An honest question for women only

by Skimmer 24 Replies latest social relationships

  • Skimmer
    Skimmer

    Recently, I came across the web site

    * http://www.classmates.com

    which is a directory of high school graduates throughout North America with many millions of entries. It is an interesting site to visit for those who grew up in the area and one can easily spend many hours searching through the listings. There are two levels of membership: Basic and Gold. Basic is free and requires the viewer to register prior to scanning the listings. Gold membership is US$29.50 per year and gives one the ability to post commentary on one's own personal page and, most interestingly to me, to be able to send e-mail notes to other members whose e-mail addresses are not otherwise posted. The site is searchable by high school and year; although it is not searchable by college, college classmates can also be located in some cases (if you know the state or city of the high school).

    I am a bachelor in my early forties and it was a long walk down memory lane as I went about looking up names. The lists are different from most on the net as it allows one to search for people by their maiden names, and so I was able to locate a number of women who I dated in college, some of whom I have not seen in over two decades. Most now have their spouse's last name, but not all.

    The question I have for the women readers of this board is this. Do you think that a e-mail note from a long ago male friend would be welcome? I really would like to send a few, but I am hesitant for a few reasons:

    1) For the married ones, it might seem like an intrusion and that's the last thing that I would want for any of my friends from long ago.

    2) Some might wonder why it took me so long to get in touch. (I wonder about this as well.)

    3) Some may have only suspected that I was a fool, but a note at this stage could remove all doubt.

    There is a religious angle here. The one person who I most want to contact is a rather special woman (who has since gotten a new last name) who I dated on and off for three years in college. When I first met her, I was only a few years out of the JW experience and wanted absolutely nothing to do with religion. She was a regular churchgoer in a Protestant college evangelist group. To my great regret, there were times that I ridiculed her beliefs; I myself did not become a Christian until sixteen years after I last saw her. If nothing else, I wanted to write to her and tell her that the little seed she planted in my mind eventually did flower, although it was rather slow growing. Also, I wanted to apologize for my insensitive comments to her on Christianity; she is really sweet and understanding so I think I have a good chance that she would realize I'm being sincere.

    Although this question is addressed to those women on the board who are close to my age, I have a brief comment to the younger women graduating high school or who are in college: Of all the women I've dated in my early days, it is the ones who held out the longest or who I never slept with at all whom I still dream about on occasion. Think about it.

  • Seven
    Seven

    Hi Skimmer,

    For the married ones, it might seem like an intrusion...

    I say go for it. I contacted by email a married male schoolmate who used to be friends with my brother. In the subject
    line I typed: To Mr. AND Mrs. Smith Classof__. I also began the letter
    Hi John and Mary. I asked that he share the letter with his wife. He did and I now communicate regularly with them. I suggest you write to your special woman. I'm sure she'll be glad and surprised to hear from you.

    seven

  • Pierced Angel
    Pierced Angel

    Skimmer,

    I would be flattered as long as you weren't the guy that gave me the creeps all through school. Most women are in marriages that could use a little spark and an innocent email from a man who was thinking of them would make most women's week, or even month.
    Do it, but remember, her husband might read it first, so keep that in mind when writing.

    Good luck,

    Don't you love the internet?, I'm going to check out that site too, sounds interesting.

    Anne

    "Too much of a good thing, is wonderful."

    Mae West

  • Skimmer
    Skimmer

    Hello SevenofNine and Pierced Angel and thank you for your posts.

    It is important to me to get these viewpoints from the feminine perspective so I have better information to do the right thing.

    I'm starting to think that I should try it.

    In a way I'm a little afraid that I might get a reply asking why in blazes that I didn't keep in touch and I have no good answer for that. The truth is that for the most part I did not realize how very special some (a very few) women were until years later after I had more experience with relationships. I could mention this to them (if I go through with it), but would they believe it? I must admit that in the years since the college days I have often compared (silently) women I've been interested in with the few special ones of long ago and that's a big part of why I'm still single.

    Hey, maybe if I am convinced to write, i could attach the URL of this thread as evidence of my deliberations along with the helpful advice posted here.

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    I got an email from an old HS flame not too long ago. It was wonderful! We caught up on old friends and what we were up to in our lives. I think since it had been a good 12 years since we've seen each other, it wasn't really threatening to me. He was single, wasn't creepy, and totally respected the fact that I was involved. I think as long you remember to respect how much time has passed, I think you'd be safe. I say go for it! Good luck!

    Billygoat

  • Skimmer
    Skimmer

    Hello Billygoat and thank you for your comments.

    You write: "... totally respected the fact that I was involved". You've hit the target exactly. From time to time there are reports of a decent relationship being damaged or destroyed by Internet interference from an old acquaintance. This really does happen, as it did to a special friend of mine last year. She had only been married a couple of months when a guy from her past (the father of her three year old who had dumped her back when she was expecting) started up an e-mail correspondence with a goal in mind but (in my opinion) not an honorable one. The result was that she split up with her husband and hooked up with the interloper who in turn dumped her again a few months later. Sad news all around, as you might suppose.

    So it is with extra caution that I consider contacting some of my women friends from long ago. If they are married, I will assume that they do what I would do if I were married, and that its to share everything with the spouse. I think that's the best way to handle things respectfully.

  • stephenw20
    stephenw20

    Skimmer

    no I am not a lady but this might help.....

    I contacted a girl who I was INTERESTED in then and she has been married for almost twenty years to another classmate. She was pleased to hear from me and even apologized for in her opinion being rude way back then. We exchanged emails and pics...

    One other point, if they did not want any intrusion they would not have joined Clasmmates in the first place. And if they really want no intrusion they wont answer.

    I say be yourself... live on the edge....... and say HI

    Just my 2ยข
    s

  • Skimmer
    Skimmer

    Hello stephenw20 and thank you for your reply.

    I've decided that I might want to try e-mailing a couple of notes, so I sent in my check (that's "cheque" for the native speakers of the most screwed up language on the planet) and am patiently waiting for my Gold membership account activation.

    I've been tracking the membership counts at the site for the past couple of weeks and they seems to have a fairly high growth rate. They claim twenty two million registrants and it looks like they're growing at about one percent every four or five days. The downside is that their servers are a little slow.

  • waiting
    waiting

    Hey Skimmer,

    3) Some may have only suspected that I was a fool, but a note at this stage could remove all doubt

    "Fools walk in where angels fear to tread......"

    Most women love a sentimental fool, in the past or present.

    waiting

  • Skimmer
    Skimmer

    Hello waiting and thank you for your observation.

    I just gave it a try and e-mailed to an old friend of mine who sill has her original last name.

    I plead guilty to being a sentimental fool. The women who know me best are already aware of that and that's okay with me. I figure if I can bring a smile to someone's face or make them laugh then I've done something good for the day.

    Some of my much more recent friends are also interested in the classmates web site and have registered but are not quite yet willing to spend the US$29.50 for the privilege of sending "hi note" e-mails. So I will use my membership as a introductory proxy of sorts for them so that they may get their e-mail addressees out to their friends.

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