poor poor pitiful me........... my ex dumped me about 5 months ago now.
since then i have not let more than two weeks go by where i have not called him and broke down crying and pretty much begged for him to return to me.. during these five months i have managed to get involved with two people who are emotionally unstable.
i wonder how that happened.
I don't know that I have words of wisdom for you Sandy but I am thinking you are on the right track. We can only control our own actions in life and not those of others. By taking charge of your life and making decisions for you, I think you are doing some really positive things.
If begging never got him back, my opinion is that he never will. Sometimes we can't go back, even if we want to. By moving forward you will find a way to close a chapter of your life and yet open a new one.
as per my previous "proclamations of self-achievement" .
i passed my exam !
wohoo ... passed another exam !.
So I'm now officially an MCSD (Microsoft Certified Solution Developer) for .NET
awesome!! You are well on your way.. Imagine all the studying and work.. and putting up with us at the same time!!
Way to go!
our two kids were so excited this morning going to school.
this afternoon was the christmas party.
so they were all set with party clothes in a bag to change into and their assigned food/drink they had to bring.
I remember sitting in the principals office like I had done something wrong. All the people that would come through would look at me like I had been a bad kid. It was like I was being disciplined because my mother didn't allow me to celebrate Christmas. I always hated Christmas. And then after the first of the year and all the kids had two weeks of new clothes and I sat there in the same old thing. I was always depressed.
I feel bad now because although my children (two oldest) haven't been around JW land since 95 and my youngest since 00, they did leave being around JWs while living with their dad and but did not start celebrating Christmas or other holidays. I feel like they are stuck in, "I don't believe in anything" land. My baby is 19, but they were all raised JWs and went through the same dysfunctional crap that we all did.
I don't live near the kids and haven't seen them since leaving the JWs yet, but am anxious too, but I have spoken to them on the phone and they know that I am no longer a JW. I asked one of my children about his birthday this month, remember we each had one and told him I was celebrating for the first time, but a present would be on its way. He (my 24 yr old) said very practical and budget like, mom, I don't celebrate birthdays, don't send me one. I can't afford to buy my friends presents on their birthday. I was sad. Here we stole all that from him as a child and even though he never got baptised or stayed associating, we took away the importance and the joy of the celebrations. They don't want Christmas presents from me.. so I must admit, I'm sad.. I am hoping next year we can start all new. I plan to send the youngest a present on his birthday even if he doesn't celebrate himself, and followed by his oldest brother and then the middle son. And hopefully next December I'll be sending them all Christmas presents too. It is a whole new life for me, and hopefully I can find a way to give some of it back to them.. for the guilt of taking it from them hurts my heart..
I think it is wonderful for those who are out early enough to give their children the pure joy and delight that can come with the holidays.. I'm so happy for all of you.
...because i can't, not after what they said to me.
i've been noticing more an more that i'm more athiest than anything else because i don't have a gret attachment to god or spirituality.
ive mentally grouped it as a pseudoscience.
After Disassociation or Disfellowshipping, can u still pray or read bible? ...because I can't, not after what they said to me. |
Dec 16, 2003 | |
| Well I didn't get df'd or da'd, but because I made the choice to stop being a JW, and am doing activities that they would feel are a dissfellowshiping offense, I must admit, I have not yet been able to feel 'worthy' of praying, nor have I picked up the bible to read. I know it has to do with all the JW brainwash training we received, that if we didn't tow the line and do things 'just so' then we are damned to death. And yet I also know it is wrong. If that religion is wrong, then that training is wrong also, and we have to let go of the chains that drag us down to dirt. The one thing we do know, that if the bible is true (and I am yet of a thought that it is, just that we have been misguided by it), then there is a merciful God in heaven and he reads our hearts and he will somehow show us the way, even if it takes a while. If there isn't a God, (which I yet do not believe), then praying to him and reading the bible is not important. so either way, things will work out. What I do know for me I need is to take the steps to read some of the literature to help me rid myself of the feelings still trying to hold on to me from JW land. I think then I'll be able to find my answers without guilt. Maybe that will help you too.. I've just been too busy yet to sit down and read... but as soon as i am moved and have the time, I am going to make it a priority. |
||
i see lady lee and yellow lab have already started their own thread, but cj and i thought it would be a good idea to have a one stop shop for everbody's pictures.
lady lee, and yellowlab feel free to repost your pics here.
maybe i'll be able to start a thread that goes beyond 1 page lol
I had my own thread too...
