taking care of my elderly JW mother

by desbah 7 Replies latest jw experiences

  • desbah
    desbah

    hi everybody,

    after lurking around this and other forums, i decided to add my personal experience. first i was raised in the so called "truth" i was forced to attend meeting in the 60's when i was a teen and i later quit going to the kh in the early 70's, when i graduated from high school and left my parents house. in the 90's i started a book study with a really nice jw sister and attended several jw meeting, conventions and memorials, i was ready to get BAITized, but i decided not to go through with it. when it came down to it, this jw sister i was studing with said, i had a choise to make, Jehovah or my husband and family, my husband is an ex-morman and a vietnam veteran. and is NOT interested any type of organized religion. my husband and i had several discussions, he left it up to me to decided. i prayed about joining and getting BAITized, i realized its a strict lifestyle to live. i cannot put my husband, children and grandchildren through this religion.

    several of my sisters did get BAITized when they were living at home with my parents. over the years, two of my sister are still "faithful to the truth". none of my brothers were interested in this religion. growing up as a non-BAITized member, i particiated in sports and join school clubs, i had great non-jw friends and i did enjoy standing for the pledge of alligence at school. but at home we didn't celebrate christmas or birthdays or any other holidays.

    my late father was never interested in this religion until later in his life, he would go to the kh to keep my mother company. finally, he agreed to a bible study with one of the jw brother and my elderly father took his time studing the bible, in his late 70's he got BAITized. he never went out and did door-to door preaching work. my father made several leather book covers for jw's bibles and he was confortable with jw's coming to visit him. he did attending kh meeting and conventions. later in his late 80's my father quit going to kh meetings due to his health, it seems like the jw's quit coming around to visit my father, when his health was going downhill. my father passed away towards the end of 2001, before he passed away he recieved the congressional silver medal, for being a WWII navajo codetalker. we as a family decided to have this (anoint) elder to give a "talk" for our father funneral. before started the funneral this (anoint) elder tells our family he can not do his "talk" if we give a eulogy about our father. naturally we were upset, the funneral director walked out in disgust. so i remind this (anoint) elder about his promise he made to my mother. so we had the eulogy included as part of the service, out of respect for my father. and later our family buried him in a military cementery with a simple service. in 2002 our family had a full military burial service and donated his medal to a local university. just to let you know, funnerals are for the living and do not let anyone force their beliefs on you.

    my jw mother was really strong in her faith to Jehovah, she would put this religion before her family. after my father passed away my elderly mother went into a severe depression. she started showing signs of dementia. my elderly mother would take off in her vehicle and nobody would know where she went. my jw sister was taking care of her and couldn't handle the stress and pressure of taking care of a elderly person.

    the incident that got everyone upset with my jw sister, was when she took her to a thurs. night meeting. and after the meeting was over my jw sister put my mother in her vehicle and my jw sister went back in the kh to "associate among the friends" my mother was waiting outside, another jw's vehicle backout and hits the passenger side of where she is sitting. this jw brother is an older man. do they taking my mother to the hospital and get her checked out....NOOOO! did they called the police to report the accident...NOOOO! did she get ahold of other party insurance company....NOOOO! all what the elders told my jw sister, that this accident happen on jw property and the jw brother will have to "take care of it." our jw sister kept this accident from the rest of us unbelivers. we later found out our mother's accident about a month later. and started to ask her questions, we found out that this brother was broke and not about to get our mother's vehicle fix. we as a family confronted this jw brother and went to the police department to report the accident. that shook this jw brother up when the police officer came to his house and told him about the law and told him they are gving him two weeks to get it fixed.

    my d/f sister came back and started to take care our elderly mother, the elders told my jw sister they can not have anything to do with my jw mother. then my d/f sister start doing drugs around my elderly mother and ran off with a man. so i end up taking care of my elderly mother. i moved her out of her house and now she is living with my family. now my jw sister wants to take her to the kh and sunday public talk. my elderly mother really doesn't know what day it is and gets confused. so my jw sister comes over on sunday and gets my mother ready, my mother said "i feel guilty", then my jw sister said "you got nothing to feel guilty about, you had bad association" that statement nearly floored me. talk about "double talk language."

    now i can see clearly and after many years of trying to get my faith back i can move on, i been through many stages of healing. i can open the bible and mediate and practice my culture. my husband and i have been married over 25 years now and we raised our family in a healthy and loving environment, sure the world is not perfect and no man, woman or child on earth is perfect. everthing has its balance. what i learn the most that its wonderful to be alive.

    here's a excellent site i want to share with all of you,

    http://www.pathways-to-peace.com

  • AlmostAtheist
    AlmostAtheist

    Wow! Seen it all and lived to tell the tale. Thanks for sharing, and welcome to the forum!

    Dave

  • HadEnuf
    HadEnuf

    Hi desbah! Thanks for sharing your story with us. I really did enjoy the website you recommended. It truly made my day (and it was one of those icky, yuky kind of days)! The "Presentation" was stunning and heartwarming. I loved the quotes. Welcome to the forum!

    Cathy L.

  • Bryan
    Bryan

    desbah,

    Wow what a story. I'm glad you've had some family through the years and your children had a great life.

    Waiting for your next post!

    Bryan

    Have You Seen My Mother

  • curlygirl
    curlygirl

    Welcome to the board!

    I'm glad that you've found some peace.

    curlygirl

  • marcosgarcia
    marcosgarcia

    Wow! What a story! You go girl you are on the right path. The link was wonderful. I enjoyed the quotes. It was very inspiring. I have heard that JW funerals are used for preaching and not much is said about the deceased --- too bad because like you said the funeral is for the surviving family a time for comforting and a time to remeber the good times they shared with their loved one.

    Thanks for sharing I feel good and I hope letting it out made you feel good too.

    --marcos

  • desbah
    desbah

    thank-you all for your welcome greetings

    in our house my husband and i have a joke about mormans and jw's knocking on our door. when the morman missionary comes knocking at our door, my husband tells them we are jw's...and when the jw's come knocking on the door, my husband tells them we are mormans. for now it has been working.

  • prophecor
    prophecor

    Hi Deesbah. I had no idea that you were going thru this and I'm sorry I haven't paid much attention. This is so touching and wonderful that you make certain that your mother's needs are met in her twilight years. You are doing a wonderful service. Godbless you and all you do.

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