no one to talk to

jeeves

i guess this is my introductory post.

like many of you, i was raised as a witness.
like many of you, i'm no longer associated with them.

it still hangs over me like a plague. it's really annoying. i haven't been to a meeting in 4 years, i'm "out of the closet" - my parents know i'm no longer interested, my oldest brother won't talk to me... etc

what do i do to get further away? i no longer own any jw publications. i am not in touch with any jw's except my parents, i am comfortable in my stand against their beliefs

however, i find myself talking about it. i need to talk about it. i need to say "hey this is how my life was growing up, isn't that effed up?" i'm thinking of going to therapy, just for someone to talk to, but therapy i think may make me feel broken.

i think i am broken though. i don't really have that many good friends - i'm slowly making new friends but it's certainly bizarre to have friendships that are 5 years old or less. since i was dropped by all my "friends" when i said i didn't want the jw life anymore, i find that i have dropped potential friends for stupid reasons. being raised to believe it's okay to drop the people you love/like because of their beliefs makes it easy to drop friends for petty petty reasons.

i feel like i'm always running away from it... that jw identity. if i mention something about my religious family, people understand. but if they ask what religion, and i answer "jehovah's witness" then suddenly i'm a scarey freaky science experiment to them. they ask about the beliefs and i barely remember - i hate answering because i feel like i'm preaching. i hate answering cause i feel broken.

but i want to talk about it. it eats me up inside! always following me like a shadow. i'm paranoid too, speaking of shadows... i've realized recently that since i left the jw's i've become VERY cynical. it's okay and good to be aware of your surroundings, not to believe everything you hear, but i've found that i automatically assume people DON'T like me. why is that?

i'm a nice person, i've always been a nice person, i'm finally admitting out loud that maybe leaving the jw's scarred me a tad, and i've got some work to do to get myself back...

EvilForce

WELCOME!!

Rebuilding a "family" of friends takes time and work. Especially when you don't live in an area for very long or go to school. Your feelings are very common. I identified with a few of them. It's hard to not be cynical after being a Dub. EVERYONE you know as a Dub is just waiting to expose you and treat you like trash. So you assume everyone is that way and won't trust anyone.

It's easier to dismiss everyone and not believe one whit of what they say. But is that a good way to live? I think not. Lots of ex-Dubs still fight this. Are you going to make any true friends this way? No. Being a friend is being there when the chips are down. When you get hurt by a friend you are still there. You don't "mark" them and never speak to them again. You forgive, you forget, and you build the friendship on studier ground.

tetrapod.sapien

welcome to the board jeeves!!

you will find that this board is an awesome place to talk with people who know exactly what you are going through. it really can be part of your healing process.

what do i do to get further away?

i my case, education is really what is helping me "get away" from the cult psychology of mind control. also, one of the things that has really helped me is challenging the existence of god. going to a default position, allows me to concentrate on more than just how the JWs are screwed up. i don't know if i will always be in the theistic default position, but i am finding it an excellent neutral place to re-evaluate the world and humanity from.

best wishes in your journey of healing,

TS

LyinEyes

Welcome to the board, it will not take long to find friend here, and even thou we are not friends , who can see each other often, we truly are friends. Not just cyber friends. I talk to many on the phone, yahoo messanger , have met many in person, and some have lived with me or visit.

It just takes time to build up a new network of friends, but it is so worth the effort because for once in my life I have friends I can tell everything to,,,,,,,not hiding behind a JW indentity .

Without my friends here , leaving the JW's would have probably been so much harder. My friends here have brought me happiness and filled the void when I left my "brothers' and "sisters" behind because I disassociated myself.

I hear that there may be a chat room here on this board to be started up again, hopefully soon, and that really helped me when I first came here. You can really make great friends in real time chat. Until then , just keep posting and replying and you will find people you can really identify with and that have similar interest.

Good luck on your journey out of the JW's , it is not easy , but worth it .

Sunspot

Hello and welcome Jeeves!

I know exactly what you're talking about-and going through. Almost everyone here does too.

The issues you bring up are common ones and you should find lots of company here. I used to feel bad after I left the WTS, that had NO friends except for those online. I didn't feel bad that this was the case---but the fact that I had been reduced to this after 30 loyal JW years!

I still cherish the many people who pulled me out of my messed up life with the aftermath of DAing myself and the love and support I felt. There are SO MANY wonderful exJWs here.

This board is a tremendous outlet for ones like you and you can vent, cry or complain whenever you want or need to. That's what its here for and what we're all about.

hugs,

Annie

jeeves

thanks everyone!

ha - i feel better already. i found this site in december and signed up right away, but wasn't ready to post. today i did another "purge" of my stuff - getting rid of things i had when i was a witness (long skirts, lol!) and cleansing out the pictures of childhood friends i will never see again. afterwards i came to post on this board...

i've had plenty of internet friends and it's about time i made a few in the ex/recovering-jw genre.

perusing the board i have already learned so much about the way i have dealt with friendships in the past, and the way i feel about myself. ahhhhhh.

DanTheMan

Jeeves, welcome, you're in the right place!

I too have struggled, and in truth am still struggling, to create a post-JW life for myself.

tijkmo

you sound a bit like me (and lots of others) when i arrived here

broken dissillusioned bewildered and bereft of any ideas as to how to change that

but here is a great place to start and talking will help

so welcome

katiekitten

Welcome Jeeves,

Ive only been here a week myself, but I have found people who truly understand me for the first time. Theres nothing like speaking to people who have been through some of what you have been through - you dont have to explain any new words or concepts to them, they have already lived and breathed the same types of experiences you have.

Its so refreshing. I hope you find what you need here.

AuntieJane

Welcome Jeeves. Sounds to me like you are taking a big step toward recovery! Cleaning out is a good process. I am not and never was a JW but have family and did have friends who were. I have learned so much here. I am sure you will, as well. I would encourage you to not shy away from therapy if you are considering it...that would be another big leap that you should not regret.

Take care of your fine self,

AuntieJ

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