Everyone deserves a funeral....surely!!!!

by Gill 22 Replies latest social family

  • Gill

    Hi All,

    I haven't posted much recently on the site but wanted to tell you about something bad that has happened.

    Some of you will remember me posting about my husbands very elderly grandfather. We wanted to take him in to live with us when he was diagnosed with mild dementia but my husbands parents insisted that he go into a care home and conned him into signing an EPA. There reason for not allowing this lovely old man to live out his days with us was that their responsibility was to consider his 'spiritual needs' and since we no longer went to meetings we could never look after him ...so they stuck him, against his will, into the home. I'm sorry to say we're seriously piss poor and used all our savings with solicitors trying to save him from this situation but we finally ran out of cash.

    He fell in the home and broke his hip. He had hip replacement surgery. Infection set in in the home. He went back to hospital where he was so badly neglected that he developed gangrenous bed sores. He gave up eating. He was in such desperated pain with gangrene that he was on morphine and finally died weighing 3 stones 12 pounds.

    Now, on ringing the inlaws the news is, 'we're not bothering with a funeral, we'll have a memorial service in a few months'.

    Tomorrow, Grandpa's body will be taken, in the cheapest coffin available, in an undertakers ambulance van to the crematorium. With no one other than the undertakers present, he will be cremated and his ashes scattered. Hubby is trying desperately to find out the details so that he can at least be there.

    I'd like to also say, that this man, left such a large estate that solicitors will take months to sort it. He was no pauper.

    Now tell me, who the hell is not spiritual.

    I've cried most of the evening, to think what he suffered and what final indignity awaits him.

    Don't anyone tell me what wonderful people Jehovah's Witnesses are!

  • Xandria


    It is very hard when someone dies, let alone to deal with the B.S. of people who seem not to have a clue!

    I hope you find a special way of closure/send off, if not as a whole, but then for yourselves.


  • jeanniebeanz

    Oh, Gill... (((((((((((((Gill)))))))))))))

    It is unbelievably cruel for them to treat your grandfather with such disrespect and you with such arrogance. I'm so sorry to hear this. It is, however, pretty typical for the witnesses. They do not know how to love.


  • Gill

    Hi Jeanniebeanz, Xandria, to be honest their being JW's is a large part of the problem, I believe. The thought that, 'she's only died, she's better off not suffering...never mind she'll be back soon in the resurrection' allows people who in their own nature are naturally callous, to dispose of their father like so much garbage left out in the street.

    Funerals, are a sign of respect and esteem that someone is held in. Allowing an undertaker to dispose of the body on their own with no ceremony or family to say their goodbyes is not far of like disposing of your dog when it dies.

    But they had no love or respect for him when he was alive, and his money was all they wanted and they intend to save every last penny that they can for themselves.

    Their excuse, 'he wouldn't have wanted a fuss' is so much rubbish. He loved being centre of attention, wearing the smartest closthes, looking good and they were jealous of his wealth. We had no idea that he was as wealthy as he was and now we see how much they really despised him.

    We're just so sickened, but have decided even if we have to stand at the back door of the crematorium we will all be there today to say goodbye to him the best way we can.

  • Lehaa

    ((((((( Gill )))))))

    So sorry to hear of your pain.

    I hope you can find out where it is all happening so you can be there for him.

    Sending you a big hug.


  • Gill

    Thanks Lehaa, I've just never ever heard of anyone doing something like this before especially where paying for a funeral is no problem. It's totally heartless and the memorial service at the KH is afterall just a running advert for the WTBTS and there is no way that we're going to go and listen to that rubbish. I've been to too many JW funeral/memorial talks at KHs and there is virtually NO mention of the deceased. The ritual and ceremony of a funeral is far more fitting..........So maybe we get to start a new ritual, that of standing at the back door of crematoriums making sure someone doesn't take their last journey totally on their own.

  • IT Support
    IT Support


    So sorry.

    If he had any amount of money at all, your husband's parents were probably more worried than anything else that you might have influenced his grandfather into changing his will.

    They probably got him to divide everything between themselves and WT.

  • iggy_the_fish

    You're damn right they deserve a funeral, and so do the friends and family of the departed. God, they're so important for everyone involved, events of huge psychological significance. I've had mostly positive experiences of funerals, if you see what I mean (i.e. sorry for the loss but glad for the life). You must feel robbed.

    Boo to them.


  • delilah

    Hi Gill. I work in a nursing home, where both my grandma and grandpa are living. My uncle put them both in, about 2 years ago. Grandma got real sick and we almost lost her, and grandpa has alzheimer's and because my uncle's new wife (his 3rd) wanted nothing more to do with looking after them, into the home they went. This, after my uncle weasled his way into my grandparents home under the guise of looking after them. To make a long and sordid story, short, he and his wife, spent most of my grandparents money, running up the bills in the house, for which my uncle's sister was responsible for, (the house was willed to her as she is not married, but my uncle weasled his name on the deed as well)and soon after my grandparents went into the home, they sold the house, and my uncle made out like a bandit. My aunt, his sister, paid all the utilities and paid off the new car(that my uncle's wife took upon herself to purchasing for grandma) and is left with nothing. My grandparents own property up in Northern Ontario, they've had for over 60 years, and my uncle has been frothing at the bit to weasle it out of his 5 siblings. His wife keeps saying that the family doesn't want my uncle to receive his inheritance. THERE IS NO INHERITANCE!!!! My uncle has spent it all, over the past two years, and all his life, my grandmother haspaid his way. He is useless, as is his wife, they met on the internet, she is from Vegas, of all places!!!!She has 2 ex-husbands in prison for abusing her, and suddenly, the past year, my uncle has been hospitalized, near death.....I've told her that if dies, I will have her charged with something, as I do not trust her at all. Needless to say, she has nothing to do with me, because I don't put up with her bull.When my grandparents pass, they are to be cremated, and now I think I'd like to be present too, as I think someone should be around.....that's just my thought. I love my grandparents with all my heart, and I don't want a dime.....and my aunts and uncle call themselves JW's...makes me absolutely ill.Sadly, my grandma knew she made a huge mistake, when she put my uncle and his sister in charge of her health. He's also after getting a hold on Grandpa's war veteran account, which Grandma still has control over. He tried to have her deemed incompetent to get his hands on it, but my mom and I put a roadblock up...ha ha ha . After all my grandparents have done for the little ungrateful brat, this is how he treats them. My grandma is heartbroken........


  • BluesBrother

    Your'e darn right that everybody deserves a funeral.. I recall reading somewhere that a mark of a civilised society was its propensity to show respect for the dead What does that say about these people?This line got to me.

    'we're not bothering with a funeral, we'll have a memorial service in a few months'.

    Not bothering?? How can they say that? There might be reasons to not do it - but one is certainly not that they cannot be bothered

    Have a memorial in a few months? when everybody has forgotten it? Come on!...Hypocrites ...For what it is worth , I think that a lot of dubs would agree with our assessment ...Sorry Gill.

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