I remember sitting in the principals office like I had done something wrong. All the people that would come through would look at me like I had been a bad kid. It was like I was being disciplined because my mother didn't allow me to celebrate Christmas. I always hated Christmas. And then after the first of the year and all the kids had two weeks of new clothes and I sat there in the same old thing. I was always depressed.
I feel bad now because although my children (two oldest) haven't been around JW land since 95 and my youngest since 00, they did leave being around JWs while living with their dad and but did not start celebrating Christmas or other holidays. I feel like they are stuck in, "I don't believe in anything" land. My baby is 19, but they were all raised JWs and went through the same dysfunctional crap that we all did.
I don't live near the kids and haven't seen them since leaving the JWs yet, but am anxious too, but I have spoken to them on the phone and they know that I am no longer a JW. I asked one of my children about his birthday this month, remember we each had one and told him I was celebrating for the first time, but a present would be on its way. He (my 24 yr old) said very practical and budget like, mom, I don't celebrate birthdays, don't send me one. I can't afford to buy my friends presents on their birthday. I was sad. Here we stole all that from him as a child and even though he never got baptised or stayed associating, we took away the importance and the joy of the celebrations. They don't want Christmas presents from me.. so I must admit, I'm sad.. I am hoping next year we can start all new. I plan to send the youngest a present on his birthday even if he doesn't celebrate himself, and followed by his oldest brother and then the middle son. And hopefully next December I'll be sending them all Christmas presents too. It is a whole new life for me, and hopefully I can find a way to give some of it back to them.. for the guilt of taking it from them hurts my heart..
I think it is wonderful for those who are out early enough to give their children the pure joy and delight that can come with the holidays.. I'm so happy for all of you.