I Thought we had Friends!

by Kelley959 16 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Kelley959

    I am a life long JW, but this issue I'm going through has taken the cake.

    I am in a job situation that is not good.  And we were PROMISED to us in our old hall that we would have a roof over our head for us an our animals.  So I gave notice on Thursday then went to call by so-called JW Friends and they backed out and claimed he now couldn't let us move in and broke the deal.  I had told him about the cats and dogs both earlier, said it was fine, then basically said "be warm and well fed".  Not only that but the son in law to help us move promised to help us when we needed it but claims he now cant, his transmission is out.

    So then I had to call my boss, thank goodness he is my friend too, and tell him I wasn't leaving so now I have to see if he can even pay me (that's the issue with this job), it's sporadic at best. 

    So basically I am homeless, on the verge of losing my 'kids", two dogs and three cats, (one of which has been with me for 21 years!) and no where to go.

    I have been getting messages from other people I know, religious leaders even, offering to try to help me.

    I have been saying for a long time there is no love in the "organization" and I am seeing it at work and it's about the last straw in for me.  Like I said, I'm lifelong, third generation JW, but the way I am being treated is tearing me up!  They always said we would be taking care of each other in the "tribulation" but now I doubt it.  I think they will be killing each other.  And now I'm left wondering if I have wasted the last 45 years of my life with this.

    I know other things that have gone on with the Pyramid, change in 1914 1975 etc.  But Jesus said the greatest commandment of all was love among yourselves.  And I'm not seeing it so I am wondering who is right now.

  • sir82

    Sorry you are going through this.

    Overall, JWs are pretty much like any other group. some are good, some are so-so, and some are pretty close to downright evil.

  • KateWild

    Welcome to the board Kelly,

    You seem to be stuck in a right pickle with nowhere to go. I am really sorry to hear this.

    Yes some JWs have no love and don't care what impact they have on others. Some just look to their own interests and still are in good standing in the congregation. Some of these are even elders.

    I agree with you, there is a lack of love and this helps us wake up to the truth about WT.

    I hope you get your housing situation sorted....take what help you can especially if it's from outside the congregation.

    Take care

    Kate xx 

  • Simon

    Your story doesn't give clear details but it sounds like you handed in your notice at work *before* you had made concrete moving arrangements. That seems like it may have been a little premature and unwise.

    Is it possible there was a communication issue? Maybe someone thought that they were promising you shelter in an emergency, not for you to make arrangements to go live with them.

    If someone's truck is out then their truck is out. It's crappy if they are lying about it but do you know for a fact that they are? Ultimately, the responsibility for you and your stuff is yours and it seems unfair to be judging others for not helping you enough or as you believe they promised.

    People in life often let us down - it's why we learn not to depend too much on other people. It happens with all people, not just JWs although they paint themselves as more dependable so if they aren't it seems like more of a let-down.

  • DesirousOfChange

    There is plenty of love to be had when it is easy to give it and when it isn't costing anyone anything out-of-pocket.  It's easier for most JWs to be friends with others who have money and secure source of income so they are not at risk.  Of course, that love is always conditional to you being a devout JW, and it doesn't sound like you have compromised on your status with them (yet).  But it sounds like your situation is such that you need some time, money, help, moral support from them and that's when the love grows thin. 

    If you have offers of assistance from other sources, do not hesitate to accept it, even if it is from "Babylon the Great".  At least in our area, many charitable agencies and charitable people that desire to help others, operate with the churches as they have confidence that it will be used better than if it goes through the hands of Government.  You do not need to disclose your source of any assistance to any JW.  It's none of their business.  Take care of yourself.

    Good luck,


  • gda

    I'm 3rd gen. I've always seen this and no matter how hard I try to show this to my "in" brothers, they just don't see it.

     I've been in your place and was told to get help from the community. Oh? So... we can take from the community but not give back? I volunteer now to my community for helping me, or donate. They were their for me!!!!

    We have an outlet "Neighbors helping neighbors"

    look around in your community and other churches that have resources.  YOU'LL get ALLOT more help than from any congregation of JW family. what ever that is.

  • Garrett

    I am so sorry that you're going through this :-( 

    I so understand how you feel. Personally, the last straw for me was when elders ignored me when I reached out to them for help when I had severe depression. I too felt the exact same way when all my friends left me. Like doc said, love is easy to give when it's got nothing tied to it, however, it's a different story when one has to put in something to help.

    I suggest you look outside of the hall for help. Can you qualify for governmental help? I remember when I lived in the US, my family would receive help from the government in helping pay for rent, food, etc. Any family willing to help?

    Also, I completely understand how you feel about your "children," I feel the same way about my cats. I wish you the best and hope you get everything sorted. Make sure to keep us in the loop and let us know if you need any help/advice on what you can do :)



  • ToesUp

    I am sorry that you are going through all of those problems. We had a very similar story. Our situation (financial) changed overnight. I can not tell you the whole story because I do not want to reveal too much.

    We were both born in's. We thought that our "Brothers and Sisters" would always be there for us. Not true. While we were going through our situation, only one Elder out of a fairly large Body of Elders had any kind of concern for our family. Nothing!!! We were not asking for money just a little bit of concern or kindness would have been nice.

    We were both raised in kind/loving families. We expected that same kindness and love from our congregation. After all this is what we were taught. We both (husband and wife) are hard workers and would never ask for money when we are both capable people and can work hard. All we were asking for was kindness. It didn't happen and that was the straw that broke the camels back for us. We left due to the lack of love. We always relied upon the scripture @ John 13:35  "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" and we received NOTHING in a difficult time, not even a kind/encouraging word. So in reality we left due to lack of love and hypocrisy.  After all actions speak louder than words.   

    I do not believe you are the only one who is feeling this way. Many are on this website.

    We have learned to rely only on ourselves due to the way we have been treated. We actually have become stronger people and a stronger couple. Our children are both working VERY hard also. I guess we have done something right.

    If someone on the "outside" (I hate the word worldly) offers you some assistance, take it. There is good and bad everywhere and kindness can be shown from some wonderful people outside of this organization.   

    I wish you all the best.

  • gda

    Can you qualify for governmental help?

    do not go to the government!!! that will take months and you need help now!!

    look to your community. start online

  • millie210

    I was raised to expect nothing (harsh worldly unbelieving parent) and give everything (devout Witness parent) so I am more on the giving side and am uncomfortable taking.

    What I do know from observation is that there are a lot of animal lovers among witnesses - even though they try to be quiet about it for the most part.

    Do you know the animal lovers in your Hall? They will help you keep your animals. Either by taking them in temporarily OR by knowing the resources in your community that can help.

    Or, call the place where animal control is in your area - dont know what it is called where you are. They have names of emergency foster homes to keep animals out of the system.

    Once your animals are cared for - you will be more likely to find a place to stay.

    Sometimes an older person would be willing to let you have just  a bedroom if you pay by the day. Or you could trade services to them....cook, clean, chop wood, lawn care, gutter cleaning etc.

    As a last resort are there homeless shelters in your area? They will also be more likely to take you if the animals are cared for and not an issue.

    I have been in a similar place to where you are when I was younger and no, the Witnesses didnt help me.

    Thats ok though, because it made me much more resourceful and strong on my own.

    You will make it through this Kelley.  Let us know how you are, ok?

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