need to vent - just got off phone with mom (page 5)

jgnat

Yeah, it is emotional manipulation, even if your mom isn't doing it on purpose. It never ceases to amaze me how WT articles can turn things around so that the JW abstension from holidays is presented as "pressure" from "worldly" families.

Resist that "pressure"! Phone up those non-JW relatives AGAIN this year and explain how important it is that you NOT attend. What a fine Witness you will be! They will see from your "fine" example how morally superior it is to go skiing with your other JW friends than to sit around and have a pagan meal with your otherworldly relatives!

The same thing with parents of DF'd children. Somehow the society has convinced them that the fastest way to restore their children is to be FIRM.

Yeah right.

Through all that your mom is saying, I am hearing that she loves you and she wants the relationship restored. I like your love-bombing idea. I suggest you stop responding to the WT tape-recorder and speak directly to your mother's heart. When she begs you to return, say, "Yes, mom, I miss you too. Wouldn't it be lovely if we could sit together like we used to and.....". You can then follow up with, "If you want this so bad and I want this so bad, let's just do it!" If she responds with WT programming, just say "Sorry, mom, I won't, but I love you anyways." And so on.

Mary

Jaredg, is there any chance you could show her some stuff about the UN fiasco or the Phillip Morris fiasco to your mom? As long as she believes that this is The Truth, she'll feel that she's sinning against Jehovah for going against what the Borg says. Witnesses cannot differentiate between senile, diapered men in Crooklyn, and God.

If you can just somehow plant the seed that could make her stop and think, something might change down the road.

NewLight2

(((((((Jaredg)))))))))

I'm so sorry for the pain that you are feeling.

The key here is to break through the WT programming. Try to get her to THINK out of the 'box' by turning her statements about the FDS into questions. Ask HER to prove to you by using the Bible alone everything that she says. Use the WT's own arguments to get her thinking. Example:
WT says the 'word Trinity' is not in the Bible. OK, chalenge HER to find the words "God's ORGANIZATION" in the Bible. Use the same logic as they use for the word Trinity not being in the Bible.

There are many other such 'jw-isms' that could be used, but try to consentraite on WT Authority issues with the claim that they alone are the FDS 'CLASS'. Ask about how the WT 'interprets' this parable to mean THEMSELVES.

Another example:
"getting reinstated" - use the parable of the 'prodical son' - ask her why HE didn't have to sit in the back of the KH for 6+ months before he was restored to fellowship with his family. He was 'reinstated' instanly!

There are many other examples that I'm sure you can come up with.

Take care and don't give up on her. WT programming CAN be broken!

NewLight2

Robdar

Jaredg:

It's very apparent that you love your mother and she loves you so hang in there. I went through something similar when I first left the borg. To make a long story short--I did get my family back.

These posters have given some good advice. It deserves repeating:

Willyloman:

I often tell my daughter it was because of her showing love to us that we are together as a family again, and that she was instrumental in planting a seed that led to our amazing discovery that the "Truth" is anything but.

So, dude, show love to your mama. But stand your ground.

Shania:

Jared you seem to be a loving son to your mom, do this tomorrow, send her some flowers and say I'll always be your loving son now and forever!!!

Heatherg:

Hi jared, keep up with your mom, let her know that she means the world to you, but that you have your life to live. If you keep up with her she'll most likely come around.

Amnesian:

In the meantime, allow me to say briefly that willyloman's experience is nowhere near as rare as you might suppose among those of us longtime JWs who devoutly reared our children in the "truth."
Moral to the story, son: Never, ever give up hope and never, ever stop expressing your love to your parents. There are so many of us achingly regretful parents who are more grateful than mere words can express to have the forgiveness of our children for having been so misguided for so long.

Jgnat:

Through all that your mom is saying, I am hearing that she loves you and she wants the relationship restored. I like your love-bombing idea. I suggest you stop responding to the WT tape-recorder and speak directly to your mother's heart.

Many blessings.

Robyn

jaredg

thank you everyone for your kind responses. i plan on keeping a relationship with my family if they like it or not. i think in a few years they might come around. thanks again....i love you all!!

jared

Beachbender

Well done people! This is all very excellent advice jared, wisdom comes from experience. Love heals all wounds in time. Definite A+ support group.

Hang in there guy.

Jankyn

Jared--

Hang in there, kiddo. I think the advice given here is top-notch. If you express your willingness to be there for them--"love bomb" them, in your words--then sooner or later, their natural love for you will win out. It may not be complete; that is, they may never really give up on "bringing you back to the Truth," but they will continue to love you.

And the more you set an example of being honest and loving, the more they have to contrast with the dishonest and unloving organization.

Best,

Jankyn

JustTickledPink

I know it's painful, but I feel the same as Valis, the ball is in THEIR court. They have abandoned you and use the religion as an reason/excuse. They've basically dropped you out of their life.

Parental abandonment is so difficult to understand, and it sure doesn't make me feel like going back. It shows me what a wacked religion it is that seperates families in the name of God.

There will be good days and bad days coming up. Try to find some older friends, that helped me. I made friends with some older women that kinda "mothered" me and gave me advice when I needed it. You can build your own family out of friends if you reach out to people.

It hit me pretty hard last fall when I was getting married and the florist asked me about ordering a mother's corsage and it literally pained me when I had to say "my mother isn't coming, no corsage thank you" even though she lived in the same town. I had no mother to talk to about picking out dresses, or having lunch with, etc.

We're here for you though anytime you need it!!!

willyloman

Amnesian: What a lovely post! Your words are filled with truth.

AMNESIAN

willyloman:

Amnesian: What a lovely post! Your words are filled with truth.

You're very kind, love, I know so many of us parents share the same regrets yet deep gratitude for a second chance. I also know that stories like your family's and mine can serve to bolster the resolve of those experiencing despair to hang on when all appears bleak. AMNESIAN

need to vent - just got off phone with mom

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