Suicide

by troubled 20 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  somebody

  troubled,

  But let's say this person loves people and life, and they really just wish things were "right" in this system, but knows they aren't.

  You just described many, many, many, and many more humans out here, and in your life.

  Please stay in the candyland that you spoke of if that's what gets you through this period of your life right now. We humans can't help but to "think". And sometimes it's extremely hard and very painful when we do. Especially if it's a fight between our hearts, and our conscience'. Although you can't see the other side right now, that doesn't mean it's not there. Digest your thoughts little by little. That will make it easier than overburdening yourself by constantly thinking and trying to digest everything too fast about your crossroad in life. You WILL get across the road if you take it slowly. I and so many others can feel the pain and desparation you are feeling. Please, I beg of you, please keep holding on for yourself, and the people you love, and for those who love you. It is NOT as hopeless as you think right now. Don't forget about your second wind coming in the future. Meanwhile, read all the replies over and over again and allow them to sink in. especially old hippies thoughts too.

  Of course you're a loving person!

  You also said:
  

  no one has the definitive answer to life's questions and problems

  You speak the truth, my friend. I pray that you'll stick around with all of us! We can all not know the answers to life's questions and problems are, together.

  love,
  somebody

  feel free to e-mail me anytime you feel like letting more stuff out. It's good for the soul I tell you!

  Old hippie,

  I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sister. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

  peace,
  somebody
• 

  teejay

  Hello troubled,

  I just got home from work. You say you've dominated the board today. I haven't seen any of your other posts, just this one. It got my attention. Please bear with me...

  I was raised in the truth and so didn't go to college after high school. In the summer of 2000, twenty-five years after my high school graduation, I decided to go back to school. One of the classes I'm taking now in my second year is Introductory Psychology. Last night, LAST NIGHT, in our lesson about psychological disorders, we talked about suicide.

  I don't know exactly how you feel, but I have a good idea. I've been in a similar place.

  It's a long story and goes back almost twenty years to when my first marriage was ending, a horrible time, lots of bad feelings and no friends... a lot of time alone... right now I won't bore you with the details, but for some reason I made the decision not to go through with it. Since then, it's been somewhat of an interest of mine--what leads people to that place. There are various reasons, not all of them concrete even in the minds of people who study the phenomenon.

  I don't know quite how to answer you, but I deeply believe, I am almost absolutely certain, that the god of the Watchtower Society is not real. He is not the judgmental, goal oriented being that constantly checks to see if people are doing everything they are 'supposed' to. Since becoming a parent, I REALLY disbelieve that a creator who loves his creation in any way close to the love I have for my daughter would not exhibit the disposition and feelings toward people that Brooklyn Bethel says Jehovah does toward humankind.

  Personally, I must tell you, I question whether or not there IS as god. But if I'm wrong, the god that I think exists is very merciful. Those on the brink of ending it all are in a unique place, beyond the understanding of most people. I didn't understand it myself for a long time until certain events came together in my life and I felt totally helpless and totally miserable.

  I will say this, though:

  Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and the problem IS temporary, though it may not seem like it right now. Mine was... so is yours. I'm not saying the problem will end today, or this week. Hell, it may not even end this YEAR, but it will end, I can guarantee you that. Life gets better. It's not all dark days.

  Email me at [email protected]. I'll give you my phone number if you want. Take your time. We're here for you.

  peace,
  todd
• 

  sf

  Dear Troubled,

  Please, please join us in yahoo EXJW rooms. Many need to hear your story too and what you are going through. I have one up now in the user rooms under religions/beliefs entitled "WATCHTOWER PROTECTS PEDOPHILES" (www.silentlambs.org).[ SOMEONE JUST ENETERED THE ROOM) You can create more than one room and if no one stays in it, it self deletes. I sincerely hope you join us. {{{{{{hugs to you}}}}}}}

  sKally/ "wturls" on yahoo
• 

  Winston

  Troubled,

  Hang in their, you have a lot to live for. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing because you are at a very delicate point in your life.

