I've been lurking for some time and now its time for me to say hello.
I want to call myself Sam on here to avoid any repercussions, whatever they may be I have learnt to cover my back in this life from the experiences I now ask if I may relate.
I was born into a black working class household in England to a mother who had remarried after splitting up with her first husband in Barbados. She had married and come to England from that Island to live after the British government sent out a mass invite for immigrants in the late 50's and early 60's. In mid 1960 she gave birth to me, a little while later my sister and from that moment in time came the struggle which would send me on my path today. My father was never interested in religion and used to belittle my mother, her views, beliefs and faith as much as he possibly could. I recall times at night when my father used to come home drunk and dance with semi-clad women downstairs in an attempt to wind my mother down. Being fair, she wasn't exactly fair to him either, but I will get to that.
Since as early as I can remember, I was being dragged to the meeting, in the hope that someday the brainwashing would rub off on me and then I would come at will. That day certainly came, to the point where in the run up to the 90's I chose to 'serve Jehovah' and serve at Bethel. I left the stresses and tribulations of home life behind me and looked forward to my big adventure. I didn't know it then, but I was about to embark upon the most eye opening course of events that I could never have predicted.
The congregation elders had no problem OK'ing me for the Bethel service...I was at a convention in '89 when I heard an announcement that they wanted 'spiritual brothers' to help with this massive increase in interest and that this way I could really become close to God. I had been thinking about it for a long time and without much effort or heartbreak I decided to leave 'the lot of them to it' and clear off.
So the day of reckoning was finally upon me and I packed up for Bethel. From the moment I arrived, I knew that I was going to see things which would turn everything upside down. Two 'brothers' were in fistcuffs beating the hell out of each other. It was an arguement over the printing press, but to my amazement nobody was stepping in. The fight was allowed to continue for a long time before they broke away. The brothers carried on like it was a daily occurance... I learnt later on that it was.
One thing that struck me in the early days was the total lack of enthusiasm and humour. I was very quickly assigned to a task, working in the kitchens as a baker. The days were long, and with the work, you also had to somehow cram in all the monotonous bible study and meeting preperation. My initial enthusiasm was also failing. Other Bethelites, particularly younger ones, the general feeling was 'how long have you got left?' as if you were serving a jail setence. There used to be a minimum stay quota back then, I dont know about now, but somehow the rules bent for various Bethelites. If a Bethelite come from a respected Witness family, maybe 3rd generation, then the 2 year rule would be passed. Bethelites like me were somehow given 4 years. All this sounded very appealing to me on the outside, but when those 4 years were up, I got out fast. There were many people who served time like it was really that- time. Many left on the exact day...only a handful who had risen to higher positions - or obviously those already in such positions - chose to stay.
There were instances of extreeme, blatant hypocrisy. Bethel elders councilled younger ones on various things, but didnt apply that council to themselves. I was shocked to hear what was being said behind such elder's backs. I went into this place thinking that this was God's organization - I came out KNOWING that it wasnt. There were instances of binge drinking, drug abuse but the most unbelievable mind blowing thing that hit me hard was the homosexuality which went on. I cannot begin to tell you guys the truth behind those gates... many JW's would refuse to believe it, as did my mother when I attempted to tell her, and my sister also. I never met the guy, but one person by the name Chitty(commonly known as shitty) was homosexual, and it was well known. He used to be at Brooklyn. I found this out in the first few weeks, and let me tell you, it was a shock. He's dead now, and they all said it was AIDS after he had unprotected sex. I remember the words of a brother who returned from Bethel service a few months before I left for mine, and he turned to me and said 'Bethel will corrupt you'. I thought he was joking, pulling my leg. Rumours spread around Bethel like wildfire, and I found out many things about these so called Godly people - it shook my world.
This all seems like so long ago, since then I married and have two kids, and I am stuck in a totally JW set up, scared of getting out for I could lose my kids and my wife. I want neither to happen. I beleive the best thing to do is to remain annonymous yet help as many people as I can to see what kind of religion we are involved with here. I notice that this is a site for ex-Jw's, but please, if you are a JW, there are many people who would verify to these facts.
I hope I can be of assistance to anybody here.