when you were babtized and dedicated did you feel a void?

by swiftbreeze 26 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Shania

  Welcome Aprilbaby, love the name My beautiful baby girl was born in April------I found her in the cabbage patch

  Anyway to answer the question. A void why yes, felt very empty inside, but then again what business does a 15 year old have dedicating her life to something I did not have a clue about. I did it to be accept and loved which I got none of................teenagers should not get baptized.........if they are really following Christ example: he got baptized at 30 years of age, when he was a mature adult........but once again we don't do things Jesus way, we do things GBs way.
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  GentlyFeral

  OhMyGawd! YES! Surprised me all to hell, because prior to that I'd had the typical convert zeal about everything. My dedication was a highly satisfying emotional experience, kind of like receiving a marriage proposal, actually; so the emptiness I felt right after my baptism - yea, verily, while my hair was drying - was a completely unexpected shock.

  And, speaking of shock - I finally decided that's what it was. So I reassured myself that it was all right to "feel nothing" that day.

  What a maroon.

  gently f eral
• 

  Quentin

  At the time I felt good, even lightheaded. The void came years later when I saw the "truth" for what it was.
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  freedom96

  I just wanted to get it over with. Never was in my heart, to be baptized as a witness. But back then, I was getting married, and in order to get married in the hall and with everyones blessing, I had to be baptized first.
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  SeeSee

  I was baptized at 9, because they'd told me that "if you've lrstnrf about Jehovah [from us] and don't get baptized, he will KILL YOU (at Armageddon). I had no death wish, so I went to my baptism -- in a white-knuckle fury that I'd ever heard of Him, or them -- and hoping to make the best of deal by getting in some swim time. Ha! My mother was so proud of me that day, bragging about it, and getting congratulated by others. (Afterall, having such a young child dedicate her life to serving Jehovah made her look better than other mothers, and since to Witnesses nothing matters more than the appearance of doing good so she was in her glory.) Heck, I didn't even know the meaning of "dedication".

  As I grew up "in the truth" the pressured to do all they required seemed relentless. The control exercised by my mother and the "brothers" in God's name was sufficating. I really did try hard to be a "good Witness", even when I didn't get what they were saying or doing.

  I used to pray -- without any visible results -- for my perceived needs, until a Watchtower study
  "admonishing" (that word still gag's me) that we should only to pray for God's Kingdom to come. (Maybe I zoned out on the rest of the study and there really were things we were allowed to ask for besides His will and The Organization.) So, figuring that God had been taking care of that stuff without my help; and now knowing that He didn't want to be bothered with my personal problems, I quit praying, and tried to figure life out on my own. (Pretty dangerous undertaking for a teenager.) I lived in a perpetual state of discontent all the years I was associated with them.

  I hated standing on street corners (yes, dear, we really had to do this) with the Watchtower, and only stopped when some pervert asked me "what else was for sale", and I wanted to slug his sorry face. I got fat going from door to door, 'cause we spent so much time at the coffee shop trying to keep warm or cool off. I learned (from others) that if you offered someone a magazine on the way to the fieldservice, you could count your time from then until you got home doing the same thing. This meant that all the time at the meeting and the time it took to get to and from the territory counted too. Yea!

  That's my story - See See
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  delilah

  i was16 when i got baptized. my mother told me that if armageddon came and i wasn't baptised, that i would die. I really had no idea what i was getting into, as i paid more attention to what the elder's kids were getting away with at school, than i did to what was happening during the meetings. all i saw, were these kids who were dealing and doing drugs at school by day, and volunteering to give last minute talks at the Thursday night meeting. they were the first ones to be praised and invited out all the time. they pioneered and always having parties. so i decided to do what they were doing,they were having all the fun. So, needless to say, the day i was baptised, i was stoned out of my gourd.and yes i had tons of attention paid to me that day, then ti was"ok kid you're on your own now get busy pioneeringand doing for Jah".So i suppose it was inevitable, that one day i would be DF'ed, after all, i was baptised under the wrong circumstances, and for all the wrong reasons. When my daughter was 11, a group of girl's in our cong. were all getting baptised together. they bugged her to join them. I put my foot down and said "no way!" she thanks me to this day that i wouldn't let her do it. and half of those kids are all DF'ed anyways.I agree, no-one should be allowed to be baptised until they are in their 30's just like Jesus was.

