well prom was last saturday. i had fun with my date. but she likes someone else now. and im lonely as ever. schools almost over. i dont want to be single over the summer. i cant wait for college already.
i hate feeling lonely
just relax. We'll get through this together.
tsunami, you sound pretty young. I'm in my 50's but I remember those days partly because even now I can feel lonely. No matter what our age, circumstances come along that mean we will be enjoying our own company for awhile. Even married people need quiet moments alone. Take this as an opportunity to get to know yourself better, meet new people. Even married people have friends other than their husband or wife.
Take a class, exercise, learn a new skill, language. Try cooking, or new cuisine.
Everything comes and goes in waves. Now you're single, lonely, depressed. Next month you're taken, social, and happy. It's forever changing.
Relationships are some of the lonliest of human dealings, at times. Having a girlfriend will not cure that situation. It may feel as if you want someone in your life, however, if you give yourself a chance, over time, you'll see, even in relationships, you will find yourself wanting, even begging at times that you could be alone. You're just learning to feel what it's like being an adult, trust me, time will dictate to you a change in your perspective, once you get attached to someone. You'll see, trust me you'll see.
Well I have been where you are at. If I may pass on one thing without sounding like a parent :)
I always thought that there was some sort of fix on the outside I could do to not feel loney, and be happy. I thought once I got to college. Once I got out of college. Once I had a stable relationship. Once I could pay off my student debt and make $ 100K a year. The list goes on and on. When I turned 30 I realized I was no more closer to being happy than I was at 17. I knew something had to change. I had to find happiness and fulfillment from within.
Ok, enough soapboxing....
I had to find happiness and fulfillment from within.
How did you find it, EF? Or is it something you can't put into words?
I started the long & sometimes painful.... ok alot of times painful....process of looking at myself and within myself. I realized all those years of never feeling good enough was what fueled my ambition..... So and So said this couldn't be done... "I'll show you". So it drove me to excel at school. I paid for college while working my way thru. I started a practice afterward..... I accomplished at 30 what most people haven't done by 60. On my 31st birthday I still realized I didn't like myself. Accomplished more than I ever dreamed I could. Had traveled the globe. All for what??? I was unhappy.
I had bought into all the marketing b.s. Money, job, status, blah, blah. I realized my life wasn't a competition with anyone. WTF DID I WANT WITH MY LIFE?
So I picked up some buddhism and taoism stuff along my travels in Asia. I spent 2 1/2 years alone, with no relationships so I could find what I wanted not what I thought someone wanted of me. And focused on finding me. I know that sounds so 1970's. I was always a title. A batized Jo Ho. A pre-med major. A doctor. Blah,,, blah. I picked what I did because I wanted to be challenged. I wanted to prove I could do it. Who to? I don't know, me, my parents, the world. Maybe once, they could look past the Jo Ho stuff and see what I could do. Ahnnnnn, wrong answer... still can't see past it.
It helped that my relationship of 7+ years was in the middle of flaming out. I was so busy with my life, with work, with travel to this conference, that institute, etc... I couldn't see my own life partner struggling. After he left I realized I was living in an art gallery not a home. So I sold it and moved across the country to start anew.
I made some missteps along the way. But I decided to live life on my terms. When I told my new partners I would always be taking 6 weeks of vacation a year come hell or high water they looked at me like a retard on Skittles. I had always wanted to learn how to learn glassblowing. So I found a place that did that and learned. I loved it! Still do! Silly & stupid yes... but I like it. Had always wanted to learn to surf... never had the time. BS, I found the time.
My partners realized I was a better doctor for taking the time off....and you know what...life goes on without me. That's a SCARY thing sometimes. We all like to think we are indespensible. But humilty is realizing your place in the universe. The toughest thing I learned was the ability to say "NO". I had pushed myself so hard for so long only to be striving for the next level. I hated living like that. I wanted to enjoy the here and now.
So when my mind wanders from time to time it's more like...hmmm, that course of action might be interesting...hmm, maybe not. I had a choice to live widely or deeply. We as humans cannot do both. Choose one or the other. I lived widely for sooo long.... I've chose to spend trying to enjoy deepening my living now.
Not sure if that makes sense or not. But that's how I feel :)
i told her how i felt a minute ago. i feel so much better. i told her, he wasnt for you because i like you..but if you really like him then i got your back on this as a friend. she said she really likes him and thats cool we're friends, and i said, then i got your back on this.
Friendships and relationships takes rocky and twisting roads sometimes. But as opposed to JW's you are there thru thick and thin :P