Sick Nostalgia...

kitties_and_horses_oh_my!

Lately I've been feeling overwhelming nostalgia for my time as a JW. I know it's foolish and stupid, but it keeps happening. Today I was at Starbucks and I saw a family come in after meeting. It was apparent from a mile away that they were dubs, and all of a sudden I saw myself on these perfect, almost-spring days, on break or out in service with friends. Then I remind myself that when I was on break I was dreading the break ending, that my "friends" were the same people who would stab me in the back as soon as I turned around and that I wasn't allowed to ever have wants or desires of my own. Yet, I still feel this craving for the sing-alongs at the dorms by Gill Coliseum where we used to have our summer conventions. Am I losing it?? I sometimes wonder if it's because I'm prepping to go to grad school and I realize now that this transition - for some reason, more than any other - will seal my fate in the eyes of my family. I will never be let back in and part of me is aching for the love of my parents.

BLISSISIGNORANCE

Hi ya..................I'm sorry you feel so sad. I remember feeling that way when I was df'ed. But not now. I was reinstated and left as a fader 2 years ago for some very compelling reasons. Are you df'ed? All I can say is don't feel that you have to control your feelings or that you shouldn't allow these feelings to come about. Grief (and that is how I would describe the feeling when I was df'ed/shunned) is powerful but it does diminish with time, so give yourself that! Besides, the desired effect of the borg is to make the one leaving feel like an outsider..........it's a form of bullying.

So just hang in there and know that in time the pain will ease. I hope you find support and encouragement here..........we do understand.

Hugs and friendship...............Bliss

Lostreality

Im here for ya sis...My room is right down the hall..

frankiespeakin

Kitty,

You have to work thru your feeling slowly. Just because something is JW related doesn't mean we have to hate it. I think you are being very honest to yourself about your feelings. That's very good because that is the person you have to be most honest with. Many of us try to be honest with ourselves and I think it is a major victory when we do.

holly

hey you arent loosing it. i was really really upset about something recently. was on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor singing, 'jesus loves me this i know, cus the bible tells me so, little ones to him belong, jesus loves me this i know'. was full of self pity at the time and it made me feel suitably consoled, even though i was taught that song as a child at church, and have awful memories of being scared by some of the doctrine.

which proves that even in the midst of a bad experience, theres sometimes something good to remember

frenchbabyface

Well that's just normal ... more over if you have been a JW all your life ... all the good - (and of course the bad) moments of your young life occured when you were a JW - also all the hope and motivation that it gives to believe (in now what you know is bullshit) make some moments quiet special (even with the not reliable friend that are in there) ... It's a big part of your life ... You'll never forget ... and you might always feel nostalgic from time to time about that (the good is just good - so well just remember it as is) that doesn't change what you think and your décision to have a better life out of the JW JAIL ...

Big Tex

What you're feeling is a normal and natural progression of exiting a high control religious sect. There are the 5 stages of grief (denial; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance) but I also subscribe to another stage of grief: numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation), disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss) and reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.). I think we all go through each stage with varying degrees of intensity.

Allow yourself to feel sad, it does no good to suppress it. Eventually the sadness will fade and you will find yourself moving on with your life. It does get better.

Chris

Preston

I think with each new stage of your life everyone does a fair amount of introspection, and its not common to think about your family, or your mom, the things you first felt in life. If you're on your own in life and you don't have those things to fall back then I think you long for them even more. So I don't think its atypical to feel nostalgic for the love that you felt, you merely made the association with the congregation because that's the physical realm of where it was.

- Preston

Doubtfully Yours

(((((Kitties_and_horses_oh_my!)))))

I remember days with the same type of feelings. Keep going on your current journey. It gets better and better.

DY

jeanniebeanz

(((Kitties)))

Once you know that you are never going back, and if you feel that your parents will never leave the organization, it hits you that you no longer have parents and you grieve for them as if they had died. It's hard to move past, because as a child, you want to hold onto the hope that you will someday get them back so it's worse than if they had actually died. Not only are they gone from your life, but it was accompanied by an act of rejection.

At least, this was my experience. For the first few years, I literally went through the grieving process. It will pass in time if you are willing to let go.

So sorry you are going through this.

Jean

Sick Nostalgia...

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