  Dee

  P.S. every meeting day, while at school, i would think up excuses why i wasn't going to go to the meetings that night. When i look back on it, i know my heart was never in it. I was just afraid of dying at Armaggeddon. It's not right to scare and bully people into doing something , and i refused to do that to my children. ciao.
• 

  Gopher

  JW's are a religion of fear and of putting on appearances.

  They tell you that to be spiritual, you have to have a "relationship" with Jehovah. If you don't, you have a problem.

  I was raised in the "truth" and got baptized at 16. I never felt that "relationship" with Jehovah, also thinking (or being convinced by the religious teachers) that such a relationship was possible only after baptism. Well, that feeling never came. The emphasis on "service" to the organization and the fear they instilled in you as to what would happen if you didn't serve Jehovah (i.e., their organization) made it hard to think about alternatives.

  The void persisted. Even when I pioneered, I felt the void.

  Everyone tried to put on the appearance of being happy to be in the "one true faith". If you weren't happy about it, something was wrong with you -- you weren't spiritual enough.

  I felt an initial exuberance after being baptized, but then life went back to usual. The only thing that changed was now I was roped in to their organization.

  All because of fear.
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  GetBusyLiving

  Dee:

  Were you seriously stoned when you got baptized? That is the most puck rock thing I have ever heard!

  GBL
• 

  Crumpet

  I'd like to share my baptism and dedication story because I felt exactly that void! It is very personal...

  When I was 10 and had been removed from school by my parents because they thought I was too easily influenced by the wroldly kids after they found a rude poem in my lunch box I wanted to try and get back into their favour. So I said to my Dad, bearing in mind my mother had been baptised at theage of 9 (criminally young - how can you know your own mind and what it will be for the rest of your life at that age?), "Daddy I'd like to get baptised." I already felt like I was a year too old given my mother's experience. So my Dad said I should read the bible from cover to cover first and then come back to him. So I did.

  It took me three years - the only books I really enjoyed were Song of Solomon, Psalms and Proverbs and action packed Genesis. I went back to him just after I turned 13, and said "I've read the bible Dad and I want to get baptised" one night in the kitchen as we were washing up after dinner. "And you;ve dedicated your life to Jehovah?" he replied. I floundered mentally - how could I have forgotten this bit, and not wanting to show myself up I said gravely "Yes Daddy" whilst mentally saying a very quick prayer in my head at the same time which went "Dear Jehovah I dedicate my life to you,injesuschrisnameamen", hoping that lying and making it into truth simultaneously was okay. SO that was my dedication - I think I had a it of a longer prayer when I went up to bed and I really did mean it, I meant that I wanted to make my parents proud of me and if that meant baptism then that too. I never imagined for one moment that I might get disfellowshiped or the consequences...

  In my parents favour they never pushed me to get baptised - in fact the opposite they really tried to hold me back, ut the more they did the keener I became. And of course I did believe it was the truth and I also hoped that baptism would help them trust me more and let me have some more freedom to associate with the other kids in the congregation without them watching my every single move.

  So I went through the questions faultlessly - I could answer everything using my own words and so the elders gave the okay. And disappointingly for me the next baptismal opportunity was at the district assembly - but I couldn't very well say actually I'd rather what for the autumn circuit assembly where more people I know are likely to be there. I was a skinny underdeveloped gawky 13 year old though and the idea of fewer people seeing me in a bathing costume encouraged me. So I spent the next few weeks purely concentrating on what bathing costume to wear. No one else from my congregation was getting baptised at that assembly that I can remember - just me. And then a day or two before the convention the worst possible thing happened - I got my period!

