Need Help!!!

by TadSexington 7 Replies latest social family

  • TadSexington
    TadSexington

    I need help..... Rather, my grandmother needs help....

    Okay... Back story first....

    I was (past tense emphasized) in the truth from the age of 4 until about 12 or so, when my parents divorced and my mother moved us halfway across country, and we eventually just stopped going to the meeting and practicing.... I'm not even going to get into how going from being a congregational poster boy (giving talks at since the age of 8, and all ways being the one out in service, having all the other parents say, "look at little brother 'Sexington,' why cant you be more like him?) Would screw a kid up..... I'm almost 22 and haven't had a birthday party, and I'm still nervous about blood transfusions, and don't get me started about Christmas.......

    I'm Babbling on..... Long short, most of my dad's side of the family is still the truth (except for him, which is kind of funny now that I think about it, seeing as he was the most gung ho one of us, being the ministerial servant, jockeying for elder status, forcing yours truly to make and deliver talks, and to kill every Saturday and National Holiday of my youth out in field service.)

    Jeez venting is nice..... but I'm going to try to stay on subject from here on out.... So, I'm in the midwest, and my dad's family is on the west coast, and about a month ago i get a call from my grandmother. Apparently, my aunt found out that she still smokes. Now I thought everyone knew that she still smoked, because her house all ways smelled lilke air freshened smoke..... Well it turns out that it was one of those things, that the family decided to ignore if there was no actual "evidence" of it.... So my aunt actually caught her smoking, and She turned her in to the elders. I mean, I could see if it were someone else from the congregation found out and said something and told, but her own daughter!! Never that, right?

    So my grandmother is just about crying on the phone telling me this, because she's afraid that she's going to be disfellowshipped for this. I was thinking that maybe they'd just repremand her for it or something, considering that she's been faithful to the "truth" for longer that I've been alive, I mean, she's got health problems and such, so she can't go to the hall as much as she'd like, but she attended all the meetings by telephone, and was religous (no pun intended) about it. I also figured, if she did get df'ed for it, at least she'd still have family to talk to, or at least that was my "Former Unbaptized Publiser" way of seeing how things worked..... I was wrong....

    She calls me back a few weeks later or so and says that the elders decided to boot her. I told her that everything was going to be okay, and asked her if she was going to try and get back in (not bothering to mention the ridiculousness of a religion kicking you out for something like smoking.) She said that she'd try. I told her that she'd have to stop smoking, and that if that was the only reason she was gonna stop, she probably shouldn't. Don't get me wrong here, I'm the most anti-smoking person I know., but, as I told her, she needed to do it for herself, and her health, not anyone else. She said she'd think about it.

    She also told me that, my aunt, the snitch wouldn't even talk to her anymore, neither would any of the witness members of her family, which was everyone except one of my cousins, who was in the truth, but just got out ot prison. He echoed my sentiments when he told her, "No matter what, you're still my grandma, you've all ways been here for me, and not governing body is going to tell me that I can't talk to my grandma." (Word!)

    So this is where the problem comes in. She's got one local grandson to talk to, and one 1500 miles away (that would be me) and, because of the wonderful, "BAD ASSOCIATIONS SPOIL USEFUL HABITS" She's got noone else to talk to. Because of this, she's become depressed, there have talks about uprooting and moving somewhere else, (not a good idea with the health issues) and worse yet, thoughts of suicide....... So, what do I do...... no "religion" is worth this....

    -Tad

  • kls
    kls

    First off welcome and no religion is worth anything the jws do but they are not a religion but a cult with its followers doing what they are programed to do and one is to tattle and the satisfaction they get from it. First thing i would try to do is have her see what the wt really is and how corrupt it is . Crisis of Conscience is by Ray Franz and shows a eyeopening accout of the real workings of the wt. She needs to see how the wt destroys familys and why your aunt was forced in her own wt mind to go to the elders which she is commanded to.

    Hopefully when your grandmother sees the real truth and her eyes are opened she will not have guilt for being human.

  • ivy
    ivy

    Welcome to the board TadSexington! Your post is another example of how messed up a family can get in this religion.

    I know that the distance is making you feel like you can't be there for your grandmother. I understand. A long distance friend of mine recently had a break down. I found out that there was a lot I could do to give her support. I emailed, AND snail mailed every single day. I told her funny stories and sent her pictures to make her smile. (For instance I used the computer to put her face on a person sitting in an Italian cafe). The point was that she had a daily reminder that someone was there for her.

    In my case I was also able to take one week off to visit her. It let me get a real look at how the situation was; was she maintaining herself, fuctioning? Did I need to find professional help?

    I'm sure others here will also have great advice. Again, welcome, and let us know how it goes.

  • delilah
    delilah

    Welcome Tad!!! I think Ivy hit it right on....you need to keep in constant contact with your Gran...Daily...making sure she has some kind of association..Does she have friends who are not JW's??? Maybe they can look in on her, get her out doing things....and certainly your relatives that aren't JW's can rally around her too. This religion has divided many families, my own included, but without family, we've got nothing.....no religion will EVER make me stop associating with my family....good luck and best wishes Tad....keep us posted....perhaps Gran would like to come aboard and get the encouragement she needs?????

    Dee

  • Sassy
    Sassy

    Welcome Tad!

    This is so sad. Unfortunately typical of the 'conditional love of JWs' but sooooo sad. I feel so badly for her. Many of us here have lost family due to this cult, but the idea of a woman who has loved her family all these years to lose them now I am sure is devastating.

    Is there a way any of us could send our love? Or maybe you could print out this thread and mail it to her?

    but seriously, if you would like any of us to mail her cards or something,let us know. I hate to have her feel so alone.

  • Sunspot
    Sunspot

    Hi Tad, and welcome.

    What a shame to put her through such a thing at her age especially!!!!! What a miserable and crappy, insensitive bunch of dictators the WTS is!

    Please do keep in contact with her.......this could really hit deeper than you can imagine. Losing your friends and family is tough at any age, but the fact that she's older.......makes it even worse somehow.

    Send her little cards of encouragement and those of things that she likes (animals, birds, etc) it will mean a lot to her.

    I'm glad that she has you----and that you can be there for her, even if just emotionally and for support--long distance!

    hugs,

    Annie

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    Hi & welcome.

    I was (past tense emphasized) in the truth

    Actually, you were "in the lie" before, and now you know the truth.

    Of course I have very limited knowledge of the situation, but is it such a bad idea for her to move? Being booted from the org (or even voluntarily leaving) is devastating for many. I think it's a great idea to move away and start fresh. Her rapport with her family will never be the same unless they all leave the org too. Reinstatement will not erase the scarlet letter.

    Having thoughts of suicide--that should be taken seriously and requires immediate action. Get her a therapist. If she can't get one, tell her to go to her general practitioner and tell him/her about the depression.

  • love2Bworldly
    love2Bworldly

    Welcome to the board. I agree with Rebel8 that moving may be a fresh start, for one thing so she doesn't run into people who will shun her. And that she should be treated for depression right away. Maybe she could move into a retirement type of place where they have planned social activities or something? She needs to meet new friends, which is difficult at any age. Keep us posted.

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