Barbie For Texans

by Sparkplug 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    Ok, I must fess up, someone sent me this as an E-mail...but there are a lot of Texans on this board and I thought you might enjoy it...

    Gives everyone a clue into Texas girls. (yes it is a joke)

    Mattel recently announced the release of limited edition Barbie Dolls
    for the Dallas market:

    Plano Barbie
    This princess Barbie is only sold at Willowbend Mall. She comes with an
    assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign
    Lapdog named Honey, and a cookie- cutter dream house with a saguaro
    cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift.
    Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.

    Richardson Barbie
    This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan
    and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
    occupation or secondary education. Traffic- jamming cell phone sold
    separately. Can swear in English, Spanish or Chinese. Available at
    Target.

    Oak Cliff Barbie
    This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a
    '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model
    is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash,
    preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
    you are talking about.

    Park Cities Barbie
    This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
    H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country
    club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking
    Nanny. This University Park Barbie hasn't been affordable since the
    early 1980's.

    Mesquite Barbie
    This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
    small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
    shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at Eastfield College. She has a
    six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams,Jr CD set. She can spit over
    5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her
    pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker
    absolutely free. Available at Ross or at special locations in Canton onFirst Mondays.
    Garland Barbie
    This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
    high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
    Beer-Gut Ken out of Mesquite Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble
    includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry
    lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's dream
    doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.

    North Dallas Barbie
    This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print Spandex
    and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the lodge.
    Into crystals. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox. Also cheap.

    Grand Prairie Barbie
    This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
    accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass to UTA. Gangsta Ken and his
    '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the
    addition of the infant.

    Denton Barbie
    This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
    archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white
    socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need
    a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Oak Lawn Barbies and the optional
    Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker free.

    McKinney Barbie
    Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way.
    We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in
    Japanon business. McKinney Barbie aspires to become Plano Barbie. Not
    cheap but still very naive.

    West Dallas Barbie
    This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
    temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This
    is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a
    meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand.
    Green cards are not yet available for West Dallas Barbie or Ken.
    Available at Carnival or Fiesta Stores only.

    Oak Lawn Barbie/Ken
    This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
    adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts. Likes to experiment

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    What?!?! No Las Colinas or Valley Ranch Barbie???

    I'm insulted.

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    Elsewhere. Dallas must be too big to narrow down all personalities. Is it not funny though.

    <- Notice the face I am making! Not sure if it is to cover laughter or crying!

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    How about a drink then.

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    Valley Ranch Barbie? Now what is the difference between the plain ol original plastic Barbie and her?

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    Damn.... That's a good question!

    Oh, I know! Easier access to the airport!

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    LMAO and thanks for the beer! I really need about 10.

    Cheers

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    Ha! Yes, I've seen that one, and I think it's really funny, really un-PC, and really, really true . . .

    Nina

  • horrible life
    horrible life

    The Plano Barbie is right on the money. Going to Plano Saturday, then popping over to Frisco. Will compare.

    Going to SAM MOON CAN'T WAIT. For those that don't know it: The biggest purse, hair stuff, junk jewelry,sterling silver store you will ever find!!! My heart is beating fast just thinking about it.

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    Hey, horrible life, I live in Murphy (Plano School District) which is east of Plano before you get to Wylie! You'll have to join us for one of our apostafests -- they're really fun. My real identity (whisks mask off face) is Nina (or Christina) Scott, formerly of Oak Park (Plano) congregation and Preston Park (Plano) congregation. I know people all over the area, so PM me if you want to gossip. I've been happily "out" (faded) for three years, though, so my gossip isn't really up-to-the-minute -- just to warn you.

    Welcome to the board, by the way!

    Hugs,

    Nina

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