  I knew about tampons but I'd never used one so When we went shopping I picked a packet up trembling and put it on the conveyor belt - Dad didnt notice but when we got home mum Humped and said you know how to use those do you? Embarrassed and defiant I said yes. I spent a whole night up crying trying to find where the hole was (sorry if this is too much detail - I just have to tell it the way it was). As far as I could tell from he exquisite diagrams on the little instructin leaflet from Tampax I didnt even have the right hole, but I was way too scared to ask or confess! I prayed and prayed for God to stop my period. I had visions of getting in the swimming pool which was not at the football stadium, but some public pool hired for the occassion nearby and bleeding everywhere. I can't tell you how afraid and traumatised I was and my mum didnt offer any help if she could have guessed what i was going through. The morning came and my period had not stopped and I sat through the baptism talk having to be nudged by mother to answer yes while I panicked horribly.

  Then it came time to get on the coach to the pool. I borrowed my sisters little cartoon hanky in a fit of desperation. It was a blurr, in the changing rooms it was horrible - I had never undressed in front of anyone having missed out on that part at school and was terribly self conscious. there were no cubicles and I was really slow wishing I could hide or something. All the other women were so wrapped up in themselves they didnt notice little me - the youngest one there nearly crying and still praying that something would happen. A woman, and I hope she wasnt a sister snapped at me to get a move on as nearly everyone had gone through. So I did the only thing I could do and tucked the little hanky in the crotch of my pink shiney bathing suit and hands folded in front of my groin I trooped out like a lamb to the slaughter, slid into the pool and waded towards the nearest white tshirted John the Baptist alike and while I was being dunked all I could think and pray was "please God, dearest Father, do not let me bleed now". My parents were in a balcony area and took some pictures, and even at that great distance you could see the fear in my face in the photos.

  It was horrible. It makes me feel sick and scared just reliving it now. I was relieved when I was dressed and it was all over and now looked forward to some presents and cards and congratulaions. But it seemed everone from my congregation had forgotten or didnt care. The only person who gave me a hug other than my parents was a very new bible study called Di who was a lovely woman with three unruly boys and a very opposing husband with hardly any money and she bought me one of the new mini NWt bibles which had recently been released and a card. It was awful, horrendous and an experience that I'd rather forget.

  I went homefeeling defalted and awful and never felt any better about it, particularly as I harboured the suspicion that I had done it wrong by not dedicating myself properly first.

  When I was trying to be reinstated when I was 17 I asked my Dad whether if you hadnt dedicated yourself your baptism still counted but he said maybe not but I couldn't own up to him what I had dne and the guilt I had carried all those years so I never pursued it further.

  So in answer baptism and void and horror - all go hand in hand. I've never seen a horror movie that was as frightening as that paricular experience was to me.

  Phew - I need a stiff drink! That was hard!
• 

  BrendaCloutier

  OMG do I relate!

  When I was about 12 or 13, my mom and I called on a woman - it was my door. She was an awesome black woman, middle aged, who was a devout baptist. She feed her own grans, had foster children, and any meal would accept any neighbor child who wanted to eat with them. THIS has to be what Jesus taught about living the love of Jehovah! I asked my mom, that surely this woman would not die at armageddon, she has such a good hear and strong belief in Jesus! And my mom told me that she has had an opportunity to hear the Truth(tm) and would die.

  That started the doubt, but I didn't push any more questions.

  At 14 I was old enough to dedicate my life to Jehoavah('s witnesses). I went thru the baptism study.... my dad the conductor! I got baptized at our local district assembly that summer in the name of Jehovah the Father, Jesus, the son, and the Holy Spirit (so my baptism was not fully invalid by Christs terms).

  When I came up for the 3rd time, no dove. no feeling of security I lacked all my life, no nothing. I was wet, cold, 14 and in a bathingsuit in front of 10-s of thousands of people!

  This just reinforced my doubts.

  When I tried to pioneer after my parents pulled me out of school, I just couldn't close the sale. I had only one bible study, and that petered out over a month.

  When I got married at 18 I thought Good, a new life!

  But when I moved into his cong. I was shunned because I married into a weak family, and this by people I had known all my life and who supposedly respected my dad!

  After just a year of crap and one more memorial a year after that I had had enough.