I have a dilemma (did I spell dilemma correctly?): I am the only person I know, of any of my former Witness associates, who left because I started doubting/stopped believing the teachings. I did research on the Internet, read books, talked to people from different religions, etc. On top of that, I'd always had unresolved doubts about certain JW teachings (144,000, 1914, paradise, and why God permits suffering), so I had more than enough reason to not be an active Witness anymore. However, a few other Witness girls that I know who are inactive or disfellowshipped, are out for "morality" reasons. The problem is not that I look down on them; it's the other way around. Although they see us as being in the same "inactive" boat, and they want to "hang out" with me, they still talk and act with that guilt complex- of someone who still believes. I don't feel I have the freedom to express how I feel, or why I left, because they still regard it as "apostacy". It's really frustrating! My question is do any of you know people like this? I sincerely don't want to "influence" them if they're happy with their beliefs, yet at the same time, I wish they could open their eyes and see that the Organization is just another religion, not the only way to happy. And how can I truly be a friend with someone who might just turn around and go right back, then cut me off??? Thanks in advance for any posts. littletree (real name, Donna)
the reasons why we leave makes a difference...
by littletree 26 Replies latest jw friends
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Joyzabel
walk-away-believers is what I call them.
Just like JW's you can't change their mind. They have to be willing to see the WT for what it is.
If you don't want to lose their friendship, don't let it slip what you have found out. But if you don't care and want to quit looking over your shoulder, then drop subtle hints about the wrong dogma, dates, etc.
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Charisma
I understand how you feel. There are many 'out' for reasons other than doubting. So many of them will still hold on to their beliefs and inside even think eventually they will go back. I have a friend who has been inactive for 25 yrs. She has always felt guilty for not going, but never got up the effort to get back there. Well when I finally realized it wasn't the 'truth' I tried to talk to her. I thought I would help rid her of the guilt. She wasn't going to meetings any way, so why not enjoy life w/o it. But I upset her. It is like she still wants that 'hope'.. So I have pretty much shut up. But when I go see her, I have been clear with her, I dont' want to go to meetings. (That was the one time she would go, when I would come to visit in the past)
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Charisma
Actually I wanted to add after I read Joy's comment that when I personally left, I was just fed up with the WTS, so although I fully expected to die for leaving, I chose to quit. But I still believed. A friend of mine who was dfd (whom I had never stopped contact with personally) did lay subltle hints in our conversations.. very minor, but over time she got me to think. Eventually my eyes were really opened. But her cracking open the door to free thinking is a large reason who I finally 'saw'
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talesin
We have similar 'leaving' stories, only mine was a long time ago. I was 18, raised in it, and got disillusioned with the lies/hypocracy.
There's one friend I grew up with, he feels the way your friends do, and life has been hard for him. We don't see each other often because of that. His life is one big drama after another, instability, drinking, crime, etc. Well, it's true that believing in JWs is a good way to make yourself crazy ... it's sad.
Best for me not to hang out too much with folks who believe I am bad! ;)
Why not try to diversify your friendship base? Make some new ones, and you may find yourself less dependent on your JW friends. It never hurts to have more friends, and is a good thing anyhow. After all, you want to be honest with them, and if you have others in your life, it may be easier to take that leap and tell them how you really feel.
Remember, you are supposed to be free now that you have left the KH, of your own choice.
ps.
(did I spell dilemma correctly?):
lol, don't encourage the Spelling Police!
and, no. hehehe
xo
tal
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logansrun
Sometimes I wish I left for "morality" reasons.
I would tell them to take a walk in a public place -- for me it was the zoo -- and ask them to picture, really picture, all these people being destroyed by God. Ask them to invision (sp?) giant buildings crashing down on that young couple with a baby in a stroller -- the young childs brains splattering out all over the pavement simply because they are not Jehovah's Witnesses. (Sorry if this is graphic, but it's necessary). Ask them to think of 9-11 happening on a WORLDWIDE scale -- all caused by a "just" God who wants to destroy people for painting Easter eggs and for practicing masturbation.
That can't be God.
Of course, these girls might not be as emotionally ready for this. And they may not have the brains to reason about the religion logically. Oh well. If they just want to have gobs of sex and still believe in some retarded belief system there really is nothing more you can do. If you were a "good little JW" you may want to pay attention to them, though...since you might learn some important lessons, if you know what I mean.
B.
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hartstrings
I left for similar reasons as you. Personally, I can't imagine choosing to hang out with anyone who still believes in the propaganda (mates don't count, LOL). Life is way too short to waste one more day feeling guilty or deprived.
What do you like to do for fun? Join a club or group that shares your interests and start experiencing true friendship.
Best wishes!
HS
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love2Bworldly
Sounds like you may lose your friends eventually if they go back to the BS society. You should make new friends in case you lose the old ones because you may get tired of being friends with them on their terms.
When I left the BS society (my new acronym for WBTS), I was so unhappy that I didn't care if I got killed at the big A. Now I'm so happy that I didn't waste any more of my life on them, now that I have found out the real truth about them. I do miss my best friend during my teenage years, and wish her family would get out of the BS society.
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sweet tee
Hey loves2B - like that new acronym
I left the borg for morality reasons myself, even though I had doubts too. I was just tired of slaving for the BS'ers in Crooklyn and decided to jump off of the treadmill - come what may.
Now that I've been enlightened I could never go back and I don't want to hear any of that BS anymore.
You should help your friends open their eyes and see the light so they can live without fear. What else are friend's for? Meanwhile, widen your circle (ugh ... that sounded too much like 'reach out' )
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littletree
Thank you all for your comments. And thanks (logansrun, talesin, and hartstrings) for all the good advice. It's better now that I have made a few non-Witness friends. The other thing I'm afraid of is that by associating with inactive Witnesses, it still ties me to that Organization and will give the elders a reason to come after me. One guy who was like a brother to me (he's an active JW) e-mailed me to tell me he missed me and wished that I'd "come back to Jehovah". Well, I responded- as tactfully as possible- that I had no intention of coming back since I was perfectly happy, and that I'm still a good person. Then he went right back and tells my old friends that I "sound like an apostate"! What a dirty thing to do. How dare he pretend to care, only to do something so unloving. Anyway, I know that I shouldn't care about what JWs think of me, but it's still fresh so it hurts. Stuff like that makes me see even more why JWs aren't nicer than my new "wordly" friends. Trying to creat a whole new friendship base, after your Witness ones are ripped away is pretty dificult. My coworkers, and forum, have been a great help (I lurk more than I post because my computer at home is down). And my boyfriend (who is nicer and nobler than ANY man in that whole JW bunch) has been the greatest source of support of all. Thanks everyone.