A relationship with God or the organization ?

by vitty 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  tetrapod.sapien

  well written!

  i felt that i had a relationship with God more than the org. i always thought that if the org was destroyed, or proved a false prophet, that somehow i would still have my relationship with god. not so!

  So after 20 years as an adult that I spent in, it litrually took a few hours to come out.

  Ive asked myself how and why did this happen? And so quickly.

  i have wondered this exact thing as well. how could it take me years to build up my faith, but as soon as i broke the cult tactic of having no "outside" information by going online, my faith was almost immediately destroyed (in lifespan terms)!! i really think that the answer lies in the definition of "faith". belief without evidence. evidence speaks louder than any ignorant professions of faith! IMHO. this is why it was able to crumble so fast for me.
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  greendawn

  LHG, Russell who started this org was by no means an angel but it was Rutherford with his demonic personality and angel(demon)chanelling that turned it into the monstrosity that we know, within 10 years 1916-1926 he centralised all power in his hands destroying all congregations that resisted him. The autonomy and individuality present under Russell was crashed and he introduced a host of spirit poisoning doctrines including the other sheep non sense.
  
  When I was a JW I couldn't make any suggestions on how to improve things in this org because I was not annointed, but as far as I know neither could those who were annointed if they said anything they would be marked/expelled, everything was in the hands of the Brooklyn clique, who in 1980 kicked out a lot of people from Bethel for wanting to study the bible without using WTS publications.
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  zulukai

  Great post Terry! Does anyone out there recall a story some years back..(maybe an urban legend. maybe it was true) about a bunch of Japanese soldiers who walked out of the jungle somewhere in the south Pacific thinking that World War 2 was still going on....Even if its not true it perfectly illustrates us when we come out of the mental darkness of the WTBTS. Those guys I remember reading were sneaking around in the bushes on patrol looking for the enemy, avoiding contact with everone and everything and imagine their surprise to finally come out into the light of day and find out that while they were on guard against the enemy for all those years they had been living a lie!!! And on someone elses faulty understanding and arbitrary orders! We all have been through an experience just like this.Living behind a wall, socially isolated and stunted. Afraid of the BIG BAD WORLD. Then we realise the people we called our real family were nothing of the kind. We now realise that we had seen the enemy and he was us! The only cure for what was done to us is to get deeply in- volved with something we like to do: go to school, take a course , dabble in the arts, join a club. Ive found that other people have their stories too; there are plenty of psychotic families and religions out there, plenty of mixed up people from all walks of life trying to repair the damage from something or other, not just us. Everywhere you look in the world today there is someone who could benefit from your unique experience in surviving spiritual abuse. I found I could help myself by helping others. It might work for you too, Just reading the postings on this web site has given me a lot of comfort...I know Im not alone and others have had the same experiences and this has given me a new perspective on the whole sorry mess! Hanging in there too, Z
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  vitty

  What great replies!

  Terry you always seem to put thing so clearly thanks. Zulukai welcome and your post is so true

  Im in a strange situation where I was brought up in the truth till i was 9 by my mother who had a very warped idea about God. Then she fell away. I came back in the org when I was 24, so did most of my family, and spent my adult years trying to have a relationship with this scary, cruel God who would punish or kill you without a moment hesitation. I have realized it was always the org that was my god not the creator, if there is one.

  Im on a long journey, I know he would forgive me, but I dont know if I want to. Im tired, sick of trying

  I dont know if I want eternal life, in heaven or earth, am I sinning against the spirit now?

  I just want to get on with things without having to analys everything

  I want peace, is there such a thing. Its early days I know, ive believed this crap for nearly 45 years will it take another 45 years, that I havent got, to make me free?

  Who knows, but I know this last year has been the best and the hardest in my life thanks
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  LongHairGal

  Greendawn:

  Thanks for enlightening me about their early days. I don't remember if I read this anywhere and just forgot.

