E-mail from a Former JW Friend

findingmyway

Hey Sweets: Hope all is well. It is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and wonder will I ever get the chance to be with you again. Life is going great for me. Working hard and trying to maintain. [her daughter] is in 2nd grade this year. Getting big and a very independent young lady. I saw [my son's name here] at the meeting last week he is a young handsome man. I couldn't believe how big he was. So, what going on with you? How has life been treating you. Since we never bite our tongue "What is the hold up with you?" Are you having fun, do you have a boyfriend, what's going on. I never thought it would be this long. Whatever it is, don't stay gone to long, try to work to get yourself together. I love you and I would do anything to make it like it use to be. Always, know I love you and I long for the day to hang out with you. Hugs & Kisses -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She periodically sends me emails to check in on my and I usually reply "I'm doing fine....all is well...hope to see you soon.", but I rolled my eyes when I read this. I really don't know how to reply. She sent this on 9/21 and I've been to busy until now to even focus on this, but I don't want to tell her or anyone else that I will never be reinstated and I'm never coming back. I know she's sincere, but what's the deal with wanting to know if I'm having fun. She clearly doesn't know me because she makes it out like I'm out here partying. I'm living my life like any other normal person. Yes, I have a wonderful boyfriend. I go to work everyday. I'm taking classes online and I expect to complete my degree in 2 years. What exactly does she expect to hear? I bet they think that everyone who leaves the organization leads lives of debauchery and filth. I'm not sure yet, but I doubt that I'll respond to her.

kid-A

I dont really know the history, but it seemed she really misses you. What does "what is the hold up with you" mean, I didnt understand that.

findingmyway

I was df'd about 4 years ago (I think...I really can't remember exactly) and she's been pleading for me to return to the organization. When I was first df'd I thought I wanted to go back, but over the past year, I realized that, for numerous reasons, I just don't want to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. It started when I lost my fear of Armageddon and death. We were close, but that was years ago and I've outgrown all the JWs that I once had close relationships with. I simply cannot relate to them.

AlmostAtheist

(Understand, I don't know you or her, so this is my opinion based on very little information. If I'm way off, just ignore me.)

Honestly, I don't think she meant anything by the "are you having fun?" line. It sounds like she's trying to make it sound like a casual email, like you might write to any friend, while recognizing that it is actually quite serious. She wants you to "return to Jehovah", so much so that she's willing to break protocol and risk a judicial committee herself by contacting you. There's a lot hanging in the balance here for her.

I think it would be a shame not to respond. Tell her about school and how you feel about your goal of graduating, what you intend to do after school and so forth. If you think she's up to it, maybe explain that you feel like you've 'gotten yourself together' already and don't need to come to the meetings to do it. Not to be nasty, but to reach out a little.

She's coloring outside the lines by contacting you, maybe she's not so sure it's all the "Truth" herself?

Dave

Finally-Free

Whatever it is, don't stay gone to long, try to work to get yourself together.

I have to laugh at the JW assumption that you don't have "yourself together" simply because you're not one of them. You're probably more "together" now than ever before.

W

kid-A

Well now that I see the context I can understand your position. The letter seems "sweetly condescending" for lack of a better term. But its the typical JW mindset, assuming if you are not "in the truth" you must be living a life of debauchery. I would write back and tell her how great your life is and how fulfilled you are (without even mentioning the JWs) !

Elsewhere

Hell, I'd taker her on her word and offer to have her over for dinner at your home.

I wonder if she would accept?

bikerchic

I know she's sincere, but what's the deal with wanting to know if I'm having fun. She clearly doesn't know me because she makes it out like I'm out here partying. I'm living my life like any other normal person. Yes, I have a wonderful boyfriend. I go to work everyday. I'm taking classes online and I expect to complete my degree in 2 years. What exactly does she expect to hear? I bet they think that everyone who leaves the organization leads lives of debauchery and filth.

I wouldn't try to presume what she wants to know but what you've stated about yourself would be a good reply. A life well lived is the best revenge.

BTW for an active JW she is sure taking her chances in corresponding with you at all, I think that shows she cares. When my best JW friend found out that I was living a great life outside the B'org and had no desire to go back, she dumped me, due to me being a bad association. Thirty one years is a long time to invest and get your heart broken, it still pains me to this day. So many times I want to call her up and tell her some snippit of my life, sigh.

thom

She sounds sincere to me, but of course I don't know her... She's taking a risk even contacting you which could indicate the possibility she's willing to continue a friendship with you.
I would probably reply in a pleasant way and just avoid any JW comments at all. It's possible that MAYBE you may end up keeping a friendship if she's willing. I hate to lose friends if I don't really have to. I know many if not most JW's are ready and willing to write off those who leave, but there are a few that will continue to be good friends even if you do. I have at least one friend like that.

findingmyway

How's this?

Hey there! I'm sorry to just get back to you, but I've been crazy busy planning this conference for my firm's diversity committee (www.2005DiversitySummit.com). I'm glad it's finally over because that was my life for the past 6 months. Anyway, I'm so happy to hear from you and to hear that life is good for you. I bet Miss [her daughter's name here] is just a perfect little independent lady much these days. 2nd grade! It seems like just yesterday that [my son's name here] was in the 2nd grade. He's in the 4th now. It seems like the older they get the closer they become in age. I guess 2 years isn't a lot. Life is going well for me also. Like I said I've been working hard too. Balancing mommyhood, school and career gets a little bit overwhelming at times, but overall everything is great! I love you too! Kiss Bri for me. Take care, Nikki

E-mail from a Former JW Friend

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