I'm feeling it again. It's one of those days I guess.
Yesterday, my aunt called and we talked about my mom's visit. (I haven't seen her in about 8? years or talked to her) Then she came into town to see me and my sisters and acted like nothing had happened.
I'm starting to feel some anger creeping in and sadness. I'm mad at how she treated my sisters (and me), I feel like they really need a mom and she just isn't there for them. My oldest sister is mentally ill and is in desperate need of help. No one can seem to get through to her except for my mom. She even went to the hospital with my mom to be checked (something she never would normally do because of her fear of doctors). I talked to my mom about her and her drug abuse, depression, etc, and she said, "She has made her own decisions and this is the life she has chosen. If only she stayed in Jehovah's organization then she wouldn't have fallen prey to satan's tricks." I said, " Mom...... she is mentally ill! She has made bad decisions in her life because she has mental problems. Mental illness and drug abuse go hand-in-hand. She cannot be held accountable for her actions when she has an illness that makes her act crazy, abusive, violent, overly sexual, and emotional. She needs help."
She needs someone to help her so much!!!! I feel empty because I want to help her but I can't and still maintain my family. Also, I might be putting my own safety in jeopardy. I don't know what to do.....I feel like someone's going to find her dead from an overdose. And my mom acts like she is getting everything she deserves because she isn't going to the kh. There is no way she could sit anywhere in public, let alone at a judgemental kh!! She looks homeless now and her black makeup is smeared all around her eyes, I don't know when the last time she had a bath was. She needs to be institutionalized and my mom is in la-la land acting like all of her problems would be solved if only she went to the kh to get rid of the demons inside of her!!!!!!
I don't like my mother. I don't care for the person that she is and the beliefs that she stands for. Her entire religion looks at a person and if that person is not doing everything they think a good person should do, then they discard that person like trash. How can parents dump there children because they are not doing exactly what they want them to do? Aren't we all individuals with free choice? Didn't our parents know that when they decided to have children? Did they look at there baby and say, "You will only be my child if you do what I say or think the way I want you to think." ? Would a mentally ill or disabled child not be loved anymore because they didn't follow the strict guidlines that a publishing company insisted god wanted them to follow?
Love....................I read another thread about how there were two things god commanded for us to do. 1.Love god 2. Love each other. And all the other rules can be dismissed because those are the only two rules that you should go by now.
Not that I believe in the bible, but if that is where the jw's are getting their rules from then how come they have added so many other rules. Like the pharisses(?) . Before my mom left to go back to Florida she said was mentioning all of the bad things that are happening in this world. Yet when I pointed out that all of those things she mentioned are happening in the wt organization she just said, " Well.....I don't think anyone's normal anymore. We all have our faults because we are imperfect." I wondered why she could only give forgiveness to other people that are as judgemental as she is. It's ok to point the finger at someone else, I guess?! My uncle said, "When you point a finger at someone else, you have three fingers pointing back at you."
It's too bad that this book that men wrote so long ago is causing so much unhappiness. Also, I thought it was funny that my mom started putting down the scientologist because their religion was just made up in the 80's (so she said). So I said to her, "Ya, but people have always been making up there own religion, like even 100 years ago it was happening." LOL
Hey... thanks for letting me vent! I feel better now.