Please help me help a friend, quickly (page 2)

Aude_Sapere

I often wonder why my friend tells me these personal things that go on with her, as she knows I'm not a witness.

Because you are a real friend and she knows that.

-Aude.

I am not trying to make witness ladies look bad, but she most likeley does not want to go to them for several reasons. First, they would most likley council her on what she is doing wrong to make him be like that, etc etc. Telling her she needs to be in subjection to him and stuff like that. When you are in that situation you do not need to be told it is your fault you kow. Also, she is concerned about her husbands rep, again a product of the system, which in many ways is loving and nice of her, but to this extreme she should only be concerned about her. If she told the sisters the every hall in an 100 mile radius would know about it. Sisters, love the gossip, at least that is the experiece I have had, actually let me rephase, JW in general men/woman love gossip.

I hope your friend gets the help she needs... my heart goes out to her I am sure she feels totally helpless right now.....

Sirona

Hi Wonderwhy,

Welcome to the forum!

Your friend should definately tell someone. The thing with abusers is that they rely on the victim not telling people. She should tell her friends, her family and the elders - at least everyone she feels she can tell in confidence. This will expose his actions and he will feel at least a little humiliated. Then she needs to seek counselling for herself, even if he won't go. This will help to empower her and help her set her goal posts - what I mean is that people who have been abused almost always don't realise how serious it is - they rationalise it as "not that bad" but when they tell a professional they are surprised by the professional's abhorrence and shock....making them realise how serious it really is.

I've seen abuse - I've been abused myself and I've seen it happen to others. Noone deserves physical and emotional abuse. I think the idea of reporting it to the JWs headquarters is a great idea aswell.

Good luck,

Sirona

orangefatcat

Wonder why, Let me tell you the story of my ex-husband and his fairly new physco wife, it is similar to your friends.

I am not trying to take over the subject, but i thought it would be helpful.

She beats him (ex) up continually. She is a capital BITCH. One day when my son was at his fathers home he was coming down their stairs and he happened to look over the banister and see her punching his 70 year old father. This witch bitch is in her late forties or early fifties.

Anyway my son ran up to her and with a full clenched fist was about to knock her out. And believe me my son is huge. His father grabbed his arm and said please don't she isn't worth it or getting yourself in trouble with the law. So he didn't slug her. My son told his father why don't you tell the elders about her. Well he said he has told them and they are well aware of her conduct. But they told him that they didn't get involved in marital disagreements. Of course that is bull sh**. and I told my son what to do to help out his father. I know he is my ex, but I lived with him for 28 years and we do have a history and so I may be divorced from him but I still care about him as he is the father of our son.

I told Richard that what she is doing to his father is called "Elderly Abuse" and if the elders aren't going to get involved he should contact this organization. But his father is somewhat useless, that is one reason I left him. He has no back bone. He'd rather be smacked by this bitch then do anything about it. So Rich ard called me and asked me for help

I told him that there are articles in the magazines and books that says a mate can leave another mate if their is physical mental or emotional abuse and so my boy went up to his dads library and looked through the "family book" and reference book for answers. And sure enough my son found the info my ex needs to get rid of this women.

also the watchtower of novemeber 1 page 11 yr 2000 says the following;

. Of course, there are circumstances?such as adultery or physical abuse?when a Christian may appropriately consider separation or divorce. (Matthew 5:32; 19:9)

So now his father approached the elders with this information and they told him he has

 now got the right to tell her to leave and he is going to divorce her.

 What a sad state of affairs when the witnesses have no concern about the sheep

 in the congregations any more. It makes me mad because all this affects my son too.

 He Richard is so happy he is throwing his wife out.

In fact Richard moved back home to help his father out and to watch over him

so that she doesn't attack him anymore.

I would hate to be living in circumstances such as these.

I hope all things work out for you as they do for my ex husband.

So Wonderwhy I hope that this helps out your dear friends.

luv

Orangefatcat

Elsewhere

SHe had mentioned speaking with elders at her kingdom hall

Here is the problem... you and her are both confusing a criminal matter with a spiritual matter. The elders are there to handle spiritual matters and the police are there to handle criminal matters. Abuse is a criminal matter, not a spiritual matter.

Call a lawyer or the police, not the elders.

wonderwhy

Hi everyone,
Well, my friend left her husband last night, before I could let her know what all of you had offered for advice. I plan on telling her tonight, paraphrase style. I want to thank everyone for your prompt help. I wasn't expecting so much so quickly and I really appreciate it as will my friend.

fairchild

Wow, glad to hear (read) that she left last night. Situations like this one are always tough to deal with. Afraid to leave, afraid to hurt feelings, afraid.. Hopefully things will get better for her from here on. Leaving him was a very important step in the right direction.

Good luck.

tijkmo

leaving is not in itself a solution to everything so hope she isnt looking for quick results but tis a step in the right direction for now...hope it continues to be

TheOneBuck

Please keep us posted and if there is anything we can do to help I am sure we would be more then willing to do so.

Please help me help a friend, quickly

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