Thanks folks, I'll talk about it more tomorrow. I realy appreciate it. Short version is I lost someone I really cared for, but I couldn't give her what she needs from someone. I wanted to do it but just wasn't there. I'm not even sure how to explain what it is, but I guess a start would be I would have to "get over" my feeling about the org and just forget about this need I feel to talk with you guys and one day meet some of you.
It's more than that, but that's a start, I'm nowhere near a place in my life where I can live happily ever after just yet...and don't know if I ever will be.
Thanks again for being there.