TOP SEVEN IDIOTS OF 2004
Number One Idiot of 2004
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
The poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
Because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
Number Two Idiot of 2004
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
Number Three Idiot of 2004
A story out of
Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a
stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors
that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
Number Four Idiot of 2004
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in
a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him.
At that point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign!
Idiot Number Five of 2004
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.
Idiot Number Six of 2004
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
Just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window
was made of plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh,
that smarts.
Give him his sign.
Idiot Number Seven of 2004
: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
Walked into a Burger King in at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, rustrated, walked away.
Sign please.
Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote, (and
breed).