No good news to report

by gringojj 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  SamIam1976

  Hi gringojj,

  Sorry to hear about your wife having a rough time. I went through a similar patch of thinking that God was giving me a sign when 2 elders came knocking on my door last year. I let them come into my home even let them bring the magazines and try to talk me into coming to the Sunday meeting with them they would watch my son...the whole bit. But I never went. Then when I was pregnant with my daughter they showed up with a medical directive and my ministerial servant younger brother showed up too. Pressuring me to sign this so I wouldn't let the doctors give me any blood transfusion if something should happen with my pregnancy. That was the last straw for my husband. I never signed that document I wasn't comfortable with the words "I am professing to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses and these are my beliefs"

  But I gave them the benefit of the doubt and let them still continue to bring the mags and visit with me. I was curious to see how far this Elder was willing to go to "save my soul". He showed up a few days after my daughter was born she was healthy and everything was fine. But he was there on a mission that day he came with Elder 2. Sat himself down at my kitchen table with bibles in hand proceeded to question me about celebrating holidays and he said that someone gave him a photocopy of a family photo I had taken with a christmas tree in the background. Then he proceeded to read from the scripture that said you are touching the unclean thing. And he asked if I still wanted to be considered a JW. He was threatening me with my family relations and saying it would be a real shame if I couldn't talk to my parents again or my kids couldn't know their grandparents or their uncle. I had finally had enough of the beligerent accusations flying from this a$$hole's mouth. My daughter had done quite the poop in her diaper and my son had urinated on the Elders shoes but he kept at it with me. I told him I wished not to discuss what I do with my personal life outside of the KH. I told him that what I did in my home with my family was MY business and no one elses. As far as this matter is concerned the subject is closed. I told them "You know where the door is don't let it hit you on the way out". And walked upstairs to clean up the children. But that didn't stop them from persuing me. The 2 elders showed up at my door 2 more times!!! The 2nd time my neighbor had to step inbetween me and Elder 1 told him to leave me alone and to get the hell of my property. My husband was so infuriated at this man he looked him up in the phone book and called him at home. This elder had the balls to ask my husband if he knew who he was talking to. He identified himself to my husband as the PO of the Portland, ME congregation!! My husband said to him, "You could be the pope for all I care you don't come near my wife and children ever again!" He also asked him if he thought he was doing God's work by harrassing and threatening a woman in her own home with her two children.

  Well I know this is wordy here..but this experiance was the straw that broke the camals back for me. I was happy sitting on the fence with these guys to keep my parents happy. But I'm not a fence sitter anymore. I am tired of being harrassed and threatened and dragged around by the throat in fear of displeasing not only Jehovah but the lofty Elders. I have made my choice and I'm happy with it. I am no longer a JW. And I let these people know. I even let my parents know. And they are totally ok with it. My brother is the only one in my immediate family who shuns me. So I guess I have it pretty good.

  If I were you I would be as supportive as you can with her. Let her know that you disagree with this religion and why and it makes you so upset to see her go through the same cycle over and over again with these people. Have a real heart to heart with her. She needs to come to the realization herself that this religion is nothing but a false religion and will send her down the long road of misery yet again. I do hope good things for you.

  Best of luck.

  Sherry
• 

  M*A*S*H

  Hi gringojj

  Although I can't really understand what you are personally are going through, I do perhaps have some understanding of what it's like to grow up a JW and then leave.

  Your wife has been indoctrinated from the point she was able to understand. She probably knows intellectually that the religion makes little sense...which is why she is having doubts. Unfortunately powerful indoctrination can override any and all intelligent thought at times. For a while, even once I left, the fact is, sometimes I got scared - scared Amegeddon was coming, scared I'd made the wrong choice, scared even of demons. Demons I tell you - a grown man scared of demons - I watched a horror film one evening and actually thought perhaps a demon was watching me and laughing at me because I'd left the religion! Intellectually of course, I knew it was all rubbish, but that matters little.

  It's always important to ask searching questions, especially when encouraging a loved one to leave the religion - but sometimes it's important to understand and talk about their fears. Continously knocking away at someone's foundation in life forces them to sure up the defences, we must strive to change the foundation, not destroy it.

  I really hope your wife can overcome her fears and that you find the strength in each other to face the world.

