Old Friend Disfellowshipped - Would Like Advice

by adelmaal 12 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  adelmaal

  I have been away from "the truth" for quite some time (about 6 years) and I heard from my daughter and friend the other day that someone I knew back when had recently been disfellowshipped. He was actually one of the elders on my original committee when I was having drama with that religion. He was a good guy, always having gatherings at his house (superbowl, etc.) and he just had problems with his wife forever. They eventually split up, he was removed as an elder and now a few years later he has decided he wants to be involved with someone (imagine that - lol). I heard his kids have moved out of the house, I know he was raised around that religion and he has gotta be having a really hard time of it right now. I want to do something to help him out but I'm not sure where he's at in his thinking and I don't want to open the df or da can of worms for myself at this point.

  I faded, I am not df'd or da'd. I have no dealings with that religion. Only ties I have are through my daughter because her dad is in that religion and I have to deal with him and his family. It would be more difficult to deal with them if I am df'd or da'd and it would be harder on my daughter as well.

  I was thinking I would drop off the COC book along with an anonymous letter but I have no clue as to what to say in the letter. How I can come off as sincerely being concerned that he see that there is life outside the borg, I am not just some randomn trying to slam the religion he was raised in and I am just wanting him to know he has worth, he can have a relationship with God and he is entitled to happiness. Hopefully, it might help him to eventually get his kids to come to terms with reality as well and he wont have to lose his entire family for good in this whole process.

  What do you guys/gals think? What would you say? I am just worried for him...
• 

  AK - Jeff

  adelmall-

  Why not just drop him a quick line - tell him you are an old friend, and that you have ordered him a copy of a book that greatly helped when you left the witness faith and felt free to read non-witness writings again. Leave it at that. Maybe give an anonymous email address that he can't trace if he wants to contact you after he reads the book.

  Just my opinion

  Jeff
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  Hey Ade,

  If you want to protect your own status, make sure you don't tip your hand. I still believed it was "the truth" when I was DF'd, and I would have reported you to the elders if you'd made apostate overtures to me. (Yeah, I was *that* kind of JW.)

  Mailing a little something anonymously won't hurt you and might help him. Probably the best balance you'll be able to achieve.

  Dave
• 

  Dragonlady76

  Do so without revealing you identity, or it make come back to ahunt you later.

  Dragonlady76
• 

  Swan

  You know what we should have here? A way for those who have faded to contact people when their status is unknown. Or a way to contact old family with important information anonymously without tipping them off that you have joined the legion of Apostate hordes that JW's fear almost as much as demons. We could call it something like an Apostate Forwarding Service or an Apostagram.

  Here is how it could work. In a public forum, maybe with it's own folder, or in the Personal Experiences & Reunions folder, just start a thread by titling it Apostagram Needed: My Friend in Timbuktu and then explain the situation without mentioning any names or addresses. This makes you the sender. When someone else agrees forward the Apostagram for you, send them a private message or email with the name, address, and phone number of the person you want to contact. They become the messenger, a very important role because they act as a liaison between the sender and the contact.

  The messenger then writes a letter, in their own hand, or writes an email, or calls on the phone, to the contact explaining that someone they know who has left the JWs wants to reestablish contact at any time they are ready. If they are out for good and want to talk then report back to the sender and let them work out the particulars of the reunion. If the contact is undecided, afraid, or is still thinking about reinstatement, then the messenger could just leave them a contact email, address, phone number, or the web address of this site for when they are ready to make contact in the future. The messenger, of course, would try to discern any details about the contact's status and circumstances, and then include that kind of information in a report back to sender. The messenger could also answer any questions the contact might have as a newbie to the exJW experience.

  This would have to be kept on the down-low, and confidentiality, boldness, and good judgment would be very important since there is such a high level of trust involved here. But something like this could help literally hundreds. I have been thinking about this a lot for several months and am convinced it could be made to work with few changes, if any.

  The Watchtower uses DF and shunning as a means to scatter us and keep us afraid from talking to one another. It is our modern day Tower of Babel. With the Internet we have made great strides to reunite ourselves, but more is needed, I feel. This might be the way to contact and reunite people between people who are afraid to that the other one might report them to the Watchtower.

  Tammy

  P.S. My stupid spell checker keeps wanting me to change Apostagram to Pentagram! LOL!
• 

  jeanniebeanz

  That's a great idea, Tammy.

  I'd be willing to help with that.

  Jeannie
• 

  Swan

  I didn't want to steal this thread any more with this Apostagram idea, so I have posted a new thread under the Personal Experiences & Reunions about it.

  Jeanniebeanz, did you mean you would be able to help adelmaal with a letter to her ex-elder friend?

  Tammy
• 

  bronzefist

  I'd be cautious at this point. Speaking from experience.
• 

  jeanniebeanz

  I want to do something to help him out but I'm not sure where he's at in his thinking and I don't want to open the df or da can of worms for myself at this point.

  This is really hard. I would be really careful because of your daughter's relationship to active JW's. If you know this person's address, I'm in favor of sending an annonymous letter. He may not reply, but he may keep the letter. The anonymous email address is a terrific idea.

  Jeannie
• 

  adelmaal

  Swan: That's a great idea.

  I think for the time being I will go with the suggestions to send and anonymous letter. It's annoying that I won't know whether or not he's responsive to it and whether or not he would like further support but at least I will feel I have done what I could without jeapardizing my relationship (if you could call it that) with my daughter's JW family.

  Thanks all.

  I will be sure to post the letter once I have gotten up the guts to write it