Personal Hardships and Personal Responsibility

by Eyebrow2 20 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Eyebrow2

  Hey there.....I was thinking about this after reading through a few earlier threads discussing about the hurricane (this is NOT a thread about that by the way) which lead to people bring up personal hardships. etc.

  I too have had my share, but there is ALWAYS some one that has had a rougher time than I have. As a JW, I found that many of the hardships that occured to me as an adult was sometimes the result of poor decisions that I had made...but didn't realize that until after having a breakdown, and getting out of the KH (please note: I don't blame the breakdown on being a JW...just so you know). My husband and I have had some difficulties in our married life together, some from poor planning, and some from just dumb luck.

  But...to finally got to the point of my posting: why do so many people spend so much time blaming others for their crappy life and not do something to improve it? (Hey, I am sure I have been guilty of this is some posts I have made too)

  Again, we are all in different circumstances, but I do believe even people that are in the worst possible situations can do something to better themselves in someway, even if it is shifting their attitude from a overly negative one to a more balanced one. Why do I believe this? Because I have known people that were poor, or severly ill, or had some other bad situation, but they didn't feel sorry for themselves. They tried everything they could to better themselves, but they did ask for help when needed.

  Can I list Billygoat as an example here? She has had quite a few ups and downs in her life. She does share them with us here, but I have not ONCE ever seen her post something that was begging for pity, or making excuses. She is one of the balanced posters that can ask for support without WHINING about it. Cruzanheart is another one that I admire for that too...

  I for one am very tired of people that make being a victim (whether real or imagined) their WHOLE LIFE. I am not referring specifically to the online world, or this board, but people in general. I work as a recruiter, and I cannot tell you how many people I talk to that are out of work but won't take responsibility for finding a new job. Then I talk to the people that have been in a job for years, and lose their job, and have to start all over again. Some of them get pissed and say woah is me.....many of these are people that are in an industry where they didn't bother to try to keep current in new skills (programming is a good example of this). But then there are the people that did what they could do to catch up new skills, or those that didn't have the means to do so, but say to me...wow...I had a great run...but I need to reinvent myself, and I am willing to do this, and that to do so.

  So here is my message to all of those having personal hardships: I feel for you, I hope it gets better soon, but please don't forget that you do actually have some power over your own life. Take control of WHAT YOU CAN.

  What do you peeps think about this? Be blunt if you must, but please be nice.

  On that note...I better throw in another load of laundry...cuz I really HAVE been slacking on my housework. bad mommy...BAD!!!
• 

  Eyebrow2

  No one?
• 

  Es

  hi eyebrow,

  I think the state of mind is a big factor in what your saying. For those who have suffered depression or are suffering depression, its just that little bit harder to do thigns to fix your life. I suffered depression badly last year and i could tell you what i should have done to fix it and yet i just couldnt fix it, it was too hard.

  I do agree with what your saying tho that there are people who would rather sit there and bitch bout there life than do something bout it i have many friends like that....but i know some of them suffer depression so i understand why they dont.

  If that makes any sense

  es
• 

  Eyebrow2

  Es, Absolutely...that is true I don't deny it. But I think there are a lot of people that even use depression as an excuse IN SOME CASES. I was being treated for depression when I had my breakdown..and I recognize that I was lucky because it wasn't as severe as some people have it. I am not saying that everyone is capable of pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, but I think more are able to than are not. It is just too easy to blame others for their problems, and expect others to solve their problems. Here is another point: how about the people that constantly complain about their lot in life, ask someone for advice, get good advice, and simply are too lazy to follow it but continue to bitch about their situation? I have seen that on this board and real life too. Any one watch six feet under? In an episode a few weeks ago Brenda was bitching (again) to her supervisor about her husband and their marital issues. The supervisor said to her Please shut the F up. You complain to me about this all the time...if you want the dynamics of your relationship to change, then you have to change. I think that is good advice for many situations one has in life.
• 

  JW83

  That's exactly what I was going to say! Depression is a vicious cycle.

  Also, there is always someone somewhere, theoretically, worse off than you at all times. But they're not YOU or your loved ones! I think honesty is refreshing.
• 

  ballistic

  Well, I agree with proactive action to better oneself and the power of positive thinking. In the four years I've been a member of this board, I have dieted and lost nearly a third of my body weight, joined a gym, gone from drinking every night to one or two nights a week, started dating again after years of feeling to scared if I'm honest, and I even gave up smoking for a year and a half (although I am smoking again now), not to mention career improvements and so on.

  Having said that, I am aware that everyone deals with things in their own way and at their own pace. Some people feel trapped by their situation or stuck in a downward spiral of depression. Everyones brains are different. Some people can pick themselves up quickly and shake themselves off; other people need to hit rock bottom and loose everything before they realise what life is all about. At the end of the day, no two people are the same, we've all had different life experiences which shape and mold us and, who can predict how even the most seemingly successful people on this board would react under a certain set of circumstances.
• 

  Eyebrow2

  Ballistic...good for you! see...that is an area I have to show more responsibility in. I can give you plenty of excuses for not going to the gym and eating better.....LOADS of them...but they are just excuses, so I am not gonna do it hahah.

  And i don't dispute that different people will do things at a different pace. That is something I have to constantly remind myself in dealing with my kids. But as adults, if someone isn't going to even try to do something to improve their lot, do they really have the right to constantly complain about it?
• 

  JW83

  Sometimes people whinge because they haven't yet found the right answer. I'm going through a phase at the moment where I have major decisions to make & talk about it constantly. All my friends give me different answers but I keep talking & asking because I figure that eventually, if I have a million different options put in front of me, one of those options will solidify into the right one!

  Or even just for support ...
• 

  Eyebrow2

  yeah...okay...but how one does it is a big part of being responsible.

  Talking through things with someone to try to figure things out is great. That is part of taking responsibility for your life. But, is that all you do with your friend? do you also offer support as well, or is 100% of the time you spend with your friend spent with you bitching about your lot in life? Somehow I doubt it. And if you are given some good advice as to what YOU can do, will you attempt it? You probably would right?

  You may not suceed, but you are putting in an effort, and that is acting in a responsible manner.
• 

  Es

  Im a bit like you JW83 i talk to many many people when i have a problem just so i can get a variety of opinions eventutally i come up with something either someone has suggested or i think of it myself.

  I need to know if im making a bit deal out of nothing and theres no better way to do that then talk to people.

  es