  The thing that always got me was how we were expected to just accept if somebody said they were annointed. This and many other things they said could never be proven. For example, when they would say they were the fulfillment of a prophecy. But yet I am supposed to just believe it because somebody said so?!
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  heathen

  I always did have a problem with the concept that obedience to the organization was all that was required by God becuase, after all, they were the FDS and the bible gives them the authority to lead the masses . They certainly did try all they could , including intimidation to put me under whatever voodoo spell they like to keep the memebers under. I feel more confident now than ever before of the inadequacies of the WTBTS and the straw man arguments it poses in their publications and their integrity . I am so glad that the web offers environment for discussing these things , I have reevaluated my own beliefs and still believe in God but that religion is corrupt , I mean jeeze people , how many times can the world end invisibly even ? Rather than admit their error the WTBTS will continue it's erroneous misleading logic to the detriment of it's members , You got problems in your life ? well the solution is sell more magazines ...................... Give me a friggen break .
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  MegaDude

  When I was in the "truth" I truly believed in God, I prayed and tried to do what was right ( WT style) Then when I started reading stuff and the experiences on here it didnt take very long before I knew the "truth" wasnt true after all.

  Your above experience illustrates what happened to me. I prayed to serve God with my whole mind and heart and soul, and really started being the best JW I could be. In a few years I was out for good.

  In highsight you could say my prayer was answered--LOL--if you believe in God. I thought I would be led to some higher service in the Watchtower and in due time I left on my own accord. It did leave me quite confused and baffled as I always thought the Watchtower was the one true church. Second, when you first realize the Watchtower's claim to truth is a lie, you feel like you've been badly taken advantage of. Even more so if you lose dear friends, family or a spouse in your Watchtower exit. Who is to blame for this disaster? Was I just gullible and am I to blame for being so trusting? If there is a God did he basically screw me over and let me waste my time in this fake religion or did he wake me up to see it as it truly was when I was ready? If the Watchtower isn't true, does that prove belief in God is a wishful fantasy?

  These are questions you'll have to answer for yourself. I do believe that letting the Watchtower experience be your only experience with spirituality is akin to letting a rape be your only experience with sex. To be more specific, I mean former members who shut the door completely on the possibility of God existing without doing any more study or thinking or experimenting. The saddest former JWs are the ones that leave the Watchtower but never do any more reading and still believe it's the truth. They know they don't want to go back, and they don't, but they must carry a heavy burden of guilt for not returning to what they still believe is God's one true organization.

  I figured I owed it to myself to at least learn as much as I could about religion and spirituality so I could make sense of my experience. I visited a number of churches, have gotten to know the people so that I knew the lay of the land there. I've learned quite a lot about the history of the major religions in the world, science and the Bible, philosophy, the agnostic point of view, the atheist point of view. I still am learning much.

  I also decided that if I was being fair and unbiased I would pray for a while and see where that took me. Just pray. If there was a God then it was up to him to make a connection. I needed some personal evidence there was something worth putting faith in. Over time I've had enough coincidences that lead me to know I've connected. That's been my experience.
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  by grace

  I think I developed a relationship with God, a truly solid one, while I was a jw because of all the bible reading. Trouble was, my relationship also included the wts, so, I think a transition period is being felt now with the removal of the wts from my relationship with God.

  Now, it's a much better, much more real relationship, because I can be the real me and God does not include the wts, so he is more real now too. No more lies or pretending. So, I'd say my relationship has changed for the better. I'd have to say that Jehovah himself pulled me out of that b0rg (i just love that-so applicable!), so I see it as an answer to my many many sincere prayers to help me and lead me. I can feel a difference, not only spiritually and emotionally, but even physically. The REAL "truth" really is refreshing and it is a light load.
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  heathen

  I know exactly what megadude is talking about becuase I'm related to one of those types that seems for some reason so convinced that the WTBTS has the truth but has made all sorts of excuses why he can't be a j-dub . I even lived feeling that way for awhile but now I can see all the flaws in their reasoning and the manipulation involved . I believe they still make sense on some stuff but don't have a clue on alot of other things . The whole you gotta sell magazines to be saved crap is a complete sham . What you have is impoverished people raising money for a billion dollar corporation and they don't even get to eat once a year at the memorial because of some made up stupid crap that makes no sense whatsoever . They are experts at using peer pressure and manipulation to coerce members into paying for properties and raising money and wasting their life away in squallor . They even fabricate days for the conclusion of the system to keep members interest piqued . Just glad I saw it for what it is and it's taken me a long time but without the web don't know if ever .