Posts by hopelesslystained

10

just need to vent.

by Axelspeed in

jw
friends

i need to vent i guess.

it's been a little while since i've even looked at the board.

i've tried to make a break to somehow get my life moving again, and i never wanted to be one to write a good bye post.

just need to vent.

by Axelspeed in

jw
friends

i need to vent i guess.

it's been a little while since i've even looked at the board.

i've tried to make a break to somehow get my life moving again, and i never wanted to be one to write a good bye post.

Sorry, I'm on firefox and just have not figured out how to make this look right.

I need to vent I guess. It's been a little while since I've even looked at the board. I've tried to make a break to somehow get my life moving again, and I never wanted to be one to write a good bye post.

*** Hi Axel, I realize I personally do not have much clout here on the board, since I do not post much nor have I exposed myself, so to speak. I understand how the need to vent can build and become action. Goodbye’s among confidant’s and friends, in my experience, have been only for temporary reasons anyway.

I guess I somehow know inside that growing up a jw is something that you can never really leave.

*** This is very true, but you can put the experience in its place in yourself and use the parts you feel have been beneficial, if any.

And so I find myself here again. But this time out of desperation and a need to vent. I feel my life circling the drain hole and I don't know what to do about it. I feel lost, more lost than I can express. As I write this I am wiping my eyes as I truly feel trapped with no way out.

*** Again, in my experience, this feeling you are describing is only that, a feeling. Ask yourself, are you allowing your childhood ingrained reasoning to control your thoughts right now? If so, why? Do you feel somehow undeserving of making your own decisions and that they are incorrect?

I have to admit, in my years as a jw I felt my life had more direction. I know that it was misguided and harmful, but there is something to be said for direction and purpose.

*** But, direction and purpose dictated to you by another is most likely for their own gratification. The toughest lesson I had to learn was that I was capable of make good decisions, even if those decisions did not please everyone, they were from the ‘gut’ and have proved over time to be correct for me and my being. To have what I thought was the Truth exposed and ripped from under me has shaken me to my very core. I don't quite know what to believe in or where to go. Look to yourself, honestly talk to yourself and ask/direct your questions to whomever, or whatever may be in charge of your personal best interests. An open and honest (in my case an out loud conversation with my reflection in the mirror) clearly stating my concerns, wishes, and sad nesses, brought about a certain calmness, certainness and happiness developed over approximately the next 6 mos. Life has been free of your currently expressed feelings which I have shared.

I believed so strongly before and now to discover that I was so wrong has made me unsteady and unsure. I am finding it hard to trust my own judgement in anything now. And so now I am living my life in a state of paralysis, afraid to make any moves as they might be the wrong ones, on the other hand I feel why bother. See the above, you can do it. I start projects and can't seem to finish them, for fear they won't measure up. I find myself frozen from starting anything fearing it will turn to dirt, and I will have failed yet again. I can't decide the what or why of anything. It has pained me so much. I was not always like this. Now it is beginning to affect me in ways I don't seem to be able to control, and it scares me to death. I feel like I am in a tunnel with a train heading for me and I can't seem to get off on the track. I tell myself to move and my feet feel stuck. I am considered pretty good at what I do, but I find myself with absolutely no motivation to do it anymore. I have associates that look and feel foreign to me now. And the anger that I thought I had worked through is still here and more deeply rooted than I think I have the ability to root out.

*** I can so totally understand. After all, weren’t we taught the current system, world, whatever, were going to be destroyed anyway? Why bother “all will come to ruin on Jehovah’s day of vindication” anyway.

My family is all in, and probably so for life. Am I really any better off? I want to curl up and just go away. Thanks for letting me vent a little.

49

DID ANYONE ELSE GET PASSED OVER W/THE KN TRACT?

by juni in

jw
friends

i live in a small, rural town pop.

2000. my daughter and i did not get any visit or tract.. i thought this was supposed to be a final warning - a life saving work.. not complaining, but just curious if you didn't get one.. juni .

hopelesslystained

nope. nothing here, and i live less than 1 mile from a kh. there is no way i am on their 'do not call' list either. i'm just their average neighbor in need of saving...sooooo why has my very recognizable home been passed over? maybe that little demon girl sitting on the bridge gave them a little scare ;)

11

Does the Governing Body go out in service?

by megsmomma in

jw
friends

does anyone know if they have to go out in service like the other jw's?

also, are the lawyers for the society jw's?

hopelesslystained

oh nos, i can remember a family car caravan to an assembly and all the adults were so reassured and happy seeing the wt mag pasted in the back windows. oooohhhh we have friends!!!

62

What song would you like to hear entering the Kingdom Hall?

by JH in

jw
friends

here i am, rocked you like a hurricane.

hopelesslystained

What, me??? entering a Kingdom Hall? Not happening! Well, maybe for my parents funeral(s). How about...Another one bites the dust?

11

Does the Governing Body go out in service?

by megsmomma in

jw
friends

does anyone know if they have to go out in service like the other jw's?

also, are the lawyers for the society jw's?

hopelesslystained

well, i just have to put in an a opinion here based on experience. no they do not. if one does accompany a publisher, it was only to analyze and suggest improvements to their teaching methods. ugggh! it has been many years since my association. But, even as a child, it was clear the jws are no more than a MLM company/society.

37

How did you feel, when you missed your 1st Memorial?

by JH in

jw
friends

i remember going to each memorial even when i was inactive.

i felt that i had to go to atleast that meeting.. then one year, i was sick on that day, and didn't go to the memorial.

it was a funny feeling to miss the most important day of the year, as a jw would call it.. but i got used to it, when i missed my 2nd and 3rd memorial..

hopelesslystained

When i made up my mind to quit the organization, I did it en-total. I must admit i do remember thinking that missing the memorial might bother me. Mostly because I thought it should. Well the memorial came and went without my even noticing it. Suprising is that I had attended every one for 25yrs. They were always a major let down. Especially once I was old enough to realize the elders made the final decision whether or not to count anyone who partook when none of those elders were of the remnant themselves! What a hoax...

18

The Clergy vs. Jehovah's Witnesses?

by Outaservice in

jw
friends

after i left the organization, one of the things that surprised me the most, was the clergy of christendom and their view of jehovah's witnesses.

i thought as a jw, we were the 'center' of their attention, and they not only hated us, but were afraid of all the things we published about them.. nothing could have been farther from the truth!

most ministers hardly knew anything about witnesses.

hopelesslystained

ah ha! yes, the "black helicopters" syndrome. i was informed of this when in the state of oregon. oh my!

18

The Clergy vs. Jehovah's Witnesses?

by Outaservice in

jw
friends

after i left the organization, one of the things that surprised me the most, was the clergy of christendom and their view of jehovah's witnesses.

i thought as a jw, we were the 'center' of their attention, and they not only hated us, but were afraid of all the things we published about them.. nothing could have been farther from the truth!

most ministers hardly knew anything about witnesses.

hopelesslystained

sunspot says: For THE "only people on earth" that are delivering that " URGENT lifesaving message"--- all that is known about them is that they knock on doors and wake others up on Saturday mornings!

That statement has been true for well over the 50 years of jw attitude i am aware of.

Those who are jws and believe they are part of an important work as the "only people on earth" delivering their "ugent" and "lifesaveing message" are delusional at best!

28

Jehoobie rocks out on you-tube! (puke alert) !!!

by kid-A in

you have to just see this to believe it....... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bib4vhdgmco.

who is this guy?

lol

hopelesslystained

omg jehowa! what an inspiring piece. not.

thank you for the reality check, dantheman.