necessity of a jc.
he didn't ask what it was, i think he knew, especially when he saw dp give me the thumbs up sign, but asked me to reconsider, but i said my mind is made up, i am leaving, and i want it out in the open as soon as possible.
WOOOHOOOO!!!!!
Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life! Or should I say...Welcome back to life!
"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.
i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.
help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.
I think, Carla, that some are more successful in making things work. After 30 years of marriage, mine should stand a better than average chance. To be totally honest, it probably sticks more in my craw than his. I just hate knowing what the WTS thinks of me and that he is so devoted to them. It's almost like I feel he is disloyal to me in some way.
I think it also depends on how good of JW the spouse is. The more hard-core, the harder it probably is. If your whole life doesn't revolve around every utterance of the WTS, they you would probably do better and not have it come between you as much.
"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.
i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.
help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.
I ask a stupid question, but how can this get between a marriage, new or old.
My best answer is this: Being a JW is not a religion; it is a way of life. Don't ask me what that means....I just don't know how to explain it. It's just always THERE.
i am starting to notice some posts about ex-j.w.
's being mistreated, abused, by their fathers who were elders.. i wonder if this is quite common?.
hubert
I should NOT have read this right after I ate lunch.....it seriously made me sick to the point of throwing up.
My heart goes out to each and every one of you. My children were often 'disciplined' by their father with a huge oak paddle. Most times it was to excess. I was one of those mothers that sat back with tears streaming down my face while my child looked at me before they were 'disciplined'. I was the mother that all the other kids asked, 'Why don't you stand up to him, Mom? Why do you put up with this, Mom? How can you let him do this, Mom?" I seek forgiveness and understanding to this day. I don't know why. It's all I knew how to do and I'm sorry. (my kids have never expressed any resentment towards me over this since they have grow up, but my guilt remains)
We used to get in huge arguments over it but I was told that unless I could come up with a different answer, that is what he would do to keep them in line and 'save their lives'. None of my suggestions were ever the right ones. I'm so very, very sorry.
Maybe some of your moms were like this and feel the same now? I don't know.
"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.
i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.
help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.
(((carla)))
try crawling in bed with someone who thinks you are worthy of death and filled with satan. No he has never said such things to me but the org says it everyday about all non believers of the wts bullshit
This really nails it on the head although he claims he doesn't feel this way because he still keeps hoping I will come around in time. But I know what I've read and I know what my fate is according to WTS doctrine. Not an intimacy-inducing feeling.
Trust is also a big issue. According to JW mentality, they are the only truly moral people. If you stop going to meetings, it leaves you wide open for other worldly attitudes. Worldly people have no morals. How can an apostate possibly be trusted.
"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.
i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.
help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.
vitty....wow, first time I was ever called Betty Boop....sounded pretty funny hearing it.
Do you still love your husbands? And how do you when they are so emotinally removed from you ?
I was 20 when we were married. I love the familiarity, afraid of change. Our marriage was much like being in the borg in a controlling, guilt ridden type of way, so I have a lot of insecurity about 'where would I go away to' type of feelings. Claims that I could not make it on my own...yada, yada. He can be a good man and has been a good provider and he loves me. I guess I'm just not much 'in love' since I feel like I can't share his hopes and dreams and work towards them together.
They seem so remote and even cruel towards your feelings, I wonder how Jehovah regards them.
He doesn't mean to be cruel. I guess after being a JW myself for over 20 years, I know why he thinks the way he does. As I said, sometimes I find it difficult to separate him from the WTS and have a lot of resentment. I have no feelings one way or another about Jehovah. I can't go there.
Do you ever have intimate times together, I dont mean sex, but do you ever get connected emotinally, you know when you cuddle up and say how much you love each other and all that stuff.
Only sex and that is not very good without intimacy. I miss that.
How do you cope?????Alcohol. Seriously. My own fault for not doing something more.
