I would like to say a huge thank you to you guys who have written such wise and heartfelt council, I am very very grateful to all of you, I asked for advice and you gave me it. This forum is an incredible place, what I read here reminds me of just why I was already so miserable as a JW, long before they put me through the mangle.
Although the kingom halls had a few kind and decent people attending, as all gatherings of individuals do, most of the time I was witnessing insincerity, I was hearing one thing which sounded great and had such appeal but I was seeing the opposite, I was hearing how we should love and respect each other but seeing such hypocrisy, those who were "taking the lead" were damaging the spirit of genuine christians day by day and then blaming the damaged individual for the hurt he or she was feeling.
In this forum we seem to have a great deal of REAL people, people who DO care for others whom they have never met, who want the best for others and hurt with them when they hurt, in other words REAL CHRISTIANS. Christ did teach love, understanding, forgiveness, I do not think for one moment he would act like the selfish, domineering elders of todays JW congregations, this organisation condems all others as being like the pharisees, like white washed graves, nowhere have i seen such dead mens bones in such huge numbers than in the congregations of Jehovahs witnesses.
Believe me even writing this still sends a shiver down my spine, such is the indoctrination of this organisation, after being taught there way from a boy of 4 to a man of 40 day after day, attending meeting after meeting, assembly after assembly, bible study after bible study it is very hard to write with such frankness. Some reading these words may even feel I am being hostile towards this organisation, I am, they robbed me of my childhood, filled me with empty promises, used my youthful energies, convinced me any other way of life would lead to destruction, that I would never see my father who died when I was 4 if I did not stick to "The Truth".
Then they smashed me to pieces when i needed there love and guidance the most, when I was drowning in despair.
This morning I called and spoke to my doctor, he could see my anquish and to his credit has moved matters very quickly for me, I am to see a specialist this Wednesday, he pulled out all the stops, I thank you people here for helping me to see clearly why I needed to do this. I cannot remember your nick at the moment, was it evilways, or something like that, especially you for your frank and direct comments which others could see the importance of.
I hope as I have said to others who have written e-mails to me that I will be in a position to share my joys with you in the future, same as I had burdened you with my despair, it will be a difficult road, I am sure of that, but at this time I am very very grateful to all you genuine friends who have been so encouraging.
Take care all of you.
