On Friday I let you guys know that my final JC was happening on sunday. THANKS so much for all the comments and well wishes. I was nervous before I went - and though I've given up the faith I haven't given up my belief in God and his direction.
Two of the three elders have seen me grow up - I was born in the truth. A bit about me, I can get emotional, not in the hystirical way, but I have a soft-ish kinda heart and have deep empathy and feel deep emotion. So in previous JC cases I'd cry and I'd give them ground and say sorry, I'll give it another go. I was afraid that they were going to wear me down.
I did nothing strange or bizaar - I let them speak, I let them put God & the organisation on par. They said I'm an apostate - they said I was turning my back on the organisation & God.The times I did speak I said that I didn't fall under their law, or the organisations law, but answered to a spiritual law,I actually have got to know this Jehovah we spoke so much about but didn't know. . That the 14 men or however many there were didn't know what was best for ME!!!!! I said I couldn't stay at a place that was "feeding" correct spiritual food.
Many times I just smiled at them. They did try to get me to say I didn't want to be a JW but I never did - i just kept saying I couldn't come a place that I couldn't trust.
As I turned and walked away from the kingdom hall for the very final time - a voice inside said "remember Lots' wife - keep on walking - don't look back" Each step felt like forever yet at the same time I knew it was over.
When I got out of the gates - I cried - not a lot - just a few tears, got into the car, said to my "it's finished"
They will phone me on Thursday just to let me know that they announced. I kept my dignity, I stood firm, and let them know that it's worth even my family to get away from them. For that I cannot be sorry.