I think that when you get to that point, and you still want on some level to have a "normal" relationship, that the first thing you have to do is STOP.
Starting with the idea that damaged people attract damaged people, you need to consider "Ok, what is my problem? What issues drive me? What energy am I putting out, and therefore attracting?"
A therapist or other can help with this, but I think that if a person is honest with themselves they can accomplish this on their own too.
I also believe that you need to be a complete, self reliant soul before you go out seeking a partner. No not perfect, just aware that you are responsible for your health, thoughts, and emotions. You need to love yourself. If you are looking for someone to "complete me" or "make me happy", then your doomed from the get go.
Then you take the time to make yoruself a person who you would want to be with, who you would find attractive. Not in a gay way, but in a way "I like this guy, he's cool, we should hang out."
This takes time, but people will be drawn to you. At first it may be very difficult to not get involved with the wrong type of people again, this takes knowing yourself very well. Try to see what your patterns are: if the first person who comes up to you is always the one you go home with and then end up with for some time, but you're never happy with then STOP going with the first person who comes up to you. What may be harder is to go to the people who you may not feel an initial attraction. Part of this process is getting in touch with your gut, insticts. But since they've been leading you off for years, you will try to use them first as a reverse compass.
I think the most important step though is to work on yourself, and time being single could be looked at as a blessing as it gives you room to grow and change.