by Check_Your_Premises 45 Replies latest jw experiences
If you're a good husband, she won't leave you. Just make sure with her that it's her that's joining and not you, and therefore, you want her to respect your point of views and not shove her new religion down on you.
Any which way, there'll be disruption in your home life because of this. My sincere condolences.
DY
I'm convinced that the witnesses have told her that because of her choice, she has become a target.
One other point on this line. JW's make a BIG deal out of explaining to newly baptized people that this is the crucial time. This is the time that Satan will really bear down on them and try to break them. This is the time to stand firm, be strong, yada, yada. Point is, she will be especially sensitive to "opposition" right after baptism. To buy yourself some room to help her think later, I would suggest not questioning her beliefs at all for the first six months to a year. Let the initial paranoia die down. Hopefully later you can coax her to think a little.
This has been pounded on in this thread, but only because it is SO important. Please don't put yourself in the position of an 'opposing mate'.
Dave
I just don't see how I can sit by and just let my kids get brainwashed into this garbage. Cant I at least not allow them to attend the meetings!?
What if I find another church, and tell the kids I want them to go with me. Doesn't the literature support this?
They are 12, 9, and 2. They have been listening to this garbage for awhile now. The 12 yr old girl is pretty into it, she goes to all the meetings at her own choosing. The 9 yr old boy goes to the weekly meetings every once in awhile, but he really could care less. My 2 year old, I would be happy if she never set foot in a KH ever again!
CYP you are not a jw so your children will see the other side of life ,that is what happened to my kids. Their father took them to meeting when they were small and i let this happen till my kids were old enough to tell me ,,,enough,,,,,when they came to me with this i was so happy but did not push either way because i wanted them to think for themselves. Trust me ,the more you push your wife to not take the kids the more your wife will rebel against you and conspire with the elders.
Your kids will see the other ( normal ) side of life and as long as they have that ,chances are they will not get reeled in ,and one day when they are older they will say,,,,,enough.
Remember to your kids the meetings are just a game ,a place to see other kids and i am sure not much jw crap has filled their head.
Take it slow and see what happens,,,,,,,,,
Sorry to hear it did not go as well as you hoped. If I were you I would develop a long-term strategy, and expect it to take a few years. After all, it took a few years to prime your wife for baptism. Because of the age of your oldest, I would make KH attendance VOLUNTARY. If your daughter decides NOT to attend some night, make sure you replace the activity with something else. Don't oppose your wife's involvement, reinforce that you respect her right to chose. Also demand the same respect for yourself.
I don't see anything wrong with finding a church of your own and involving your children on a VOLUNTARY basis. The regular church has the Witnesses beat on a few levels. We have a much wider variety of literature, music, and videos geared to their level. Take advantage of them. If your wife protests, ask her to point out the SPECIFIC "errors" in their literature. She better be ready to back them up.
http://www.scottsparable.com/kids.html
Look for a church that has a vital children's program.
For yourself, you might check out a church that has an Alpha program. It is a great introduction to the Christian faith, and many different churches run it.
i really dont know your maritial situation...maybe your wife is unhappy and searching for something better. and she is turning to the JW's to fill that void in her life.
i know, how exactly how it feels to be pressured to be BAITized and the choice you have to make, its gonna be serving Jehovah or your husband and the children.
its gonna be interesting to see if she puts her needs before you and the children, keep us posted.
just to let you know whats in store.
Check_Your_Premises asked: I have often heard that one of the best ways for people to see the truth about the org is to have a bad experience. Any ideas on how I could facilitate such an experience?
I believe this to be true. Many JWs who don't feel the child abuse stuff is that big of a deal have not had to deal with it personally. Many people that feel disfellowshipping is a "loving" provision have never had to deal with unjust disfellowshipping or had to deal with unreasonable requests of a Judicial Committee.
Not sure how you can facilitate a bad experience, but if there is some way to keep up on the latest gossip in the Kingdom Hall, then you are bound to come upon something. I know my "unbelieving "dad had plenty to say to my mom about this - but she used the "we're imperfect" strategy - and coupled with the fact that she was angry with my father for getting her pregnant in high school - she was way too prideful to let any reasonableness get to her. She made him pay everyday. I don't know if your wife is this vindictive or not.
Check_Your_Premises asked: I just don't see how I can sit by and just let my kids get brainwashed into this garbage. Cant I at least not allow them to attend the meetings!?
This is a biggie in my opinion and experience. DO NOT let the JW kids be the sole influence in their lives. If you make sure they have GOOD friends that are not JWs they will know early on that JW kids aren't better in any way. Besides - if your kids are known for having "worldly" (non-JW) friends, chances are the JW parents won't allow their JW kids to hang with your kids anyways. Your wife may get discouraged by the conditional love in this instance and this may actually help accomplish your first question too! If your kids ask questions that the JWs don't like, and hang out with non-JW kids, their congregations love will not be there for them. This will piss off even the most hardcore JW parent.
Check_Your_Premises asked: What if I find another church, and tell the kids I want them to go with me. Doesn't the literature support this?
The Society does encourage looking into other religions, but if you read between the lines it is obvious this is only for those "considering" being a JW. This is not supposed to apply to JWs looking at other religions and questioning their own. JWs know this. It would be highly looked down upon if your kids went to another church as well.
My dad attempted to take us to a church a few times when my mom started making a "stand for the truth". This failed for a number of reasons. First, my dad had never attempted to take us to a church before my mom decided to be a JW, so the effort lacked sincerity to my mom - and my mom pointed it out to me how my dad had never made an effort to go to church before. Second, the building was beautiful, and there were great musicians and singers at this church - but my mom pointed out how the preacher never really SAID anything or taught anything useful. So if you DO decide to go, I would suggest making sure it is a good pastor or whatever he's called. I cannot speak for what makes a "good" pastor, so you'll have to make that call.
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This is all just based on my own experiences growing up in a divided household and may not work for everyone.
I feel for you and hope everything works out alright.
-ithinkisee
Also, be grateful for this site. I wish my dad had such easy access to information like this when my mom was becoming a JW. Keep coming here and asking questions.
No more do isolated unbelieving parents have to make the same mistakes over and over again. We can all learn from the mistakes others made and sharpen our tools for extracting our family members out of the Org.
-ithinkisee
