Eagerness To Shun Bound To Fade

Englishman

My own parents gave up shunning me after I was disfellowshipped. They kept it up for about 3 years and then just sort of gradually folded.

Here in WSM, most of the witnesses who remember me can't be arsed with the shunning thang any more. Even the devout witness lady who works in Marks & Sparks enjoys the occasional little giggle with me across the deli counter.

When my best pal was DF'd, my shunning of him lasted just over a year before I started to speak to him once more in defiance of the WT ban. The relief that I felt was indescribable when we first resumed talking. It gave me a real warm glow inside.

See, I think that shunning someone is a really un-natural thing to impose on someone. It goes against all of our instincts if that person hasn't personally hurt us. I just don't think it's possible for a normal person to keep it up for ever if it involves a relative or close friend. I'd be surprised if many can keep it up for more than a few years.

Englishman.

Gordy

Well my JW wife and 2 JW daughters have shunned me now for 4 years. No contacted whatsoever has been made in those four years directly by them. If my wife needs to let me know something it is done through one of our non-JW children. I have been told that my wife has even stood practically next to me while I've been out shopping in the town centre, but she has never let on she was there. We will have been married 31 years next month.

fifi

Glad to hear that things are softening up for you E-Man. In my case it seeme to be the opposite that's happening.Since my two older siblings have found their ways back to "the truth" my parents just don't seem to have time for the rest of us...even the DF'd and non-JW ones. They were quite happy to have me around when my son was born, but he's not as interesting now he's nearly 10. And of course they have my siblings children, so no need to bother with other Grandkids. They're always at each other's houses to the point where you feel as if you brought a bad smell in. This is what my DF'd brother told me anyway, as I practically have to meke an appointment to see them.

PaulJ

That sounds really rough Gordy. I guess im lucky in some respects cos i live i a different part of the country now to where my dad and brother live, and different to where i DA'd myself.

diamondblue1974

Eman, definately agree with your point here...whilst everybody's experiences are different I do agree its unnatural to shun anyone who hasnt hurt you personally and if you think about it, it serves little purpose. You are right many people do not agree with it secretly and generally will talk to whom they wish.

I wouldnt go back whether I was shunned or not so it makes no odds whether I am or I am not so on this basis it makes a mockery of their justification for their policy; how would it keep the congregation clean from defilement if I am not there? Their shunning me isnt going to make any difference and isnt going to make me go back all of a sudden so why do they insist on persuing with a useless and futile act?

Its clear they are not trying to rehabilitate the individual (as they would be more proactive about it) nor are they seeking to keep the congregation clean as such...because my recently started shunning started long after I left the congregation and ceased going to meetings.

Point: It makes no sense and the majority of the R&F know that it makes no sense.

DB74

ezekiel3

I believe there is a critical mass to be found in the ratio of JWs to DF/DAed. Right now the number of DFed is growing quite rapidly.

What would happen if there were the same amount of people in and out of the org? IMO that would mean an incredible strain on the JW pysche. At that point the practice of shunning will weaken, only causing the balance to favor the DFed as more leave the org.

Then at some point, with only a hard-core remnant of JWs left, the shunning would crystalize again. At this point JWs would only be a curiousity, with only limited biological growth. A old-timer's cult.

It the practice of DFing that could make this happen.

kls

Gordy ,i am so sorry and the hurt you feel must be deep.

Crumpet

Glad your parents relaxed Englishman. Gordy I feel for you.

My situation is that I haven't seen any family, not been near any of my flesh and blood for 8 years - except one brief meeting with my father to collect some things my grandmother left me when she died. They didnt want me to come to the funeral although they did leave the decision to me.

I am working on a slow thaw though beginning with some tentative text messages to draw them out and I sent my father a 20 page letter on fathers day last weekend. However I fully expect never to see my mum or dad or sisters ever again. And I still find myself following women on buses or trains or on foot because I've convinced myself that they could be my mum, until finally they turn round and it isn't her. I see my one of my sisters features in one of the little girls who plays on the street and frighten the poor little girl when I forget that I am staring. Its pathetic really. And I've chosen a boyfriend who is as like my dad as is possible - right down to tiny details like chest hair and stubborness! I don't think I'll ever stop trying to find my mum, dad and sisters wherever I go - its just something I can't help doing.

Englishman

There is a downside to all this though. Their eagerness to shun only fades as you lose interest in contacting them. I'd met and married Her Ladyship within a year of being DF'd, and consequently took little interest in people who were going to withold affection from me, my parents included. At that point my mother actually asked me just who was DF-ing who!

Englishman.

Scully

Shunning stops working the instant the target of shunning ceases to care about it. People who shun derive their power from being the ones who actively and consciously shun and believing that the target of shunning actually gives a damn that they're being shunned.

The funniest thing that ever happened to me was being in a supermarket checkout line and noticed that a JW was in the next line over. When our glances met, she made a point of turning her head away and putting her nose in the air to make her point that she was shunning me. I laughed out loud and told Mr Scully to look at how stupid she was making herself appear. He started laughing too. Sister Head Up Her Arse was defeated, humiliated, visibly embarrassed and more hostile than a cat in a burlap sack. She quickly paid for her things and left. We had taken her power away by pointing out just how ridiculous she was being and laughing at her stupidity.

It was one of the best lessons I ever had in diffusing the power trip that shunning has on those who practice it.

Eagerness To Shun Bound To Fade

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