In summary.....I met my BF 2 years ago when he was going thru a divorce, he is JW and so is she. He had an affair in first year of marriage stopped it and told her about it, confessing his sin and guilt and begging forgiveness. She was distraught and left him along with the baby that was just born....he begged for over a year for her to go back to him but she refused and barely let him see the child he loved. He was wracked with guilt over it all. He knows how worng he was and cannot forgive himself for what he done to his family.
During this time (when she was filing for divorcce and they were getting divorced..... i met him and fell immediately in love with him and wanted to ease his pain and support him..he was thrown out of JW and saw none of his former friends. He lost his life in fact, everyone he knew.
We became close....i fell in love....18mths later he said he loved me too....but still loved his wife. I lived with him for a short while when i waited for my flat to be ready to move into.It was wonderful. Then i moved out...we were still seeing each other but he was very hesitant to commit to me cos i wasnt JW and he thought one day he would go back to it. and also cos he still wasnt fully diorced....suddenly she didnt sign final divorce paper...and (2 years later since she had left) turned up on his doorstep with the child. He was shocked but felt he could not turn them away.
He told me....and we finished things bewteen us.
However 6mths later he said he loved me....that he still felt responsible for his wife and was wracked with guilt that he no longer felt same way as he once did about her.
Now shes telling him he must finish with me (he had been with honest with her telling her about me)...and that he can no longer go out with friends either.
Ive told him i will leave him and he should stay with family..although this would break my heart... However he says he cant do it..he no longer loves her the way he did....and he has told her this....
My problem is....I do not see that i broke up a marraige as they were going thru the diorce before i met him and lived sepeartely....my problem is how do i help him with the overwhelming sense of guilt he has....how do i help support him through this??? How do i help him see he is human and not an evil person.
I love him so very much but feel inadequate and hate standing back watching him in so much pain.
And yes you may say to me what about his wife....but i cant answe that...i cant make him stay with her when he doestnt love her that way anymore..and he has tried and we did split when she came back.....and it took her 2 yrs to come back to him and try forgive ......im not making excuse for him im not saying he did good..i just want to help him...please give me advice?
thank you