It happened one year ago today. June 4, 2004. They say these things take time and that recovery gets easier as time goes on, and I suppose that's true. But then again, some things leave a hole in your heart that will never go away. This is one of those things. Are your folks still alive? If they are, and if you're reading this, stop right now and give them a call and tell them you love them. You might not have the chance tomorrow, and that's the truth. Mom was only 70 which, by today's standard, is not that old. Especially since she had been a Witness her whole life and didn't smoke or have any other debilitating habits. She just got sick one day and the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her and she died a couple of weeks later. One year ago today.
My whole family for the most part are witnesses----------2nd and 3rd generation. My Mom and Dad were baptized around 1950 and we were the model witness family. Kingdom interests first, all the way. I was the first to notice that something was really wrong and to start asking questions and looking for answers. This was in the late 80's. It was a long struggle, but I finally figured out what a racket the WTBS is. Thank God for Ray Franz and the Internet. I then shared the knowledge with my younger brother and it didn't take him nearly as long as it took me to figure it out. Then he started talking to our Mom and Dad. They didn't want to accept it, they fought real hard, but they're intelligent people and they finally had to come to the realization that the "Truth" was anything but truth. This was in 2002.
My brother and I both firmly believe, in retrospect, that this is what killed our mother. She was a very spiritual person, more so than anyone else in the family, I think. She had spent her entire life serving Jehovah God and wanting to do his will, and through good times and bad, she stayed the course. And then at age 68, she found out that she had been lied to. Screwed in the ass, to be blunt. It was real hard for her to accept. Oh, at first it was shocking and exciting to learn all this. But soon reality began to set in, and she realized that she had spent her entire life slaving as an unpaid employee for a book publishing company. She realized that she had been controlled and manipulated, and she realized how she had been cheated out of her life. She got extremely depressed and never recovered from it. A few weeks before she died, she approached my Dad and told him that was thinking about going back to meetings. My youngest brother is still an elder and still very faithful, and he had been trying to coax her into coming back. She told my Dad that she knew it wasn't the Truth, but she needed to go back for the social outlet. She found out that when you quit going to meetings, you lose every friend and relationship you've ever had. Even her own sister rejected her as unwholesome association. So she wanted to go back back. However, my Dad threw such a fit that she decided that she wouldn't. A couple of weeks later, she got sick and the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. A couple of weeks after that, she was dead.
My Dad, of course, is consumed with guilt----------------------he'd give anything if he would've encouraged her to go back. I don't think it would've made any difference-------------------she had already lost purpose and direction in life, and going back to meetings wouldn't've changed that. My brother talk and I about it a lot, and we both agree that if we could do it over again, we would never in any way whatsoever even hint that the FDS and the Society are anything other than what they claim to be. Ecclesiastes says that there's a time for everything: "A time to be silent and a time to speak." The problem is, is knowing which is which------------------sometimes you just don't know when to shut up. But if we could, we would let her go right on thinking that she was serving God and humanity and let her be happy thinking it.
Winston Churchill once remarked that : "... truth is so precious that it should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies." I say that the truth is sometimes so precious that it shouldn't be revealed to someone who is only going to be devastated to learn it.
We love you, Mom, and we miss you.
David