Likening my exit from the JWs to a bad divorce

by findingmyway 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • findingmyway

    Unlike those of you who made the choice to drift or fade away, I was df'd a few years ago and, at the time, I thought I would return. With the passing of time, I am realizing that going back for the sake of mending family bonds is not a good enough reason to go back. But my family has been holding out the hope that I will return. I liken my experience to a wife separated from her husband who is realizing that she doesn't want to reconcile, but the husband doesn't want to let go. Right now, I can't bring myself to tell my family that I never want to be reinstated. So I am contributing to the hopes that they are holding onto by not being clear about that.

    I don't know where I'm heading yet, but I know I won't ever go back. I hope one day soon, I'll find the strength to tell my family that I do not want to return to the organization.

  • jgnat

    My friend says that ex-JW's are some of the bravest people on earth. The cost of being true to yourself, at the cost of losing all your family and friends is so very high.

  • jgnat

    Oh yeah, another friend of mine, now a Judge, says no divorce is finalized until both partners are ready to face that it's over. By then, three-to-five lawyers later and how many years, a hotshot takes over and thinks they are the cat's meow in divorce court. But all that happened was that both parties were ready to move on.

    But when does JW family reconcile their delusion to reality? To admit you are not coming back would be to admit they've lost "faith".

  • unbeliever

    One of my very good friends parents were very upset that she did not tell them for more than 2 years that she has no intention of going back to meetings. She did eventually get DF'd. The thing is though unless she made the decision to go back to meetings they would not be happy with any decision she made. I would not sweat too much about not telling them that you will not get reinstated.


    As I have mentioned in several of my posts, most of my family members decided to stop attending meetings around the same time, within a year or two. One of my brothers was DF'd for approaching the elders with the U.N. information. I have tons of relatives still in the organization and we have so far been able to just fade, but still see relatives occasionally. My immediate family including myself can not stand the thought of going back. I could not sit there and listen to that propaganda that they are spewing out and knowing what is really going on. It's just an insult to my intelligence. I admire the ones who stay in though and give us updates on what is being taught and "new light". I guess after so many years I just can't bring myself to go back for any reason. Everyone's circustance is different and you will just have to decide for yourself what you want to do and at what cost.

    Hope this helps a little,


  • findingmyway
    My friend says that ex-JW's are some of the bravest people on earth.

    Brave, huh? I don't know how brave I feel, but I certainly do experience moments of insanity...especially after discussing the topic at nausea.

  • coolhandluke


    Your handle makes me think of lyrics from a Metallica song called bleeding me. I think they are appropriate:

    Oh, the bleeding of me

    I’m diggin’ my way
    I’m diggin’ my way to somethin’
    I’m diggin’ my way to something better

    I’m pushin’ to stay
    I’m pushin’ to stay with somethin’
    I’m pushin’ to stay with something better

    And you will

  • Cordelia

    i completely understand what you mean, i got dfed and didnt even appeal as i saw it as my way of escape, then came on this website and now totaly dont want the 'truth'

    but somehow i have got myself in the posistion of promising my lovely dad i will get reinstated actually put my letter in now, (only coz i know they wont reinstate me) its so not what i want but somehow i cant seem to tell my dad!

    the rest of my family dont talk to me at all and it hurts so i thought id get reinstated get that annoucement and then leave, but ive realised that would hurt them too, i must tell them and soon!

    good luck to u let me know how u get on ....

  • findingmyway


    I've been df'd 4 times... I know, TMI. With the exception of this last time, each time I submitted a letter for reinstatement it was for my family. This last time, I did submit a letter - 2 actually - because I really felt that I was ready to "walk the walk" and my plea was rejected twice because of "my past." That would be my final attempt to return. I am a single parent now and therefore have a family of my own. I no longer think in terms of what my family (mother, father, siblings, etc.) wants, rather what my family (my son & myself) needs.

    I've come a long way -- I can even track my progress, but I have an even longer way to go. I take it one step at a time. Looking back, I know that even if they had reinstated me that last time, it was never and never will be in my heart to be a JW. I would never "make the truth my own."

    My best to you!

  • What_is_ur_point

    Awe i feel your pain and i understand completly in a way that you cant possibly imagine.

    dont feel ashamed to rejoin. but, dont feel ashamed not too. Ive been disfellowshipped twice now. both times I told on myself. and both times i was sad. but then began to realize that all my friends around me who were still inside are losing there virginity.

    people are not perfect. but tell me you think it's hard to go back... it takes about a year or less and you have to attend regularly and you must read all the publications. once your back in you forget all the reading and the talking and you return to the What is life really about phase.. then you tell yourself.. well it's about the paradise. and in the bible that I have read there are regulations to abide by.. although remember jehovah wants what we can give. so if you got reinstated and only went 1 meeting a week that would be your best. and thats all he wants. all the other power hungry go go go be a pioneer be this be that ....

    the only people i met who were fascinating people were not pioneers. they were normal average Joe blow witness who really cared for one another. and most were disfellowshipped.. bringing themselves to tell on themselves for actions WE ALL DO.........

    and if they say they dont THEY ARE ones perfect.. elders disfellowship when the victim appears to have no fear.

    having No godly fear scares them. or concerns them...but in fact prayer to jehovah should be just as sufficient.

    i know being disfellowshipped is hard and believe me it's killing me.. but I know one day when iam old and grey there will be alot of time. to be with your family..time is a marvelous thing..

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