I love your tree.. it is beautiful!!! 
this past weekend a relative came over with these ultimate fighting dvds that he bought but he wouldn't sit down and watch city by the sea because it is rated r.
they can be so dense and hypocritical!
when i pointed out to him that his ultimate fighting dvds are un-rated but in my opinion it is far worse to watch people fighting for pure entertainment purposes than it is to see a rated r movie that teaches a great life lesson.
I guess I always was a bad girl in this area! I used to watch R movies. I just didn't rent them when other JWs were coming over and I thought it might offend them.
I remember once showing some friends the movie Born in East LA with Cheech Marin. We thought it was really funny.. only a few minutes into it, the JW friends who were staying/visiting with us, apologized but said they would have to go in the other room because all the swearing offended them. I hadn't even noticed.. ooops..
.
hubby just bagged a white tail!!!.
off to slice and dice now!.
I hate to see deer killed along the roadway.
that is the problem in some states. When I lived in Wisconsin, some years we had a huge problem with the overpopulation of deer. Often a dangerous unforseen scare of deer darting across the road would be a part of the drive home. When the snow first melted, you could look into fields on the sides of the road and find 40 and more there looking for food, vegetation to eat. The problem is they are too close to the roads and so it is a hazard for them, and for people. A car accident caused by a deer could trigger even a bad enough accident for major injuries or fatalities.
Not to mention, over population leads to some starving to death as well.
okay, i'll start it off!
it was a fun weekend -- on friday night we had a fairly quiet (for us) gathering at xenawarrier's and lauralisa's hotel room with hors d'oeuvres and then a nice dinner at gloria's.
saturday was lunch at sonny bryan's bbq and then off to get some culture at the dallas museum of art.
great pictures!! looks like so much fun!!
last evening i recieved an e-mail from my aunt who is not a jw, and she told me that my mom was taken to the hospital with a serious bowel obstruction.
my aunt knowing our family sitution felt it would be a good time to see what your mom would do.
so i called my sister who lives not to far from me.
I wish I could remember everything I tried to post this morning!! Let me try.
Terry, I'm glad you see the love outpoured to you in this thread. Many of us have felt similar pain in our lives for similar reasons. It's not natural to be cut off from family and yet this religion does it. We can have empathy and understanding for you. What helps me I guess is not to put the anger on the people but on the WTS. If our loved ones were not so blinded, they would be in our lives. It keeps coming back to me what you said about your mom saying she loved you. You made the comment that she never was a very good as expressing love even when you were a JW, so for her to be telling you that, no doubt truly came from her heart in the only way she could. She could have not spoken the words. What helps me, as I began is remember why, the honest hearted reasons which justify in a softer way why they do not associate with us. In a twisted way, they may actually think that is showing love but obeying, setting and example and trying to get us back. True it won't, but it doesn't mean we aren't loved. Your comments tell me you are even if you need more.
We all need more. Fortunately we have each other. Hang in here... focus if you can on the positives.. even if they are small.. you heard the word love.. thats a big word.. and a word that some may not get to hear..
I'm glad that your grandmother was there as a good loving influence for you. My mother's mother also hated the JWs. When she died, she was out of here head and rambling about Jehovah's Witneses coming. She was scared. She begged me when I was little, when I grew up to leave them. Unfortunately she died long before I was out too.. all I could do was hold her hand..
i've just read in another thread that due to circumstances the secret santa for this year hasn't been able to happen, so i want to try and organise another one!.
according to the lady at the post office, the closing date for international mail to be delivered before xmas is this week, but for post on the same continent we still have a few weeks so i'll try and take that into account so everyone can have their prezzy before christmas day.
if everyone who wants to join in can pm or email me at [email protected] with their details before 12noon sunday 30th november(uk time), i'll try and get the details back to you by sunday night.
I mailed off my secret santa present last week priority mail.... just checking in see if it arrived safely???
~Sassy~ (used to be sns) The label card would have from sns on it..
