Getting divorced from my husband

by Glofishy 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  diamondblue1974

  legally you may have to provide evidence of adultery..you merely saying you were adulterous is not usually enough...it would have to be backed up by the person you were adulterous with and put in writing..so make sure they are willing to do that..

  Not necessarily...it does depend on where you live but generally if adultery is cited as a cause of action and the respondent admits adultery the court is not obligated to investigate further; there is no requirement for the other third party to admit to it (although it does help). The other third party can simply be known as 'unknown' and no response is needed.

  From a spiritual point of view Tij's point is spot on...if he knows you are not being truthful then surely he cannot remarry in good conscience...or is he just concerned with keeping up appearances to the rest of the congregation? Either way do not lower yourself by admitting adultery if you havent actually committed the act. Perhaps when you have moved on and been with someone else it might be an idea to point out that he now has scriptual grounds for divorce but certainly not before.

  Sorry to hear that things havent worked out.

  DB74
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  gumby

  legally you may have to provide evidence of adultery..you merely saying you were adulterous is not usually enough...it would have to be backed up by the person you were adulterous with and put in writing..so make sure they are willing to do that..

  Actually, a loyal dub wife can suspect her husband is having an affair....such as his car being at her place all night. Her husband can deny it and she can put in writing she is sure he is having sex. In dubland, she can divorce him and remarry, but she must realise the factualness that her husband is an adulterer rest between her and Jehovah.

  A non-witness that isn't associated with the Organisation isn't asked by elders to comply to witness demands/questions in such a case.

  Gumby
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  damselfly

  Glofish, please really think about your decision all the way thru before you "admit" to something that you didn't do. From your post I got the idea that you are not a JW? So why would you be willing to degrade yourself in order to play by their rules and save face for your soon to be ex? A seemingly mutual and calm divorce between two people that have agreed to remain friendly can turn directions in a heartbeat.You need to think about anything that might be used against you in court proceedings. And yes, unfortunately I am speaking from experience here. Be true to yourself always.
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  jula71

  I also have to agree with U/D. Don't degrade yourself, stay strong. And what Lisa says is correct also. A letter or a phone call will suffice. A family member was going through a divorce, almost the same way. And a letter was sent simply saying, "XXXX is scripturally free." That was enough as far as the elders were concerned.

  5. Let's say down the line he manages to get baptized while we are divorced.

  But if he is not baptized, I wouldn't even worry about it at all. Just split up.
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  Balsam

  Don't make it easy for him. Don't give up your personal dignity by claiming your committing adultrey when you haven't. The religion is his problem, don't make it easy on him. He needs these realities to deal with to wake up from the control the organization has over him. JW children who have been raised in the witnesses are very immature. My own two sons are struggling to grow up and accept responsibility. They are years behind and need those hard knocks that will make them think.

  If you want to divorce him then do it, but don't do anything special to soften the blow for him. He needs a reality check. Thus the reason living life is called the school of hard knocks.

  Balsam
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  Cordelia

  obiously as people have said you dont have to put yourself through this altho if you dont admit to adultery he could not remarry, but tik is right if he cares so much about doing it 'right' he is a hypocrite because if he knows u havent done anything then he is kidding god anyway! he doesnt sound very strong spiritually anyway i cant understand why he is so bothered, are his family in the religon?

  when i had a jc and got disfellowshipped i admitted to touching a guy for thirty seconds (yes they go into great detail!) and my elders said we could get a scriptual divorce, but other elders have been shocked at that so guess it depends where you live! its a joke really! so maybe you dont have to say that much!!

  you sound like you still like him, in which case why not just see if you can work things out?

  tho if not and you did get divorced you definately can marry again but you couldnt live together or have sex (with anyone knowing) till you were married again.

  hope that helps
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  wanderlustguy

  He's not baptized, he's considered an inactive publisher

  If he's not baptized...there's no problem...no need to speak to the elders, nothing.

  WLG
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  Dragonlady76

  If he's not baptized...there's no problem...no need to speak to the elders, nothing.

  Don't lower yourself to this, your dignity and self respect is worth more than this.

  Get a divorce on your terms, they are the only ones that should matter, who cares what the congo and elders think? I will clue you in a little something.........they don't give a s**t about you, only the borg.

  Besides, if you divorce then remarry later on before he does you have committed adultery, that would free him to remarry scriptually.

  DL76
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  diamondblue1974

  you sound like you still like him, in which case why not just see if you can work things out?

  I got that impression too Cord'....

  Is there nothing you can do to save the relationship? When its over its over I know but it just seems like theres a little way to go before finality if you get my drift...

  We are not you and certainly do not know what goes on behind closed doors...in either breath though I think its important you sit down and talk over the issues further.

  DB74
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  luna2

  
  So sorry about the divorce decision, glofishy.

  I agree (for what it's worth) with what others have said about not taking blame for something you haven't done and retaining your dignity and self respect.

  My other thought about this is that you have said that he needs to "grow up"...well, this is part of that. It's his decision to associate with JW's and try to live by their myriad of rules. That's his choice as an adult. Tough cookies if he can't get married again. That's life. You make a decision to join a cult, you live with the consequences. You, as his soon to be ex-wife, are not responsible for making things easier for the poor ickle bitty baby. Besides it's a lie right now and that should eat at his conscience, unless he doesn't really care about his relationship with Jehoover and then what in the world is he doing dubbing it in the first place?

  Sorry to be so mean about it, but you aren't his mommy. You still care about the man. That's great. Who knows, maybe you guys can get back together someday...if he ever becomes a mature man. Let him start now.

  Good luck to you!