  I think Maximus has some very good advice, take advantage of the medical experts. Go see a Doctor, please get some help.

  Depression when we have it seems so permanant but, its not it just feels so bad, we think it will last forever.

  Go get some medical help! Please call a Doctor right away. You will be glad you did.

  Its good you have this group here to help you and we share your pain we really do, I think we have all had our share of emotional pain. If something happened to you we would all hurt so very deeply.

  Hang in their, life is not as bad as you feel it is right now. It will pass and brighter times are just ahead.

  The Never Ending Search For Truth
• 

  Esmeralda

  Dear Troubled,

  I am so concerned for you after reading your post. I have not seen your others but will look for them now.

  As a person who contemplated suicide constantly between the ages of 13 and 25, I can tell you that I understand the appeal of the 'peace', just quietness of death. Though this may sound trite, please know that I am totally sincere when I say that SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER!

  I agree with the others who say keep talking here as much as you need, and also with those who directed you toward professional counseling. I know that there is a big stigma attatched to it in the Org, please don't let that stop you.

  You are a person of value, of immeasurable worth in this Universe. There is no one else like you. Please don't do anything that would deprive those who love you (and I know there are those who do, even if it doesn't feel that way right now!) and also those of us who could love you if we have the chance to get to know you, the opportunity to do so!

  Just this morning I was writing about someone who I was fond of who committed suicide when I was 18. It's been 12 years and I still think of the hole that he left in all of our lives.

  Please be kind to yourself and remember that no man can measure your value or tell you that you're worthless, even if you feel that you are. WT programming plays upon all of our feelings of unworthiness and whips them into a total frenzy. Please don't give in to them. Don't let them win.

  You are, as Six of Nine said, on the cusp of a new life. That can be frightening. But the peace comes when you realize that you don't have to please any man, only your personal higher power, or code of living.
  You only have to do your best, no one can ever ask more of you than that.

  I hope this is making sense, I'm brain fried today; but I couldn't let your post go without responding.

  Please know that we're all sending you all the good thoughts and positive feelings that we can. To everyone who has responded so kindly to troubled, I salute you and (((hugs))) to you all.

  *hugs* To you too, Troubled...

  Esmeralda

  p.s. Maximus...finally saw Gladiator and thought of you throughout it...I hope all is going well with you my friend. I think of you often and have been keeping up with your posts here as my health allows...

  The Four Agreements:
  Be Impeccable With Your Word
  Don't Take Anything Personally
  Don't Make Assumptions
  Always Do Your Best
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  Tina

  (((((((((((((((troubled)))))))))))))))
  Welcome and please keep on posting and thinking!!
  Sometimes ideas come at us so fast and hard we feel overwhelmed.....that in conjunction with cognitive dissonance feels like we may be drowning and cant get air......
  It's happened to many here. You're not alone. Please continue to share any thoughts with us. Also,during such a trying transitional time,I would suggest a short regimen of anti-depressants. You dont have to stay on them forever. They have pulled folks thru some very low periods. With the emotional burden relieved it will be a lot easier to think things thru.......with love,Tina
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  DannyBear

  troubled,

  I think you still reveal a keen sense of humor, even though your 'feelings' are very serious.

  ***What imes I think, "Just give me a lobotomy. If I didn't think so much, I would probably be so much happier." You know what I mean? Even my husband says I "think too much." I know it's true.***

  You have already identified half the problem...we humans do in fact often "think to much". Couple that tendency with trying to live up to some other human's idea's as to what is right and wrong, our minds get overloaded, stressed to the breaking point.

  The irony of those suffering such stress is that the stuff you think about usually relates to, a perception of what 'we should be doing', instead of what we are actually doing at the moment! Can be as simple as knowing that the dishes need to be washed, but we choose not to do it===STRESS.

