Has anyone tried dating web sites? I am a member of a famous one, but I am finding it takes so long to get to know someone and the person you finally meet can turn out nothing like you expected. Currently I've been chatting to someone for 6 months - "speed dating" in slow motion! (or reverse even). To the extent I have thought of joining a more riske site called Adultfriendfinder, although I'm not sure that is exactly what I want - the women on there would chew me up and spit me out I think.
Dating Sites
by ballistic 12 Replies latest jw friends
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beebee
Adultfriendfinder.com is well...not exactly for those seeking friendships. Sexual partners, yes. Meaninful partners..not likely.
I've had pretty good success in the past (currently I am in a relationship, didn't meet him on Matchmaker, however we didn't connect until he found me via that site so it's sort of a result of the website). A few things I found made a big difference.
- Post a GOOD head shot. Find one that you look friendly in. I don't know the exact numbers but a picture makes a very significant difference in the numbers of people that contact you or who will respond to your contacts. Don't use one that is too old or a poor representation of yourself. Post a body shot if it's really an asset. (women are less judgemental and honesty is important but why disclose more info than you have to)
- Put some effort into your answers. I only responded to people who clearly showed some thought went into what they wanted me to know. The empty profiles told me that either someone was so lacking in confidence they couldn't speak well of themselves, or they didn't care to make the effort. Neither was likely to be a guy I'd find interesting.
- Humor is a plus but don't go overboard. A profile that looks like a joke makes me think he has something to hide.
- Write to someone, don't use the wink or some other "no effort" first attempt. Brief but either thoughtful or something that gets my attention. Sometimes a silly comment worked, or best results came from those that acknowledged that they actually read my profile (I hated guys that didn't...like the one that hates kids who didn't bother to read I have 3).
- I used to make the guys write for ages, then phone calls before agreeing to meet them. This turned out to be a bad way to go for a number of reasons. The first one you already stated, sometimes you build up too high an expectation and then the bubble bursts. Other reasons include the possibility that they'll meet someone else interesting.
- I found that if there seemed to be some click in the first few mails it was best to meet and not hold too high an expectation. The pressure of assuming their must be "chemistry" also sets you up for more failures than not. I just wanted to get out and see how well the conversation went. For me, while it is true there are many instances where you know it has absolutely no chance right away, I was always willing to meet someone in the "gray area" for a few times to see if he got more interesting, or gave me reason to stop seeing him.
- I tried advertising for friends but that comment seemed to go ignored.
When I lowered my expectations, I ended up with mostly decent meetings with nice guys. Made a few good friends, and had a couple of romances (some do much better but I'm picky).
Also keep your first meeting casual, coffee or another casual, public place. Don't bring anyone home you haven't taken time to meet. Yes, there are psychos out there; give yourself enough time to get a feel for them first.
The one I'm curious about is eharmony. I signed up for the free profile but really only got three names from them in six months, all definitely not what I was looking for and not guys I wanted to meet. I'm curious if anyone has been successful on that one?
Good luck.
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G Money
Online dating is a good place to find fatties, ugly people, fake people and old people as well as psychos. There are also a few normal people just lookin to hook up. If that is your taste then go for it. Better to take classes at a local junior college, volunteer, be more outgoing in public and be seen to meet more regular people where you can see them as they are instead of through a screen.
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beebee
The fatties and uglies is bs. Maybe in your realm, but I've done several of the major sites in 3 different cities over more than 5 years and never met up with an ugly man, and only once was the guy a loser who poorly represented himself in his profile (meaning he lied). The only major site I saw with creeps was Yahoo and that was because it was free. Seemed most of the guys on that one were married. Most were quite normal, many were attractive. Of course if you're looking for models or a bunch of really young women you might not find them because most young people have an active social life. The audience is primarily 30+ because that age is busier with jobs and such, many of their friends are married and there are fewer social opportunities to meet singles. Bars usually suck.
Anyway...I am sure others can attest to the overall "normalness" of most people. BTW..I am neither a fatty nor an ugly, of course I have kids which some men consider a strike out. Oh well. No skin off my back.
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ballistic
Online dating is a good place to find fatties, ugly people, fake people and old people as well as psychos
I also think that is well off course. So far my worst experience is a woman trying to extort as much money out of me as possible. I think there are far more many women of that sort out there than "mingers". When you join a web site to date women, you expect the women can at least afford the internet, you don't expect the theives.
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Tashawaa
but I am finding it takes so long to get to know someone and the person you finally meet can turn out nothing like you expected. Currently I've been chatting to someone for 6 months - "speed dating" in slow motion!
I've just signed on also to an online site.
There was already some great advice, and I would recommend meeting the person that you have an interest in right away. Online service is a way to meet people you might not otherwise meet - but you need to get to know them in person. I'd say after 2 or 3 short conversations, suggest a time and place to meet for coffee or a beer. After all you want to get to know a "person" not an online "persona".
BTW, there are quality people online. Good looking, fun, professionals. Have fun!
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ballistic
BTW, there are quality people online
Maybe I'm just exhusted and disullusioned, and sad, and wondering if the rest of the world is strange and only I am normal.
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Tashawaa
LOL
Don't just rely on the site to meet someone though - mix it up. Get out with your friends, join classes, try some online chatting (but dump them if they don't want to meet you after 3 emails...they're yanking your chain), let some of your close friends know to keep their eye open for you... and then before you know it, you'll meet someone you backed your car into!
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Dragonlady76
I met my husband on AOL web site, been happily married 5 years!!!!
And my husband and I are both very attractive.
Make sure you get an up to date picture 1st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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frozen one
I joined AFF out of curiosity. If you join make sure you use an email address you can throw away as it will become clogged with spam from every porn site you can imagine. I didn't meet anyone on AFF, but it was entertaining for a little while.
I joined eharmony with a coupon for 3 free months. The service made dozens of matches around the world, which was problematic. I did get to the open communication stage with several of the matches but nothing panned out because of the distances involved. I did specify that matches made would have to be within a 100 miles of where I lived, but eharmony kept sending me matches from all over the globe. I do keep in touch with one of the matches though. She let me know up front that she wasn't really looking for a relationship with anybody but was just exploring the online dating world. We exchange email quite often and chat when we catch each other online. She is really a pretty woman and we do have quite a bit in common. Again it is a distance issue given that I live in Minnesota and she lives in Costa Rica. Maybe one day I'll jump a plane and go visit. Always wanted to go there anyway. Off to Expedia.
I have much better success meeting women riding my motorcycle then with any online dating service. The sailboat helps also...and a job, and a house, and an education, and so on. Getting out and about in your home area is the best way to meet anybody. Just my two cents worth.