thanx for the welcome

tijkmo

thanx for all your welcoming comments..im really quite nervous about this..some of you spoke about spiritual abuse and i understand this but im also aware that victims of abuse can rationalise that it will be the last time and at least its attention which i guess is why im still struggling to make a clean break..aswell as my family all being jw and i dont have friends elsewhere..to let you know a bit bout me...unlike many here i loved it..nothing about being a witness was ever a problem for me..i pioneered straight from school because id always wanted to,not a sacrafice although i was good at everything academically musically sportily(im sorry its just a fact) loved the pioneer school..hated window cleaning but it was good money and i only worked a couple of days..i loved being ms..mags lit mikes hall cleaning..loved being an elder..i was not a bully i genuinely liked helping people..loved my group which was never boring liked training newer ones in the ministry helping with their talks loved sheperding..gave great talks and a rivetting wt study was on circuit and district assemblies and elders schools etc..esp got on well with young ones..i was a baptizer i did weddings and funerals cooked at quick builds and helped out on bethel constuction..i wasnt proud of myself i just took great pride in using all my time effort and abilities in serving J......AND THEN I MADE A MISTAKE....and what they did to me was neither scriptural organizational or humane...as a result of which i had one nervous breakdown after another along with several bouts of suicidal tendancies for which i was hospitalized my marraige failed my relationship with my family strained to say the least and even though ive been reinstated about 18 months now none of my former friends want anything to do with me...im picking up the pieces slowly and doing a music course at college(oh no i said the c word) there are still days when i think that stoning was less cruel than what they did to me....if i still prayed i would ask J to hurry up with armageddon already to put me out of my misery....thanx for listening..still got plenty more to say..tijkmo

whyamihere

I am glad you are here! Welcome again!

(((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))...You sounded like you needed one! I look forward to reading your posts!

Brooke WI

Big Tex

It's okay to be nervous, I know I was the first few times I started posting. I was convinced I would be spotted immediately or something bad would happen to my family (the wrath of Jehovah!). But I found out that people are nicer, more human, more Christian (even those that aren't) outside the organization than inside.

I too liked being a Witness. I started studying when I was 9 (a year before my parents). I left over the child abuse issue, which caused me to be shunned even though I was never DF'd. Loving, eh?

I'm glad you're here. Take your time and build your life around people who care for you because of who you are rather than what religious sect you belong to.

Chris

MerryMagdalene

Tijkmo,

You're welcome for the welcome!

It sounds like you've had a very rough time of it. How are you today, right now?

Hope you can feel the love in our cyber-hugs ((((())))). I have found much healing here myself.

I can imagine that the intense contrast between how things once were for you within the congregation and how things are now must be especially difficult to process and deal with. Hope you will be back on smoother ground soon...

~Merry

tijkmo

yeah im ok just now...sure has been tough and havent even told you what happened yet..it gets worse-much worse...had a good day at college today..got a circuit assembly tomorrow..that will be an ordeal i think but i dont care anymore...im unembarrassable....someone posted a quote on here a couple of weeks back: its not the words of your enemies that you remember..its the silence of your friends....used it in a song wish id written it though

adelmaal

Welcome and I hear you!

It can be difficult getting disfellowshipped and then reinstated only to find you no longer fit in, you feel constantly judged and you receive little to no support. I too enjoyed being a witness until my life started going downhill. Then it got really tough. I ended up with a failed marriage, an ulcer, disfellowshipped and alone as a single mom. It was not fun.

I have received so much more unconditional love and support from my worldly family and friends than I ever did in that religion. Now that I have been away long enough I have also been able to establish a relationship with God based on what is in my heart and not what is said from a platform. It's quite liberating and he is so much more loving, merciful and forgiving (just as Jesus was) than I ever imagined.

It's amazing. It's almost like John 15:19 applies to them in every sense of the word, "If you were a part of the ~~world~~ [organization], the ~~world~~ [organization] would be fond of what is its own. Now because you are no part of the ~~world~~ [organization], but I have chosen you out of the ~~world~~ [organization], on this account the ~~world~~ [organization] hates you." Mercy is not in their make-up and unconditional love is a foreign concept. They love you so long as you are exactly like them. And don't you dare mess up!

It's those of us that served for the right reasons and treated people kindly that eventually see the injustice in it all. We cannot change it though because it is to ingrained and it's almost like a mob mentality.

Hang in there and again welcome.

Balsam

Tijkmo, welcome sounds like you've had a hard time though your reinstated. Yah once you've been that route unless you have a strong JW spouse to hang in there with you then you suffer big time. Everyone is a little scared of a single person with no mate who has been recently reinstated. Seen it happen lots of times while I was an active JW.

Balsam

bull01lay

Hi Tijkmo - hope you like it here!

I was nervous as hell when I first posted - lurked for ages before summoning up the courage to do it!

You sound like some elders I've known in the past - and in a way, it's a shame for them to lose you - other genuine JW's need real shepherds, not the majority of the little hitler type that seem to exist. On the other hand - there's a genuine bunch of people here too, so you should fit in nicely.

Looking forward to reading your posts,

Bull!

Beachbender

Tijkmo a big howdy to you & welcome! Nice place to start healing.

Valis

Welcome tij! Glasgow is a beautiful city and I am glad to say I had the pleasure of spending a day there. The view fromt he top of the Rennie Macintosh museum is very cool. Hang around and you will find lots of friendly faces here who share a lot in common with you. Cheers matey!

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

thanx for the welcome

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