We know where Jehovah's Witnesses get the rules for disfellowshipping, Matthew 18:15-18, from Jesus. However, take a look at what He really said:
NWT:
Matt 18:15 "Moreover, if your brother commits a sin, go lay bare his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two more, in order that at the mouth of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. 17 If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector
First see the sinner yourself,
Second, take along a couple of people,
Third, speak to the CONGREGATION. Not one or two elders, but the CONGREGATION.
In trying to make this an elder issue, the Watchtower of 10/15/99 says,
Final Effort to Gain HimA
16
If step two fails to settle the matter, congregation overseers are definitely involved in the third step. "If he does not listen to [the one or two], speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector." What does this entail? 17 We do not understand it as a directive to bring up the sin or wrong at a regular or special meeting of the whole congregation. We can determine the appropriate procedure from God’s Word. See what was to be done in ancient Israel in a case of rebellion, gluttony, and drunkenness: "In case a man happens to have a son who is stubborn and rebellious, he not listening to the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and they have corrected him but he will not listen to them, his father and his mother must also take hold of him and bring him out to the older men of his city and to the gate of his place, and they must say to the older men of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he is not listening to our voice, being a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of his city must pelt him with stones."—Deuteronomy 21:18-21. 18 The man’s sins were not heard and judged by the whole nation nor by all of his own tribe. Rather, the recognized "older men" dealt with it as representatives of the congregation. (Compare Deuteronomy 19:16, 17 about a case handled by ‘the priests and the judges who were acting in those days.’) Similarly today, when it is necessary to take the third step, the elders, who represent the congregation, handle the matter. Their goal is the same, to gain the Christian brother if at all possible. They reflect this by showing fairness, not prejudging the case or being partial.NWT:
Deut 21:18"In case a man happens to have a son who is stubborn and rebellious, he not listening to the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and they have corrected him but he will not listen to them, 19 his father and his mother must also take hold of him and bring him out to the older men of his city and to the gate of his place, 20 and they must say to the older men of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he is not listening to our voice, being a glutton and a drunkard.’ 21 Then all the men of his city must pelt him with stones, and he must die. So you must clear away what is bad from your midst, and all Israel will hear and indeed become afraid
This bible passage indecates no communication between the sinner and the older men (or congregation, as the Watchtower is implying). Their job was to kill him to put fear into the rest of Israel. SO, the sentence was already made BEFORE the visit to the older men. They became the tool of punishment.
SO, ignoring Jesus' words, lets have a look at using the Watchtower principle:
In the 1995 Awake! 6/8 p9-11 is an article on forgiving and forgetting. Here are some highlights.
What, though, if others sin against us in a more serious way, deeply injuring us? In extreme cases, such as incest, rape, and attempted murder, forgiveness may involve a number of issues. This would be particularly true when there is no acknowledgment of the sin, no repentance, and no apology on the part of the offender. (Proverbs 28:13) Jehovah himself does not forgive unrepentant, hardened wrongdoers. (Hebrews 6:4-6; 10:26) When a wound is deep, we may never succeed in completely putting what happened out of mind. However, we can be comforted by the assurance that in the coming new world, "the former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart." (Isaiah 65:17; Revelation 21:4) Whatever we remember then will not cause us the deep hurt or pain that we may now feel.
What, though, if despite your efforts to settle matters, the offender does not admit his wrong and apologize? Can you forgive in the sense of letting go of resentment? Forgiving others does not mean that we condone or minimize what they have done. Resentment is a heavy burden to carry; it can consume our thoughts, robbing us of peace. Waiting for an apology that never comes, we may only get more and more frustrated. In effect, we allow the offending person to control our emotions. Thus, we need to forgive others, or let go of the resentment, not only for their benefit but also for our own so that we may get on with our life.Forgiving others is not always easy. But when there is sincere repentance, we can try to imitate Jehovah’s forgiveness. When he forgives repentant wrongdoers, he lets go of resentment—he wipes the slate clean and forgets in that he will not hold those sins against them in the future. We too can work to let go of resentment when the offender is repentant. There may, however, be instances where we are not even obligated to forgive. No victim of extremes in unjust or cruel treatment should be forced to forgive an unrepentant wrongdoer. (Compare Psalm 139:21, 22.) But in most cases when others sin against us, we can forgive in the sense of letting go of resentment, and we can forget in the sense of not holding the matter against our brother at some future time.
In a followup, the Watchtower wrote in Awake! 96 ,2/8 p30. From Our Readers:
Forgive and Forget Thank you for the excellent article "The Bible’s Viewpoint: Forgive and Forget—How Possible?" (June 8, 1995) I used to wonder if the Bible was demanding something impossible from imperfect people. But now I understand what it means to forgive and forget. The article has contributed to my conviction that God’s commandments are not burdensome.
C. I. C., Nigeria
I just had to write and let you know how much I appreciate the article. As a young child, I was sexually abused by two of my uncles. Later, I was abused and mistreated as a wife. Upon becoming a Christian, I tried to show love and be forgiving. However, I have never been able to say honestly that I forgave these three people who caused me deep pain for many years. I realize now that there are some things that must be left in Jehovah’s hands, and I can get on with my life. Revelation 21:4 assures me that this deep hurt that has affected me will soon be gone.
A. B., United States
I have just finished reading the article, and I have never felt closer to Jehovah God than I do at this very moment. A while ago I was involved in a serious sin for which I sought the help of the congregation elders. Even though I received kind, loving counsel from them, I still felt inhibited in speaking to Jehovah in prayer. This article has given me the clearer understanding that I so desperately needed of how our heavenly Father forgives and forgets. It has enabled me to approach him freely in heartfelt prayer—a privilege that I had foolishly been avoiding. Thanks to Jehovah for giving me my "food at the proper time."—Matthew 24:45.
The burden goes to the person who has been sinned against, and the sinner gets a clear conscience. If the sinner doesn't repent, the the victim has to get on with life, and shut up. The matter is never brought to the attention of the congregation so no one else is aware of the potential danger. The sinner is not disfellowshipped. The police are not involved.
steve