My irrational fears when I was a JW

by Jez 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  kitties_and_horses_oh_my!

  That doc or I would die before Armaggedon and we wouldn't be able to be married in the new system. We'd be able to be friends, we'd just live down the street from each other, and every night I'd have to go home to my lonely bed and cry for him.

  That when the end came I wouldn't be able to reach doc and we'd end up separated.

  That my best friend Colby was going to die because she joined the dance team in high school.

  That Jehovah wouldn't let me into the new system b/c of all the bad things I'd done, like the ONE time I used the f-word before I left the borg. Or that doc and I made out before we were married. Or that I one time told a lie. Or that I thought angry or mean thoughts on occasion.

  Exhausting.
• 

  MonkeyPrincess

  These are all such terrible thoughts to have, especially when we had them as children.
  

  I use to have dreams all the time about Tribulation coming, my mom and dad would always
  tell us how it would be a test of our faith. So i would have nightmares about men in military
  uniforms coming into our home while we were sleeping and taking us away to concentration
  camp type places, we would be starved and beaten and tortured. I remember that we would
  have to choose which one of our parents were to be killed, or which one of my sisters would
  have to be killed. It was aweful, i use to wake up so scared and sad.
  I think this still affects my sleep to this day, i still cant get a good nights sleep without waking
  up several times at night looking around our room for people, or trying to listen for someone
  coming in our home. Its so sickening how this affects us for so long after the fact.

  I am so happy that i am not going to raise my son with such terrible thoughts.

  MonkeyPrincess
• 

  googlemagoogle

  the whole demon stuff always was pretty scary. everyone always had shocking stories from "reliable" sources... yeah, those things REALLY happened ;-)
  
  one story was about a brother who wanted to go up a stairway but some invisible power didn't let him move, until he said the "J" word of course. after hearing that story i sometimes was afraid of being in a stairway alone...
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  Jez

  I am reminded of my fear of demons. ANYTHING that came into the house was thrown out if it was at all questionable. My mother would not buy anything used, would burn letters from her own mother and blame all fights or problems in the house on 'something that someone brought in, who invited the demons in'? We would then go on this massive hunt to find 'new' things that had been brought into the house and then garbage or burn them! CRAZY!

  No wonder I use to have dreams of demons coming out of my walls to get me.

  Jez
• 

  Doubtfully Yours

  I feared Armageddon. Truth be told... I still do.

  It's a life long process if one of born into this religion. I get better mentally with each day.

  DY
• 

  rebel8

  My fear: If I even thought of a question or concern about the JWs (individually, or the borganization as a whole), then the big J would be reading my mind and would strike me dead on the spot.
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  GetBusyLiving

  I often drempt of having to answer some skill testing questions in a concentration camp in Armageddon and when I got the answer wrong ( I always did) some naziesque figure would blow a family members head off.

  I drempt of fireballs screeching from the heavens and destroying worldly families sometimes. Birds tearing the flesh from the faces of my friends, ect.. typical kid stuff.

  More recently though I've had this recurring dream of beating the hell out of an elder in my last judical committee meeting. He just kept asking so many personal questions over and over (just like in real life).. the stress was unbearable so I just let loose and beat him to a pulp right there in the back room, everyone in suits. Im not a violent person at all either. I think the last meeting I had with those guys was pretty traumatic.