by 24k 18 Replies latest jw friends
24k
I gave you suggestions based on your concern for her happines and for the love you stated your had for her, "I love my wife more than anything..." After reading your 2nd post I can see you obviously don't love her more than anything. That's your choice.
Best wishes. ~ Flash
PS: This I didn't suggest " And let's not forget curtailing association with anyone not a JW."
24K you have my prayers, I don't have much in the way of advice. This is a tough situation. Do the people at the church know what you are going through. They may be of help.
24k,
As long as you refuse to answer questions (or lie and deny you went to a church), then I don't see where there's any basis for DF'ing you. Granted it tips your hand, they'll have their eye on you. But nobody saw you do anything "wrong". The only witness they have saw you get in a car -- hardly a DF'ing offense. If you volunteer that you went to a church, then you're in trouble. But there's no reason to do that. Lie if you're able, or simply refuse to talk about it if you're not willing to lie.
Either way, you can only be hung by your own words at this point.
Dave
The cost to "play the game" is far to high. It is a relinquishing of all that makes you an individual. Think of what you are asking me to do Flash. Your saying that I should meet with a judicail commitee whoes authority I do not recognize. That I should lie to said committee and pretend to have feelings of remorse for sins I have not committed. All "for the sake" of showing my wife that I am willing to be dishonest to avoid the consequences of my sincerely held beliefs. This, of course, would call into question those beliefs. Than "fade again", constantly in fear of someone else catching me attending church, or associating with dear friends who are no longer JW's. And let's not forget curtailing association with anyone not a JW.
24K, you said it all right there. Jesus only wants those who are honest with themselves and who don't deny Him. He said that when we put our hand to the plow and follow Him we can't look back and still be faithful. I have given up my wife and children to follow Him. Yes, it hurts but Jesus said He will take care of those faithful to Him in this world and in the one to come. Who knows what will happen if you maintain your position. The WTS is a harlot and her God is Satan. Plain and simple. She keeps her followers separated from the love of Christ. If they leave her she only cares that they don't follow Him. She doesn't care if they come back to serving her or not, as long as they don't turn to Christ. Many other people in your position have remained steadfast in their faith to Him and some have been able to lead their whole family away from the WT cult and into a personal relationship with the Savior. Hang in there and don't let that disgusting WT harlot win.
Hi pal,
This was part of the dilemma that faced me. I wanted to go to churches and see the other side of the coin, without looking over my shoulder all the time. I also knew that they'd never leave me alone, since I was right in the thick of things, when I decided to depart. Hence I went out with a bang and haven't had them call since.
Like you, my marital relationship was mainly built on a shared "spiritual" life, and I despaired as I saw this going down the swannie. I've been separated well over a year, and it still hurts, from time to time.
I wish you all the best, and hope things work out for ya.
Cheers,
Ross.
Thanks again everyone for the encouragement.
I gave you suggestions based on your concern for her happines and for the love you stated your had for her, "I love my wife more than anything..." After reading your 2nd post I can see you obviously don't love her more than anything. That's your choice.
Flash, I'm not sure what in my second post would lead you to conclude I do not love my wife more than anything.
24k
I understand your predicament. Also as you have said earlier about "pretending" to carry on as a JW and then fading away. I tried that but it was worse than being honest about it all. In the end I had to make a stand for what I believed.
Like Little Toe this cost me my marriage I have been separated from my wife for 4 yours now, in that time she and my 2 JW daughters have not spoken to me. But I have never given up hope that one day they will see sense.
Also keep in mind that others on this forum have also gone through the same thing. But have had the joy thattheir wives have followed them out of the WT.
So hang in there. Don't let them bully you. Otherwise you will end up living a lie.
Hi and welcome 24K...My husband and I fortunately made our "exit" together, as we came to the same conclusions about the hypocrisy of the JW organization. But in the process I did lose my mom, sister and brother who now shun me. (We are neither DF'd or DA'd...they just think we're demonized apostates).
You are in a very tough situation. I think that Jeannie gave the best advice. I couldn't have said it better. You are going to be going through very painful times and major adjustments...I just hope that when the shunning starts big time...that your wife perhaps will see the cruelty of this organization. You sound like a very loving and caring individual...it shows in the concern you have over your wife being hurt and the rift it may cause in your marriage. Being that kind of person is what you need to have your wife experience. In the end, hopefully, that love for her will win her over.
When you feel like venting...this is the place to do it. Most of us have "been there, done that".
Hang in there 24K....we're thinking about you!
Cathy L.
24k
Tough spot, huh?
I think there may be an alternate here - but unusual. Go to the JC meeting if convened [ and there is a chance that won't even happen]. But just don't speak - plead the fifth so to speak. Answer politely that you feel no need to answer, you just wish them to provide the required two witnesses to the charges. If the charge is attending another church ask for witnesses to that event - seeing you get in a car dressed well is not proof of anything.
Of course we know that sometimes these things are just a sham and they will do as they like - but if they have conscience about it - you may just walk away without a scratch. Thoughts and prayers with you
Just my opinion
Jeff