  When you throw in the more serious stuff, like worship of God, trying to please him, attain his blessing....thats when the real STRESS gets flowing. Everyone of Jehovah's Witnesses, is bombarded with this type of STRESS, every meeting, study, field service, you attend. From the top down, their are none exempt from this message. Some people seem to handel this stress very easily, they I believe are unique and not the norm. So what you are going through, as Max so well said, is not by any means unique. You have company, most of us now reading your words, have been in the exact same position.

  So take heart troubled, all of the above good advice as to things 'looking up' is as close to 'real truth' as you will find. Almost without reservation I can say that everyone who get's through your current low....inevitably ends up VERY HAPPY for having gone through the dark days.

  Here's to you and the better days to come. CHEERS!

  DannyBear
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  Bendrr

  Troubled, your post really concerns me. It really sounds like the thought has crossed your mind. The natural response from anyone would be that nothing is so bad as to warrant ending your life. But deep down inside all of us will agree that those are just nice words, that the sadness and confusion and despair are very real and fill up the empty spaces that should hold happiness and hope and can make death seem like a logical option. So I won't say "don't think about suicide" because it is a normal thought when depressed enough. I've thought about it and I'd bet most of the other regulars on this board have also. Let each thought of death be followed by the thought of living to find a reason not to do it. I'm glad that you took the step to discuss it, whether here or anywhere as long as you talk about it openly that is the important thing. Don't let this be your last post as you commented in parenthesis. Definitely keep in touch with everyone and say what is bothering you.
  mike.

  "Well done, Blind Squirrel! You've found an impressive nut!
• 

  seven006

  Troubled,

  Why is it exactly you are thinking about killing yourself? Are you a bad person? Do you hate yourself? Do you think the world will be better off without you? Or are you just tired? Tired of thinking all the time. Tired of not being what you think you should be or what others think you should be? Are you handicapped to the point that you are just one level above a vegetable? Are you incapable of laughter or love anymore? Are you such an unbearable person for others to be around that you will make everyone else happy by ending your life?

  How old are you? Are you married or ever been married? Have you ever watched the sun set over the Pacific ocean or the sun rise over the Atlantic? Have you ever buried your toes in the worm white sand of a tropical island or swam in the crystal clear water of a mountain stream? Have you ever done something so incredible nice for someone else that it brings tears to their eyes knowing that you have done something that without words says I love you and I'm glad I know you? Have you ever watched a spider build a complete web. Not just looking at one after it has been built but watching for hours as the spider patently travels in a circle and precisely glues each and every tiny thread of silk to each other? Have you? Have you watched that and realized that the spider will sit in his web, catch his food and the very next day take his web apart and start over again? Have you ever looked someone you love right directly in their eyes and thought to yourself, I am lucky to be alive just to able to have the chance to know that person? Have you? Have you met a person you love that much so to be able to think and feel that? Have you met a person that just might think that about you? Are you sure?

  Answer these questions if you would like, I would like to hear the answers. But more importantly ask yourself these questions. They are good questions, I made them up all by myself. So just chill out for a few seconds and answer them and if you do, then think about them. Then think about what you haven't done yet, not what you have done. Think about what could be as opposed to what might be.

  Keep hanging in there, it gets better, I promise.

  Dave
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  Billygoat

  Troubled,

  I totally understand WHY a person would committ suicide. I've attempted it twice in my life. Both times, I didn't necessarily WANT to die. I had excruciating pain in my life and just wanted it to GO AWAY. I didn't see an end in sight and didn't know of any other way to make it end. But somehow with help from very loving friends, I pulled through it. I realized there was stuff to live for that made the pain worth it. I can say that now - 18 months after my second suicide attempt.

  I know you are feeling pain and confusion right now. But PLEASE ride it out. Remember "This to shall pass". (I think I mentioned this in another thread to you.) I hope you understand that there are people on this board that do not "know" you, but already love you simply because we understand the turmoil you're going through.

  If you need or want to email me directly at [email protected]. I'll be happy just listen if that's what you need.

  {{hugs,hugs,hugs}} and {{prayers, prayers, prayers}}

  Billygoat