Cathy,
First of all, you said that you were never baptized. Well, that’s the first strike against you. You associated with them long enough to know that they care nothing about non-baptized persons who don’t want to be one of them. And since you also don’t go to the meetings anymore, that is strike two. To them, you are just another worldly person who was given a chance to gain life and you turned away from it. Since your ex and his new wife chose to be one of them, they will be forgiven their sins, no matter how dastardly, and be accepted as one of them. Your third strike was that you divorced him instead of letting him divorce you. If you had allowed that to happen then maybe it would have been more obvious how deceitful he is. Maybe!
Your experience was truly horrendous! I personally knew of a situation very similar to yours. A brother had deliberately committed adultery with a non-JW in order to get out of his marriage to another JW. He knew that he would be disfellowshipped but within a year of being out, he could be reinstated. He planned to divorce his wife while he was outside of the organization and then be reinstated as a single brother. He could then pursue the person that he then wanted to marry who, incidentally, was someone that I was at that time studying with. I learned of their scheme during the course of the study but was helpless to do anything about it other than speak to the elders about the situation. Incidentally, this individual was also the person that this brother had committed adultery with. She eventually progressed to baptism and became a sister. Would you believe it, but the brother had told her that he would not marry her unless she became a witness, and so she did! Now what kind of witness do you think she has made beginning a so-called relationship with Jehovah on the basis of treachery? Anyhow, they married, but to show that the elders knew that everything was not okay, they were not allowed to marry in the Kingdom Hall although they were both witnesses.
I say treachery because this is exactly what you experienced. According to Jesus’ words at Mark 7:20-22, this type of reasoning originates in the heart. He said: “Further, he said: That which issues forth out of a man is what defiles a man; for from the inside, out of the HEART of men, injurious reasonings issue forth: fornications, thieveries, murders, adulteries, covetings, acts of wickedness, deceit, loose conduct, an envious eye, blasphemy, haughtiness, unreasonableness.” Verse 23 says: “All these wicked things issue forth from within and defile a man.” In other words, Jesus is here describing a WICKED HEART. Anyone planning adultery and divorce with a view toward remarriage to another has a wicked heart. He certainly did scheme to get you to divorce him. It really makes you wonder if those elders have ever read the above scripture.
Your ex-husband obviously claimed to be repentant but what did he do to show this repentance? Since the elders cannot read hearts, how do they know if a person is repentant of his wicked acts? They don’t. Many times they reinstate persons without ever determining if they have a change of heart. A person saying that he is repentant means nothing without actions to go along with his words. In the case of your ex-husband, the only action that he could have taken would have been to return to the ‘wife of his youth.’ Was he willing to do this? If not, then he proved that he has a wicked heart. At this stage he cannot possibly be pleasing to Jehovah no matter how many his works may be. He is, in reality, living in an adulterous relationship. Many JWs believe that simply because the elders have forgiven them, it automatically means that Jehovah has. Nothing could be farther from the truth! Jehovah is a reader of hearts and He certainly recognizes a wicked heart.
Maybe you got the best deal. You don’t have to depend upon a person who has proven that he is wicked. And the members in the congregation that they attend are now in the position of associating with the wicked. These two certainly fit the description of ‘bad association.’
bjc