  PS. Imagine you entered a race, the prize was a £100,000,000 (or everlasting life, whichever)...in fact you win the prize just for finishing the race...the only catch is no one has told you how many laps you need to do...but you're pretty sure it's only a couple more laps...in fact everyone racing with you has told you "not long now, just a couple more laps"...In fact you remember someone told you when you entered "there are some clues when the race is about to finish, heavy breathing, thirst and tiredness"...you're certainly feeling that! So there you are running along, wondering how to spend the cash, and from the side lines someone you trust shouts 'There is no prize, you're running for nothing!'... how many more laps would you do?
• 

  DanTheMan

  ((Sherry))

  Gringojj, It's real easy for me to be an armchair quarterback here, but my IMHO the best way to handle the situation is to just be really mellow about the whole thing. It sounds like your wife has an emotional need that only JWism can answer for her right now, and no amount of reasoning about the stupidity of it all is going to remove that. It might take her a long time.
• 

  gringojj

  Thanks for all the support friends. I let my wife read these posts and she likes what alot of you are saying. I wish she would start posting here maybe it would begin her healing.
• 

  Bstndance

  "Teletubbies... demonism... I just don't see the connection." I think they speak in tongues. :-P I'm waiting to see Blondie's advice. She is always filled with sound advice.
• 

  gringojj

  Yes I would like to see Blondies advice too
• 

  Lady Lee

  Teletubbies

  the purple one is rumored to be gay hence the restriction on them.

  The makers of Teletubbies deny it but as usual the rumor continues

  I had an opprtuntiy recently to watch my 15 month old grandson watch them. Of everything that was on TV that show caught his attention the most. He liked the music and would dance - so cute cuz he stands there and stomps one foot

  Mrs Gringo Hi! I'm glad you are reading along and welcome
• 

  jgnat

  Here's an idea to inoculate her from the "love bombing". Quiz her on what she expects when she visits the hall. Based on her past experience, what are the congregation members likely to do? By getting her to think about it and talk about it, she will be in "objective-observation" mode when she goes to the hall. She'll be looking for the behaviour she was expecting. This works in your favour in two ways. If they are cold, she will be severely disappointed after all this time. If they "love bomb" her, she will wonder why they were so predictable? When you know what to look for, it doesn't come off as so sincere.

  I agree with Lady Lee. These days there are elders posted about the hall looking for interlopers. It is NOT a friendly experience at all.

  If she swings back to non-attender, help her fill the vaccum. That's what sucked her in this time. She needs some kind of faith or cause to replace what she lost. When you can, involve her in some active dreaming, planning, where does she see herself in five years? What is she doing? What kind of friends will she have? This will help her not to bob along with the currents of the moment and start taking charge of her life.

  It doesn't hurt to suit up and case out the joint for yourself. Know your enemy. Afterwards you can say things like, "That girl in the wheelchair sure seemed sweet. I wonder why no-one went up to talk to her after the meeting?" or, "Who were the people who came in at the last minute and took a seat at the back? Howcome no-one talked to them? That's odd."

  As for the dreaded sinking feeling, all I can say brother, I've been there and I feel your pain.
• 

  Es

  Sorry to hear this, it must be really hard for you both.

  Keep us updated

  es
• 

  gringojj

  Hi everyone,this is gringojjs wife.I thankyou all for your comments and your help,really makes me feel better about my situation especially since i see that most of what im going through alot of you have been through the exact same thing.It makes me realize im not the only one and that i can get through this tough time like most of you have.I can really identify with the poster who made the comments about being scared after leaving,not realizing if it was the right decision or not.I am really scared of armagedon,of invisible wicked forces the wts teaches you to turn away from,just like the poster i watched a horror film a couple nights ago and it was about demonism,i was extremely scared i was going to be bothered by the demons for getting involved in watching those kinds of movies.Its ridiculus how scared i was,just believing in satan and his demons,and what they could or could not do.Something my husband doesnt really understand because he doesnt believe in satan or jehovah or a god at all,but when you do believe its scary to think you are upseting god or on the side of satan.I dont know where i am at right now i do know that im confused,the witnesses coming to the door,halloween coming up......which btw i celebrated last year but my concience is really doing me in this time.........I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE KIDS ! Do they celebrate do they not?I dont know, when the time comes mabe i will but i know one thing i have to make a choice, for my husbands sake,for my SANITY,and for our children.I am glad i have people to share my pain and suffering with,my mother says i dont want to suffer at all because im afraid of losing my husband if i become baptized,she says thats what you have to do for the truth....suffer....Im not going to be happy suffering through life and for what?Mabe nothing.I am not afraid of losing my husband i am afraid of dissapointing my mom but im not going to stay in a religon that makes me totally screwed up in the head.I used to have panic attacks when i was attending meetings i havent had one since not attending,i still have exterme anxiety from worry and fear but no panic attacks....hm....go figure!Last thing,the other day a born again christian approched me by my local post office and asked me if i was interested in attending his church.I simply told him no thankyou my children are already screwed up enough from the JWS.