I have an idea. It's a good one, because it follows the same logic and pattern as the JW template (paradigm).
Let's all start a new religion. Everyone on JWD Forum who has been here for at least a month are considered members (i.e. a minimum period of indoctrination before joining). There is a requirement to be "Faithful" but it is not necessary to be "Discreet".
Now, anyone who leaves JWD Forum will be considered "Apostate", because after all, that means you have fallen away from da Troof. It doesn't matter that one guy believes one thing, while another guy believes something different. As a loyal member you have to believe everything without question, even if there appear to be contradictions in the belief system.
All Apostates do not deserve our fellowship or understanding, so we must "Shun" them all. No excuses; no exceptions! And anyone who goes back to the JW Religion is definitely an "Apostate" of the worst kind, so those ones we must especially "Shun". Of course, tt must be da Debil keeping them in bondage, blinding them to da Troof of JWD.
We must be sure to warn the rest of JWD members to beware of those Apostates, for they are in the grips of Satan, and will deceive even the very Elect of us if we are not cautious and ever vigilant.
If you look real carefully at a JWD Apostate, you will notice he/she has a certain look. They have that kind of "devilish stare" in their eyes, and they act real weird- Anyway, they are just not normal, and you can tell right away.........We must avoid them like the plague, at all costs. And, of course, talking with them or associating with them is strictly forbidden. They are evil and rotten to the core, and God will destroy them in the end. Boy, then they'll be sorry! But of course, by then it will be too late.
Now, if any of these Apostates see the error of their ways, we will, of course, welcome them back to JWD. However, they must go thru a period of contrition, and demonstrate that they are sincere by remaining loyal to JWD for a minimum period of six months, but which can easily be much longer.
They must study all of the posts on JWD, but they must never comment on any of them until they have been reinstated. The forum Administrator will announce to everyone when that person has been reinstated. But still, we must all watch that person in case he falls away again. You can never fully trust a reformed Apostate.
I think Simon should be the head of this New Religion, because everyone knows how to play "Simon says". All those in favour, say "Aye!"............And the JWD Forum erupts in unanimous approval!.......That settles it then, Simon is our fearless leader, and now God is on our side, and he will bless us abundantly.
Hmmmmm. Now that we are this New Religion, blessed and inspired by the God of the Whole Universe, we need to get organized. Just one problem. All of our teachings and interpretations are not exactly consistent. Since dis ting contradicts dat ting, then obviously they can't both be right. That means that some of dese tings are "lies" while some of it is da Troof. Well, how are we going to handle that?
I know, let's tell everyone that the parts that turn out to be lies are called "Old Light", but the parts that are true, at least for the time being, we'll call that "New Light" from our One True God, who has revealed this "New Troof" thru our Faithful and Indiscreet Slave Class (FICS). And, of course, as new stuff comes on line, we can just adopt this "New Stuff" by calling it "New Light", and then discard the previous "New Light" into the ever-expanding bin of "Old Light". But that's progress, and God doesn't want to tell us da whole Troof just yet, cuz we couldn't handle it all. We are just "spiritual babes" who can only drink "spiritual milk", and we can't eat "spiritual meat" in due season until we grow up some more spiritually. Ah the wisdom from God!!!
Oh, I forgot to mention, those who are members of JWD Forum at the present time get to be of the "Faithful and Indiscreet Slave Class" (FICS). New ones can be added up to the magical number of 144,000, but then that exclusive Club will be considered "filled". Hmmmm... I wonder if JWD Forum has 144,000 members yet. Oh well, if not, we'll just wait around until we get that many, and then we'll announce that membership is now filled (unless one of us falls away by becoming one of those Apostates). (Anyone want to voluteer to take care of the statistics on this?) Anyway, we all get to go to heaven when we die.
After that, anyone who joins has to be considered one of the "Great Crowd of Other Bleeps" (GCOB), and they are stuck on Planet Earth when they die. Poor sods! Oh well, we of the FISC will take care of the GCOB in the New World when that one comes along. We'll just organize them into labour camps while they spend the next 1000 years restoring the planet and burying all those rotten corpses left over from the destruction of this Wicked Old System of Things.
Now in our Religion, the good news is, we don't have to go out in Field Service. But we do have to report our Time. Every month we have to report to Simon how many hours we spent on JWD, and he is going to keep track on each one of us. He has some very powerful computers, and they remember everything about us in a file on each one of us. Oh, and don't even think about "fudging" on your time, because Simon can audit the time logs on the Internet and can tell if you were being truthful or not.
What we have to do is spend as much time as possible on this JWD Forum. That is a sign of our "Spiritual Maturity". The more hours you spend here, the greater will be your reward in the next life.
We don't have to worry about preaching our Gospel to the whole world because there is not enough time left before the end is going to come, which is in 2010. That's less than 5 years from now, so we simply can't reach everyone in time. However, maybe if someone can think up a good pyramid scheme, I tell 2 people, they each tell 2 more = 4, and they tell 2 more = 16....... and in 5 years we may be able to reach everyone in time. Only problem is, those damn Apostates are going to show up on the Internet and give us a lot of "bad press", which is nothing but a bunch of damn lies that will slow down our progress.
Now, about those damn Apostates. Unfortunately, they have a lot of insider information about JWD Forum. They know exactly which is da Troof, and which are the lies that we promulgate. Then they have the audacity to publish all this on the Internet for the whole world to see! Daayamm! What a nuisance. Now we gotta deal with this problem.
I know, we'll just brand these guys with the word "Apostate". That word conjures up an image of wicked and evil and rebellious person, who is under the power of Satan da Debil, and who hates God who we love. Yep, that's the perfect label. Just say the word, and everyone on JWD will recognize these guys and avoid them like the plague. Who cares if they are telling the truth about us to the rest of the world. They are just Apostates because they have fallen away from da Troof, and that's all there is to it. We know this because the FISC has told us about these Apostates, and Simon has told us that God told him this too, so we gotta beware and ignore and shun these scumbag Apostates. It's for our own good, and our eternal salvation that we must do this.
Isn't it wonderful how Simon and the FISC are watching out for our best spiritual interests and warning us of the dangers to our spirituality and our relationship with God, and to be especially careful to avoid damn Apostates at all costs.
Amen, brothers and sisters!
Rod P.
