Does anyone feel like me???... am I obsessed.

by zagor 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  Dawn

  zagor - I don't know how long it has been since you have been out, but your feelings are valid. However, just acknowleding they are valid is not enough - you need to find a way to deal with them - like LadyLee said. If you don't, they will destroy you.

  I know first hand, not only with anger from leaving the JW's, but later on when my brother was killed - I had so much anger - it was causing me problems with my husband and my life.

  I went to counseling and it really helped. The counselor helped me find ways to confront the anger both over my JW past and my brother's death. I was eventually able to let most of it go. I'm not perfect, I still feel the anger from time to time. But it no longer hinders my life. So my advice to you is to seek counseling. Not only will it help you - but it will also show your girlfriend that you recognize the situation and that you are taking positive steps to solve it.
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  JamesThomas

  every time I think about WTBS I get angry and frustrated which is beyond the reason

  Dear zagor,

  Take time to clearly see that it is thoughts which trigger anger and frustration. When the dynamics of thoughts and emotions is unmistakably discerned then you can choose not to go there.

  j
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  I quit!

  I didn't have a lot of problems when I left. I was just so happy have it out of my life. However to this day I hardly look at a WT with angry. They are so full of crap. I think how you deal with it when you leave depends on a lot of things like if you were born into it, how long you were in and what type of witnesses you had to deal with when you were a JW. A person who was raise in had to go to school and not salute the flag, participate in school activities, avoid holiday, waste their weekends at meeting and in service etc. That is lot of pressure for a kid to deal with.

  Dont' be to hard on your girl friend for not understanding. A person who has not been in a cult has no idea what harm they can do. They tend to view it the same way as someone leaving the Baptist or Catholic church.
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  What_is_ur_point

  Iam SOO obsessed I feel possessed. Ive been losing sleep over this whole slew of my live in the past 26years. i have nightmeres about the day i was baptised. and i look at the picture and wanna cry..(i put it on my fridge).. and OR go back in time and sTop myself. Iam currently Disfellowshipped yet again.. on my second time. I guess Going late and leaving early for the first time wasen't hard on me enough. i seemd to had forgotten all the torment. when i was 18 1/2 I was hunted down by a group or elders who met with me to disfellowship me the first time. I had basically wrote a dfd letter but still they seem to call when there on the search and destroy team. BUT. i keep my sense of humor. it's the only thing i got left. UM, i was then dfd for almost 5years. When i went into a mind trap. to be reinstated, some odd desire to be pure and run after a life i had from 0-18. I feel sad cause i only had been reinstated for 2 years about until the sexual desires in me wanted out. So i did it. and I was dfd for having sex two times in 2 years.. while telling the elders that was pretty good....no good choice of words i guess...??? BUT soooo many young kids were getting away with murder so to speak and i went willingly and told on myself. I got punished for doing the RIGHT thing.. even a HOMOSexual from my old hall got away with all his bad stuff cause he was dating another girl fast after I and was obviously pressured into marrying her.. so escaping eviction.. he was Veto'ed. lol OMG thats good,. but.... but.. i feel no part of the world.. that makes me happy.. :) So now ive been dfd since februaryish 2005. and its tough some nights i cry and cry and fear and cry and cry and fear...yet iam trying to have a normal life with my 2nd boyfriend.. that i had been dating for almost a year and he really cares about me. something witness never taught me that WORLDLY people have feelings too.. i realize how mind trapped i was when my POOr grandma died who was baptist that i think of everyday...and i know ill see her again..i went to her funeral..my sister didn't.. and my mom didn't...and me and my dad were there.. my dad has never been a witness but is talking like one these days i wonder if he will shun me soon like my sister and mom are now..:((
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  jwfacts

  I too am currently so obsessed that i feel possessed. I am extremely placid in my everyday life and my work mates regularly mention they can not imagine me angry, but when i get together with my parents I can not control the intense anger that i feel for the Organisation, nor discuss it with them civilly.
  I just read the thread on toxic parents toxic religion, and was quite surprised to see it listed. I read the book a couple of years ago and it was reading the checklist that made me realise that i have be abused, not by my parents, but by a religion. I found i could substitute the word Society instead of father for almost every question.
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  Lady Lee

  What_is_ur_point

  First, welcome to the board. Please try reading some of the links that I put in earlier and the one that Frannie put in. The WTS uses fear to scare people into believing what they teach. The use abusive tactics to control people. Be glad you are out and now you can learn to be free.

  jwfacts

  Yes I thought the parrallels were right on. Abuse is abuse and it is wrong and most certainly not Christian or loving.
• 

  tall penguin

  I actually just posted last week about the anger I feel right now. I'm fresh out and know that these are normal feelings. It's just so frustrating at times because most people have no clue about what it's like to have been raised as a jw. That's why I'm happy I have jwd.
  I personally am in therapy (Gestalt) and am finding it very useful. I'm learning to express my anger rather than keeping it all bottled up. It's nice to have a healthy outlet for this.
  Yet the anger remains. IMHO it's righteous indignation. Abuse inflicted in the name of God is something worth being angry about!
  tp
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  Lady Lee

  Abuse inflicted in the name of God is something worth being angry about!

  One of the best lines I've read lately
• 

  zagor

  
  

  I want to thank each and every one of you for you replies; I've just read them all. It’s like surviving TBC I guess and long after suffering side effects.
  
  Sometimes I'm angry with myself for believing it all, and sometimes very confused. The only thing that keeps me grounded is return to my studies, (which I left under pressure originally).

  I'm upset with myself that I was able to accept a line of doctrine with such far-reaching consequences without studying it thoroughly. I mean really how do you explain that and forgive it to yourself that you went into something without studying it through and through and possibly affecting other people's lives. Was I really that stupid back then? But it is, I guess, same like seeing an infomercial after midnight and rushing for you credit card to get there “while stock lasts” It never even occurred to you that they have a warehouse full of the crap.

  And yes I have to stop thinking about them before it destroys everything that’s good in my life including my relationship with my gf. I even stopped coming to this website for a while trying to heal my feelings. Every time I’ve read something new I get pissed off even more (Excuse my French). Last week dubs were doing the street where I live and I couldn’t help but notice their cynical smiles as they were pointing toward my house and talking something among themselves (Quite Christ-like I would imagine)

  One of these days when it stops bothering me I might investigate their literature like Quotes does on his website just to see for myself what really is there. But right now I can’t even stand their logo.
• 

  wanderlustguy

  I went through the same thing at almost the same time you are at right now (time being at JWD). Someone told me it's the "kicking the puppy" stage where it all just pisses you off. I don't know how to describe what is next, because I'm still in the middle of it and I think it will sound wrong. What you are feeling is normal and JT is right in that now you have to figure out what you hate and anre angry at (hint: it's not you for being dumb).

  Also you are now learning how to learn again...keep that up, and have an open mind. Now more than ever you should be open to new ideas...and new sources of happiness.

  Good luck!

  WLG