I am so upset right now that I cannot even get my thoughts clear enough to explain what just happened. I just know I need to VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Background: My 17 yr. old neice doesn't want to be a Witness. (My mother told me that she would not even be considering it if *I* had not left. Yeah for me!) So basically, the fam is insisting that she go to the meetings and she is not allowed to have "worldly" friends. She is forced to have a "study" with my mother every week so she can "examine" for herself the "truths". The flip side of this is that my neice has a lot of emotional problems due to having the crappiest parents on earth, and so is pretty imature about a lot of things. Basically, she has taken the stance that if they won't allow her to have any freedom in that area, then she is going to rebel in all other areas. And by rebel, I do not mean anything serious. I mean she will not clean her room, go to school willingly, do any school work, or anything else. I think she is extremely depressed, and is it any wonder???? She is shooting herself in the foot, but she just doens't see it. The family is taking the other extreme. Basically, if she will not make friends with Witnesses, then she cannot any friends period.
SO NOW TODAY:
My mother called me and told me that I need to be careful about letting my neice "play" me. She said she *knows* <my neice> has been coming to me and telling me *her* side of things. My mother said she is only coming to me because she knows she will get my sympathy and <my neice> will go to anybody to get sympathy. I said, "Who else CAN she go to talk about it?"
My mother said she can go to talk to any of the family about it (who are are all JWs). And I said, "And will they listen and try to help?"
She said, "Well, they won't give her sympathy like she wants if that's what you're asking! Like I said she only comes to YOU for sympathy." I again told her, "Like I said, who else CAN she go to?"
My mother tried to tell me that <my neice> is refusing to even *try* to be friends with any of the witnesses. I told her that is because she doesn't want to be a Witness, she doesn't fit in with the Witness kids, and she wouldn't be allowed to associate with them beyond a superficial friendship anyway because she is considered "weak." She again tried to tell me that I am only getting one side of it. So then what is the other side?
Well apparently, <my neice> DOES have the option to have worldly friends *IF* she will make friends with witnesses first for a certain period of time and *TRY* to be a Witness. This is all according to my mother.
So we ended up going around and around and around about all us and never really got anywhere! I kept asking, "So are you saying that she could have non-JW and she is just not choosing to? I think we should tell because she told me that she does not even try anymore because she knows she's not allowed." This and similar questions were never answered with a straight YES or NO. It was always, "There is more to it than that." or "The question isn't that simple." Whatever!
I told her I wish the family would focus more on helping my neice see the need to be a good, descent, responsible person, regardless if she is a JW or not, instead of just focusing on making go to meeting etc. and go through the motions. Again, she would start talking in circles again, basically saying that is what they are TRYING to do and <my neice> is just won't even try to study, blah, blah, blah. I said, "Did you even HEAR what I just said?" She said she did so I asked her to repeat it back.
"You think that we should make her go to meetings and give her more freedom." NO!!!!!! "Listen carefully! I said I think you focus more on helping her become a good responsible person instead of just thinking it will happen automatically if she goes through the motions of being a Witness."
She said, "Well, you are trying to separate the two and you just can't do that." In other words, if she is Witness, she will be a good responsible person. I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My neice's mother (also my sister through no fault of my own) has told her that as long as she lives under her roof she will have to be witness. So my neice has two options. Be a witness or get out.
Throughout the conversation, I would try to say something, like, "The harder you put your thumb on her, the harder she is going to buck." or when my mother trying she does have more choice, I said, "So when she does become old enough to make that decision, are you going to try to emotionally blackmail her to be a witness like you did me?" "Again," she said, "make sure you are not confusing *her* with *you*. That is how *you* view it ... as emotional blackmail." I said, "Oh, that is EXACTLY what it was."
I ended it by telling her that she need not worry about me talking to <my neice> and encouraging her not to be witness. I never have. SERIOUSLY! I told her she has come to me on a handful of occasions and I just listen and let her vent. I do tell her that there will come a day when she will have a choice and she has to start preparing for it now by taking her education seriously, etc. so she will be able to have more options later. I just try to give her hope that it will not always be her being the kid under their authority. I didn't tell my mother that.
There is actually a lot more that happened about in the conversation later that made me more upset than this issue with me neice, but this is getting so long, I should save it for another post.