by Ellie 25 Replies latest jw friends
Would you all please give me your honest opinions.
If you were in a relationship with someone who through alcohol had let you down badly in the past, how would you feel about them going out a lot?
How much freedom would you give them?
Would you think it reasonable for them to either go out without you once a week, sometimes staying out all night but certainly till very late?
Or having friends round to drink alcohol / smoke weed?
I can tell you honestly, as someone who comes from a family that had alcoholic problems, that it is very hard to overcome. I would be wary of someone who had in the past allowed alcohol to cause them to hurt you. If they return to drinking without control, then it is only a matter of time before they will hurt you again.
If someone says they love you, but hurts you anyway......they do not really love you.
do the same things to him. stay out all night when he does. if he dont want you to bitch then he shouldn't bitch at you for doing it. it will either calm him down quick or you might just have to much fun and leave his ass.
Ellie,
I would recommend meeting other people that struggle with the same issue. How do they handle that type of issue? But do it know that only that person can make the best decision for herself and it's different for every person. Personally, I have boundaries for my relationships that I'm pretty sticky about. And addictions is one of them. It's zero tolerance. Others are not so hardnosed. I have been a member of Al-anon off and on for many years and it's saved my sanity in more ways than one. I've met many women/men that handle it differently than I.
Andi
If you keep that person on a chain, they may quickly come to resent you, eventually going out regardless for what you may think. Some people you have to let destroy themselves in order for them to see the light. With a little luck, or the right balance of tragic circumstances that come up in their lives as a result of thier behaviour, they may come to see where they need to make changes.
To allow that type of energy in your home in order to keep a person in check is not going to help much in the long run, either. Ones home should not be allowed to used for the purpose of recreational drug and or alcohol use or abuse, unless of course your into that type of lifestyle yourself. Your home, I would hope, would actually be a sanctuary, a refuge from activity as such, if it's what's causing you difficulty in your life.
I dont think I can add much to what has already been written Ellie, what you really have to decide is what YOU want.
If this person has let you down in the past and still insists on the course of conduct which caused this initial hurt, it doesnt sound like he or she truly understands what they did wrong in the first place; that speaks volumes!
DB74
You can't change another person. He/she has to want to change because change comes from within. The harder you try to change that person the more they will go in the other direction.
The only control you have is of yourself...so you have to decide what your boundaries are.
Coffee
I personally wouldn't live like that.
That's really sad.
I understand how you feel. I really do.
Continue to do the things that are meaningful to you. It's better to keep your head on than to spite the person...because you'll end up feeling worse. It makes no sense trying to get back at the person.
You do what is best for you. Do the things you like to do and want to accomplish. Don't put yourself in danger. Be alert and try to see if you can talk to the person about getting help. Alcohol damages relationships. There is hope though. God is good.
Listen....IF GOD BRINGS YOU TO IT HE WILL BRING YOU OUT OF IT! Prayers can also help you to keep your peace of mind. People can change. It happens.... a complete turnaround. Pray.
Remember you didn't do anything wrong. If you really want out try not to be too available. Be careful. Go for a holiday somewhere...maybe if you can go by a relative or something. If things get worse talk to the person's closest relatives to keep him away. If not you'd have to take police protection if it gets bad. Take care of yourself love.
Hibiscusfire
