Who has lost a mate as a direct result of leaving WTS?

by ljwtiamb 16 Replies latest jw experiences

  • ljwtiamb

    How many of your mates married or otherwise chose to stay with the WT than with you?

    Who has been kicked to the curb when they spoke against the borg?

  • Quotes

    Count me.

    After a couple of years of my "gently drifting" away, my (now ex-) wife left me "to protect her spirituality" (whatever the heck that means).

    In retrospect, it all turned out for the better, which is only fair, because I wouldn't have been married at the impossibly young age of 21 if it wasn't for this religion in the first place.


  • Heatmiser

    Raises hand. "I just wasn't spiritual enough anymore", according to the ex.

  • Oxnard Hamster
    Oxnard Hamster
    because I wouldn't have been married at the impossibly young age of 21 i

    Hmmm... The JWs from my old congregation gave me the impression you should wait until you are about 30 to marry.

  • Grace

    While I haven't been separated or divorced as a result, I would say that I have lost my husband. My action of disassociation, for some reason, pushed him even MORE towards serving the cult. He's at an all-day assembly right now. I think he feels very threatened that I would leave and risk so much. We still share a house; however, I cannot talk to him about intelligent things like politics, world affairs, and my own re-found spirituality. Now that I am a very active lay minister serving various Christian congregations, he is not with me when I lead Sunday services. No one in my vast people pool of Christian friends has met him. And, because he drinks like a fish (he's an alcoholic), I find that anywhere we go together just ends up being embarrassing for myself. His grown children and grandchildren from his first marriage shun me (interestingly, I raised his youngest daughter, saving her life from anorexia because her Pioneer mother neglected her so terribly when she was nine years old). So, we live together but lead very separate lives. I know it doesn't belong in the same category as divorce or separation, but it is a daily factor nevertheless.

    Grace [email protected]

  • new boy
    new boy

    Had a wife of 27 years.-----------------------She has turn her back on me and our 2 kids=====The God of Love "Jehovah" told her to do it!!!

    I wouldn't want her back anyway------------I know now she never really loved us anyway.

  • LittleToe

    Separated and divorcing later this year, after 12 years of marriage.

    I should re-emphasise that this was as a direct result of leaving the WTS.

  • Euphemism
    Oxnard Hamster wrote:
    Hmmm... The JWs from my old congregation gave me the impression you should wait until you are about 30 to marry.

    That's pretty much the standard Watchtower line. In practice, however, because of the no-sex-before-marriage rule, Witnesses tend to marry young. The Witnesses are actually the only religion I'm aware that is serious about no sex before marriage but also discourages young marriages. It's simply not a sustainable combination.

  • tijkmo

    i commited adultery but it wasnt the reason my marraige failed...the reason was being df by unmerciful elders..bring shunned by family and friends and god as a result and therefore not getting the help nessercary to fix it...being slandered and villified...and as a result completely losing my desire to do what is 'right' anymore..if ever the subject comes up in the future when someone asks do jws break up families i will say..they broke mine...dont know why im telling you this..no-one believes me

    The Witnesses are actually the only religion I'm aware that is serious about no sex before marriage but also discourages young marriages. It's simply not a sustainable combination.
    interesting point...its like saying dont eat when you are hungry...wait until the hunger pangs have gone and then you will be able to choose your food more wisely
  • Rod P
    Rod P

    I got married to a JW farm girl at age 21 (she was 19), with both sets of parents' approvals. Her parents were JW, mine were not, although you could say my dad believed JW teachings, but was inactive due to his failed previous marriage as a JW.

    We married in 1964 and divorced in 1974. We lived together until Jan/1972, when we separated over irreconcilable differences, which also meant leaving behind 3 daughters. In late 1966 I converted to the Mormon religion, and got baptized into it, which, on grounds ofapostasy, resulted in my disfellowshipment by the JW's. (My wife's father was one of the three on the disfellowshipping committee who did the deed, but I did not hold it against him as he was simply doing what was expected of him.) From this you can see we tried to make a go of the marriage while living as a divided home religiously for over 5 years.

    In the fall of 1972, while attending University, I tried to reconcile with my family, as I loved them and missed them so much, and I was an emotional wreck. The price for reunion was to come back to the JW's and get reinstated, and to renounce my faith in Mormonism. I agreed to all this and did everything that was required, and went thru about an 8 month period of probation before being reinstated. Finally, the big day came, and I was officially welcomed back into the fold. But then I realized what a farce this was, because I just could not go out in field service knocking on doors, preaching to the world about the "truth" as being taught by the JW's, when deep insided I just did not believe in it. The wife and kids were still living on the farm. I was still living in Calgary, Alberta. The plan was that they would move to Calgary where we would all be reunited as a family once more. I called it off, because if I went ahead with it, we would be in deeper crisis than before. Shortly after that, I went back to the Mormon Church.

    Then I met a nice Mormon girl, another farm girl, and we got married in 1974, shortly after the divorce. Shortly thereafter, I got into another religious crisis, having discovered a whole lot of atrocities, lies and cover-ups in Mormonism in matters of Church History and Doctrine, that sickened me. Again, my faith was shipwrecked, and again I faced another marriage crisis as a result, this time with a son and a daughter. I shared what I had learned with my wife, and she was too afraid to examine it seriously because she saw what it did to my faith, and she did not want to lose hers. She felt that if she did not have the protection of the Church and her faith, that she would become very worldly, and that scared her more. In 1983 we divorced, but we had been separated around 1980.

    The 5 kids are all grown up now and have gone their own ways. My son is still Mormon, my daughter is basically inactive in the Mormon Church, and my ex-wife is still active LDS, but not fanatical about it. In the case of my first 3 daughters, the oldest basically escaped to Toronto and does not want to be found. The middle one is married with a couple of boys, and they are an active JW family. My youngest daughter here left the JW's about a year ago, and we do a lot of emailing together, and you could say we are reunited. Neither one of us is in any other religion at the present time. It is not that we don't have faith, or are against God and spirituality; just don't think we need Organized Religion to have it or live it. Organizations seems to cause more harm than good.

    In Jan/1986 I met a nice woman who happened to be what we in Canada refer to as "First Nations" or Aboriginal (Americans usually call them "Indians"). We are still together for the past 19 years, and are happy together, with a daughter who is now 14 1/2 years of age. We have no problems of religion or spirituality. I have a great respect for the spirituality of the Aboriginal peoples, and most people who investigate it come away with a sense of respect and spirituality as well.

    In spite of all the pain, agony, depression and battle scars along the way, I have come thru OK. I feel like Frank Sinatra, singing the song "I Did It My Way"....."The record shows, I took the blows....etc."

    In retrospect, with the first 2 wives, they loved me conditionally, as long as I was a good JW or a good Mormon. Lose faith in their respective Religions, and they lose their love for their mate. Marriage on that kind of basis is a farce, IMHO. It is a "house built on sand", and when the first storm comes along, it falls apart, because there is no strong foundation. They think the foundation has to be the Religion, but I think the foundation has to be the Relationship, and NO RELIGION has any business getting in the middle of a marriage. Religions are there to serve the family and the individual, and not the other way around. In my current relationship, she is the first one to accept me for what I am, for which I deeply appreciate her and love her. This is the way it is supposed to be. In 19 years, you could count on one hand the number of "fights" we have had, and the ones we did have are laughable if you try to call them "fights". There is a peace in our family, and a harmony. Why would anyone want to leave that? Not me!

    Rod P.

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